|Reviews for Then and Now, My Little Brother|
| RPMercenary chapter 3 . 4/21/2009
And even though I did not go over the 10 character limit, my review was cut short O_o Well, suffice to say that the last paragraph of the review I had originally written said that the story is worth continuing, though the time since the last update makes it close to appearing abandoned. Hope to see an update sometime!
| RPMercenary chapter 4 . 4/14/2009
Though the chapters are short and the updates far apart, this is still a good story. I'm not going to go through each line and indicate every little grammatical and spelling error I can find (*Ahem* to the reviewer before me). A spell checker combined and/or a proofread could handle that. The errors are not bad enough to mar the legibility of the story, but they do stand out to readers who are not specifically looking for them.
One specific nitpicky detail is the age difference in chapter 4: Mira is 16, and Harry is indicated as 12, if I'm reading this correctly. That is an age difference of at least 4 years, whereas Mira is 6 when Harry is born. Birthday placement is not enough to make up for this, so I'm assuming that was just a careless error, but it still breaks the continuity of your original idea. Since there is no given age difference in the game, you had to make one up, but the important part is that you maintain continuity with details like that.
The detail you put into the characters, the clothing, and the environment was great. I cheered silently at the mention of "Synthetic grass" in chapter two. I am tempted to ask for details on Robo battles, but I understand that they are not a key element to this story, and not everyone who writes a fic is trying to propose it as the next game in the series (*points to self* Guilty _
| Tyler11-is-the-MASTER chapter 4 . 5/20/2008
"I knew this great new place that opened up" Fix new
"Just when she was about to say yes to" to is too.
"convince to go to police academy" Convince HIM to go to THE police academy.
My reward for editing? WRITE MORE! (I don't care if this is a four year old story)
| Tyler11-is-the-MASTER chapter 1 . 5/20/2008
OH I AM SO MAD! I just spent my time looking at the first three of your chapters and edited them for you...and my browser shut off! Sigh... okay I'll just edit from 3 up...
"Let me just have one more round and we can go okay." Mira said.
Correction: Let me just have one more round and we can go, okay?" Mira asked.
"But one thing could told was that Mira..." Correction: But one thing was for sure, (or one thing you could tell) Mira...
"type sol" Was it type soul? (sorry I played, abused and mastered this game but I forgot the whole story and everything)
"actually asked to go agaisnt you in a match" Fix against
"make sure you don't loose Mira" Fix lose.
"you did good Roy, I thought I was going to loose for sure" Its okay for 8-year old Harry to say that, but she's 15, you should switch good to well. And fix lose again.
| devandonet223 chapter 4 . 4/9/2008
Interesting conception you've got there. When I used to play Custom Robo I was always wondered with the relationship between Harry and Mira. Very cool chapter.
| ENGetY chapter 4 . 3/27/2008
Yes! I've been waiting for this for so long! Thank you for updating it! A few mistakes at the beginning but it was excellent. Short and sweet. I loved how you put it all into parts, from him becoming a flirt to how he got a Custom Robo. This is truly a good fic and I would love to see the remaining of it. Though...how old was Mira and Harry in the "present" Custom Robo? And don't tell me that girl was Marcia! I almost fell off my chair! I can't wait. Please continue!
| devandonet223 chapter 3 . 2/4/2008
I never really noticed this one. This story is wicked. Continue it if you can. Thanks!
| ENGetY chapter 3 . 9/12/2007
Nice another chapter! It's only little mistakes that just need to be proofread but yeah. Good job on the update. I can't wait to know what happens in the next chapters.
| ENGetY chapter 2 . 8/9/2007
Haha, finally you've updated. Well it's okay if it's short since I enjoy this fanfic. In my opinion your writing style is by far better than the most i've read, including mine. Well hope you could keep on updating this because it's the best one Custom Robo fanfic out there. (In my opinion. Since i'm not interested in the other ones.) Whoa! I made a long line of talking but thanks again! I look forward to your next chapter!
| tonotsay chapter 1 . 8/9/2007
Are you going to update any sooner?
| ENGetY chapter 1 . 7/20/2007
Hey this is pretty interesting. I would love to see what happens in your later chapters.