|Reviews for The Shy Girl Effect|
| Hagetaka chapter 4 . 8/29/2007
Not bad, I don't usually see stories about this era. Well, I gues there aren't that many EGS stories, but most people don't seem to bother with writing prequel-type fanfiction.
I hope you plan on continuing this story, although I don't see where it would go (probably why I'm not the one writing it, then) Maybe something about how the normal story might have changed if Rhoda were part of the group (again, I can't see how, I'm just throwing out random ideas that come to mind)
Good job anyway, I'll probably put an alert on this one.
| CidGregor chapter 4 . 6/30/2007
I have some theories on where this is going, and they are quite interesting endpoints. I had a similar fic idea myself, but you're doing a good job with it so far.
Your dialogue could use a little work though. It doesn't feel entirely natural; kind of like it's you, the author, talking with their mouths, and not the characters themselves speaking in their own unique voices. You can take steps to fix that easily enough, though; when you write a line of dialogue for a character, read it aloud and ask yourself two things: One, "Does this sound like the way someone would normally talk?" and Two, "Does this sound like the way (character) would talk?" I realize step two is a bit harder in the case of Rhoda, because so far we know so little about her that she's a bit of a blank slate character, so just worry about step one for her for now, and incorporate step two if possible as Dan tells us more about her.
Work on that a bit and your story will see immense improvement. Otherwise I like it, and look forward to more.
All the best,
| BallisticWeasel chapter 4 . 6/27/2007
hey Knight! I'm at my aunt's house so I can use the computer(I also bought that DS Browser so that's cool lol) I thought that I reviewed ths already but I guess not...anyway great chapter as always. Yay for Nanase . can't wait for the next chappie