|Reviews for Mystery Girl|
| monsta-starr chapter 2 . 9/17/2012
The story sonds great! Hope you continue this soon!;D
| miranda rivenburgh chapter 2 . 1/13/2012
Hey love your story you should deffinatly finish it.
| rinpup14 chapter 2 . 9/10/2011
You have 2 write More this is an awesome story please make more ill review each ch.
| Random chapter 1 . 6/30/2008
Not bad at all. Please keep writing. You describe everything really well. You do a good job of writing from Mousse's perspective as well.
| Warbender chapter 2 . 6/3/2008
Now that there is enough of a story for me to read/review I will now do so. I was entranced by the first story I have come accross that features Mousse as a main character. Though I find the chapters short. The depth, and breadth of the sceenes in it give much added quality to what is read. Now even with the slight imballence within the forground action/diologue, and the background description/action. I find this to be a good presentation of a new idea. Well done on finding a new path for a plot bunny to follow. Now I also found that your structuring to be fairly well thought out. Again well done. However the chapter length thing leaves something to be desired. (Both chapters end just as I start to get into the story line. Bummer)
Please update this as soon as you are able to. As I really want to see where this goes.
| Deepdream chapter 2 . 6/2/2008
You know, I don't think your story's that bad. In fact, most people write this sort of stuff. Namely, some boy getting to know a girl who's "bound" to him in some way.
Basically, this is a most favored sort of storyline used in many animes, thus mangas, too. Therefore many fanfic-authors give it a shoot and - very often - do not succed.
Why I'm telling you this?
Well, first of, I'd feel terrible to not comment a story I read - most people have no such problems... - and give the author some pointers.
Secondly, because I think that you might be able to make this work. Like I've mentioned before, the storyline is nothing all to new. However, that you used Mousse instead of Ranma - for which I'm thankful - gives a certain individuality to it. Try using that!
E.g. Make Mousse react to female advances the way he 'would' react and not the way you would like him to react. Mousse is Mousse. He's someone who loves attention, tends to ignore an outright "Hell, NO!" and is first and foremost sneaky.
Thus he's no macho-like Ranma and no nosebleeding Ryoga. Try to keep that in mind when you write him, okay? Please!
Another reason why I'm reading your story is because I took a disturbing liking to this sort of stories. My girlfriend would literally kick 'my' ass if she were to find out...
However, on a second thought...
Well, no. In fact, she laughs 'her' ass off over these kind of girls. So she probably won't kill me.
Back to your story. From the outline of your story I expect "tongue in cheek"-jokes, compromising "bathroom-scenes" and certain allusions.
And THAT IS why I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Keep Mousse in character, make it funny and present the reader with some - either cool or - excentric enemy.
| LadyKatherine29 chapter 1 . 3/23/2008
Well this is something diffrent. interesting too. You certainly have taken a less traveled road for Ranma. This could be really good, and I look forward to seeing what you do next.
| angel61991 chapter 1 . 7/29/2007
interesting please update soon.