|Reviews for Under the Mask|
| TalaxVampirella chapter 16 . 2/12/2011
this is so adorable! I love happy endings!
| Kara chapter 16 . 12/14/2010
So I finished reading your story and I really really like it! I would LOVE it - if it was longer ;o). You have so many events and there's so much happening in only those few sentences and chapters, you could easily strech that into double the length. Perhaps that would give the reader a little more time to digest all the contents properly.
But anyway, it is such a good story! I like the endings best. You really know how to touch a heart.
Thank you for writing and sharing this story!
| Kara chapter 13 . 12/14/2010
Now I finished chapter twelve and must say that was brilliant! Repeating that one segment - well done! A great idea !
| Kara chapter 9 . 12/14/2010
Chapter eight: ... ;_; That was so beautifully written at the end... It really ... "strung a chord" I'd say though I'm not sure, if that's the right expression. Es ist einfach herzerwärmend. You know XD.
Greetings from Germany
| Kara chapter 5 . 12/13/2010
Chapter four and I just can say that I loved the end! Great revelation!
| Kara chapter 3 . 12/13/2010
Chapter two and I'm already beginning to like this ... a lot.
Let's see what comes next! .
| Helena chapter 1 . 10/8/2009
Is their a sequel to this story? I really loved it. Kakashi finally having a real relationship with someone. I bet Motoko is very pretty. If there isn't can u write a sequel. PLEASE!
| SKT chapter 16 . 3/10/2009
Fwah! I love how you didn't make the OC stay to be part of the "story" or make Kakashi totally unmask and try to describe his face! How canon! - Keep up the excellent work! (I'm saying this now, but I read this last year, but I didn't have an account until recently, where my friend threatened me . xD) Ciao!
| hermonine chapter 16 . 11/22/2008
| Yumizuki chapter 16 . 9/12/2007
Did you know that if Kakashi was dead, and Motoko brought himself back to life again, that Motoko would've died in Kakashi's place? Unless he was in a "near-death" state coma thing...but you should state that as well.
I was a little disappointed at how fast this all went. I mean, wouldn't Tsunade-sama had questioned Motoko a little extra and all that? The Sasuke part was also overly rushed.
I think you also used too many fragments, such as "Kakashi had also made a great recovery. Both physically and emotionally." and "Turning her back, somewhat sadly, on Konoha, the medic nin began her walk back home. Back to Mist village and back to her family."
But of course, I understand your reason for having to cut the story off short :) I normally just cut off, and return to my story whenever I can, attempting to connect everything up and stuff...(and nobody reviews because I was gone too long XP)
Anyways, I LOVE your last sentence :D "Simply because she was absolutely certain that she already knew who the man behind the mask was." This is something, in my opinion, that -can- be in a fragment
I think I have a thing for loving your last sentences XD
Out of a general scale of 1-10, I think I had to give you a seven for the rushed ending, but you otherwise kept the plot in check. And you still do beautifully in the show-don't-tell metahphors, my dear :D
Get back to me when you can :)
| Yumizuki chapter 15 . 9/12/2007
I was kind of surprised that Kakashi didn't catch that Itachi was inside Motoko earlier with Sharingan. But I think it's because he couldn't believe it, or that Itachi's genjutsu was too powerful. But you really should've subtley stated -why- he couldn't see her.
What do you mean, "The Leaf Jounin, though, wasn’t immune to fire either." Why did you put an "either"? What was Kakashi not also immune to?
A little bit long, "He stopped in his tracks as they all surrounded him, making him wish Obito had been with the Hyuuga clan instead of the Uchiha, so he might’ve gotten the Byakuugan instead of the Sharingan." You should probably make it, "He stopped in his tracks as they all surrounded him, making him wish Obito had been with the Hyuuga clan instead of the Uchiha. He might've gotten the ...etc." Then, " It would be very handy right now, actually." should be "It would -have- been..."
Umm..."She poofed." is a little...weird. You could've added more detail by saying, "She poofed into the already-smoky air."
Again, sorry for the terse reviews...I didn't know when the next time I could do this much so I chose to read it now.
| Yumizuki chapter 14 . 9/12/2007
Sorry if my reviews are terse, and almost rude sounding. I have a lot of hw to do, but I wanted to really read your last chapters to make it up for not PMing earlier _
"Simple, pure fear made her..." should be "Simply". Adverb agreement.I was a little confused over "iron gates" - the iron gates from the last chapter sounded like gates to a graveyard. Perhaps you could've stated that she saw some buildings that looked like they belonged to a village, etc.
This is really good, "The once darkened world was instantly switched to a contrast of black and white with violent splashes of a reddish orange. " Nice use of "violent". I could definitely imagine slashes all over the place.
I personally thought Itachi "talked too much". He seemed just a little out of character. It was just the wording and the "breaks" between sentences. And I dunno if he would really say, "”Welcome to my Jutsu…” he hissed as a tall blade appeared in his hands. “Welcome to Hell.”" Or did he say that when he was fighting Kakashi? I don't remember if there was even a scene like that in the manga or anime...
This feels a little chopped off, "then smirked and threw the kunai." I think you should've added some direction to the kunai.
Good: "a cruel accent tainting her usual peaceful voice"
This was a very short chapter, and I'm getting the feeling that you would've added more if you didn't have writer's block, problems, etc. But you did have the basic elements, which was good.
Loved your disclaimer XD
| Kisame Fish Sticks chapter 16 . 9/2/2007
really cute, *sob* it's sad that its over
| JustMeDeal chapter 16 . 8/30/2007
Ohh, I like this story!
You did awesome with making many long chapters...Much appreciated.
Do you have any other stories? *goes to check*
| Kenoyo chapter 16 . 8/10/2007
helloz...Itoshii Hito -
well well well, looks like its the last chapter of this story, how..interesting lol
anyways, im glad that none of them died!
but i have to admit it would have been a little funny to be beside alexz if Kakashi would have died.
but im glad that Motoko didnt die cause like that Kakashi would have thought that he was the grim reaper himself..poor guy.
anyways, i just have to tell you my fav. quote in ths chapter
and i quote [lol]: "Simply because she was absolutely certain that she already knew who the man behind the mask was"
its like my number one moral..dont judge a book by its cover.
just in this case its something like *thinks* dont start hating the book by its cover after you loved him...ok that was lame and pathethic i know BUT i tried XD
well it was awesome (like ususal) continue the awesome work hun!