|Reviews for Serious Issues|
| Gillian chapter 3 . 8/19/2007
Its a great story. You should continue on and make more stories also.
| fuwa fuwa shite iru chapter 3 . 7/9/2007
i like ur story, hurry and update!
| WinterGuarder15 chapter 3 . 6/29/2007
Good Chapter! I hope no one gets hurt. Update Soon!
| RLS83843 chapter 1 . 6/28/2007
It is hard to follow your story because it is hard to follow. You might want to get one of your personal friends, who has a good command of English grammar to review your story. Look at mine and see how I use verbs.
| SilverStorm06 chapter 3 . 6/24/2007
Nice story. I just recently got really into the 4400. Now I can't wait for next week to come! :)
| PurpleYin chapter 1 . 6/24/2007
Firstly, you might want to sort out the formatting. Whatever file you uploaded as seems to have been messed around by the document manager, which is unfortunate but happens - always good to preview it before uploading.
Other than that, it is very dialoguse heavy which I guess is personal preference on if you like but especially because of the AU setting it'd be nice to have the scene set more. With less about what they look like - though it will be necessary for the other characters but can be done subtly - and more on how people are behaving. The things we can't see or easily gain from dialogue would be the body language and as for scenery, we don't need every detail like the library had two doors, just the relevent ones for what's coming up - the stuff the character would notice. ;)
Adding that sort of level of detail can really improve the story, to describe what we're used to seing on show, yet without going overboard on every detail. It's a fine balance and it does take practice. It's a good effort for a first fic but I'd recommend you find a beta reader, to proofread your story first - it can make a world of difference, and trust me we all need a beta, i know I always do. :D
One thing though, we really we don't need explicit description for Shawn unless he's quite different in the AU. After all we see him every week. :)
But I'm off to read the next chapter. Is it okay for me to post a link to this in my weekly 4400 roundup I do on livejournal? I compile a list of new fics etc every week for the show. Just thought I'd check with you first since you're new to this and it's your first fic.
| thebillnut chapter 2 . 6/23/2007
Good couple of chapters
update soon plz!