|Reviews for Melting the Ice|
| 612 chapter 4 . 4/9/2008
aw hugging is so cute
| SangoSnow26 chapter 1 . 1/17/2008
I hope this gets updated soon! Please don't forget about it! It's really good and I like it alot! Please Please PLEASE update!
| FireyFlames chapter 4 . 11/28/2007
Ooh, one of the greatest AlvissxOC fics ever. Also it has hits of NanashixDorothy! Please update!
| BLAZE r e q u i e m chapter 4 . 10/16/2007
Whoot! Update! This is pretty good!
| AngelRin89 chapter 4 . 7/24/2007
i think a NanashixKeina...IS WAY CUTER that AlvissxKeina
| AngelRin89 chapter 2 . 7/24/2007
Shame on you Nanashi...LOL!
| wingsofire chapter 4 . 7/7/2007
It was okay. Keep writing! I want to know what happens next!
| California-Italian chapter 4 . 6/30/2007
you are right nanashi was out of character but it was pretty good
| cookie2718 chapter 4 . 6/30/2007
Woah...That...was unexpected...BUT COOL ANYWAY! I luv it!
| Rei-ada chapter 1 . 6/26/2007
Ei chan! coughs coughs im revieing now and i must say DO ANOTYHER CHAPTER ha and your moms complaing rite now to tim your gonna come over after tennis and we have ryken practice
| California-Italian chapter 3 . 6/25/2007
that was cool i can't wait till you update, two thing first of all girls kick butt. GO KEINA! oh and i laugh at Alviss cause she just totally beat him into the ground
| nekosaru chapter 3 . 6/25/2007
Great story please update as soon as you can:3
| Foxof7shadows chapter 3 . 6/24/2007
That was awesome! I can't wait for an update! Keep up the good work.
P.S. Just out of curiosity, how do you pronounce Keina?
| yoroshiku chapter 3 . 6/24/2007
oukou no Sakkaa, I thank you for reviewing my story and I checked out yours because you asked and were very nice about it. : ) It's also a relief to know that I am not the only newbie in the MAR Community.
This may sound mean, but believe me, I'm not trying to be. It's some constructive-criticism, NOT a flame. I would try to start another story along with this one or whatever you choose to do. There are how many AlvissxOC stories out there? Plus, two-thirds of the OCs are Mary Sues. (I'm not saying who, but there quite a few of them.) If you do not know what a Mary Sue is, please look it up on Wikipedia because I'm too lazy to explain it right now. XD
Anyways...your OC 'Keina' is starting to lean towards a Mary Sue. Examples from your story so far are that fact that she has good stamina, Jack and Nanashi hitting on her, Alviss sort of likes her at the beginning, being very strong mentally and physically, Alan eager to test out her strength, and her exotic ARMs.
First off, please stick to the ARM categories that already exist. Second, Alan would have known her strength since he can sense a person's magical power and if she is so experienced that she can hide her magical power, you have a bigger problem. Third, everyone liking her at first? Umm, they would probably investigate her and be more suspicious to someone who pops out of nowhere.
Fourth, and most important! NEVER make it even CLOSE to love at first sight with Alviss. NEVER EVER. He liked Ginta better in the end, but Ginta grew on him along with the rest of Team MAR. Fifth, Alviss wouldn't give up so easily, saying "I give up, and I take back what I said". That makes him majorly OOC (out of character) along with the love at first sight thing.
Here's some advice, too. Try not to use any Japanese words, like "Hai" and so on. This is MAR Heaven, they don't speak Japanese. I know that "hai" means yes, but other readers may be confused. Also it would be nice to tell when this is happening, I am assuming it's before the War Games...
All in all, you should do some revising. I'm not being mean at all. I'm just telling you and I hope that we may become friends. :3 You are very nice and have talent; I love the way you describe things so detailed! I have trouble with that. If you want to say something back, or talk to me, PM me. I hope more people review and you continue. See ya! :D (Sorry about the REALLY long review. Heheh, oops...)
| GintaxAlvissForever chapter 1 . 6/24/2007
Me: It's good, but it's hard to get used to straight couples like AlvissxOC. It takes a lot of effort!
Yohko: Taisyu and Kyatsu's stories are probably the only ones you can read without a problem.
Me: Yeah, but I like it. Jack is so in character.