Reviews for Blood Line
Potatoes and Cheetos chapter 2 . 1/25/2008
While your grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes aren't the worst I've ever seen, they are still noticeable. Please proofread better or get a beta. In addition to that please learn how to write better. PLEASE.
Cascading Waterfall chapter 1 . 11/19/2007
The dialogue needs to be separated from person to person. Also some minor spelling and grammatical errors need to be fixed (May I kindly suggest a beta?).

All in all it's not a bad story and I suggest you ignore the flames. If someone doesn't have the time you write up an actual flame and just copy and pastes a previous flame, what makes you think he/she actually read the story?

Keep on writing!

Cascading Waterfall
Kingdom Hearts 3D rocks chapter 1 . 11/3/2007
this story makes no sense whatsoever
Anonnie Mouse chapter 1 . 8/20/2007
Flame Rising is a Troll, put him/her on your block list:

1223755

That's the userID, if you don't know what a troll is, search 'forum' on wikipedia.

(P.S I GOT THE SAME FLAME)
Issylt chapter 2 . 7/30/2007
Cool cool cool! Great work, except for a few punctuation errors.

And please don't listen to that insane nut Flame Rising who thinks that EVERY story, no matter how good, is always pathetic. Just ignore him...

AND UPDATE SOON!
Unlove You chapter 2 . 7/12/2007
Lol I can't wait for the brotherly rivalry in this fanfic hehe I love this fanfic already!
porkeepine chapter 1 . 7/5/2007
Cool story!

Hey Flame Rising: Anyone who says "s.h.i.t" THAT much, must be pretty full of it themselves... How's that workin' out for ya?
LivexxLaughxxLovexx chapter 2 . 7/1/2007
Great chappie! Update soon!
Stessa chapter 2 . 7/1/2007
Wow! It's so great he asked her out! Yay! I can't wait for the next chapter.
Stessa chapter 1 . 6/25/2007
This seems great, please update as soon as possible ) And I love Jesse Metcalfe, he's so hot! :p
LivexxLaughxxLovexx chapter 1 . 6/24/2007
Great first chapter. Just make sure when you write you separate your dialouge. For Example:

"I hate you!" Troy said, he jumped on the back of his brother and stayed there, they both laughed in unison. Thier father, Jack Bolton. Watched his two sons, he smirked and smiled.

Gesturing his wife to come watch too.

"They were so small back then, Look at them now. In years, they're going to graduate" Mrs. Bolton said, also watching and following the movements of her two sons'. Tristan was 18 and Troy was 17. Tristan was a senior while Troy was a junior, in two years they would be in thier own universities like Duke or Yale studying for the real life. Thier thoughts were inerrupted by the doorbell ringing, Mrs. Bolton walked towards the door and swung the wooden door open. Revealing a blonde petite girl wearing a pink shirt with white jogging pants holding her Ipod

Make sure you spell check and also watch your capital letters and your where your sentences end. For Example:

This is what you have:

"I hate you!" Troy said, he jumped on the back of his brother and stayed there, they both laughed in unison. Thier father, Jack Bolton. Watched his two sons, he smirked and smiled. Gesturing his wife to come watch too, "They were so small back then, Look at them now. In years, they're going to graduate" Mrs. Bolton said, also watching and following the movements of her two sons'. Tristan was 18 and Troy was 17.

This is what it should be ( I'll put the corrections in these () ):

"I hate you!" Troy said, he jumped on the back of his brother and stayed there, they both laughed in unison. ( Thier father, Jack Bolton. Watched his two sons, he smirked and smiled. {In this sentence you should change 'thier to their' and after Jack Bolton take away the period and add a comma and where is says 'gesturing his wife to come watch too.' Add a 'he' in front of gesturing' and change 'gesturing' to 'gesture.' Then take away the comma and add a period.} Gesturing his wife to come watch too,) "They were so small back then, Look at them now. (In years,{ How many years will Tristan be graduating and how many years will Troy be graduating? Say something like "In a year Tristian will be graduating and in 2 years Troy will" or something like that} ) they're going to graduate" Mrs. Bolton said, also watching and following the movements of her two sons'. Tristan was 18 and Troy was 17.

I'm not trying to critize you I'm just trying to help you so please don't take this the wrong way and if you do I apologize. But please update soon I can't wait to see what's going to happen.
Often Forgotten chapter 1 . 6/24/2007
Flame Rising, you fuckin' coward.

You really make me laugh. Fan fictions. Ah. Your life revolves around fan fictions. Ah. Fan fictions are your god, if nothing else. Ah. You're easily offended by shit fan fictions because fan fictions are sacred to you. Ah. I am so frickin' sorry for your no-life, fan-fiction obsessed ass. Ah. Please get a fuckin' life.

It really makes me wonder why your coward ass had to ban me from your forum, which I gotta say is the main place where people who have no life but fan fictions hope to be popular, if only in some pathetic, grammar-nazi-feel-good way.

Big fucking deal. You have good grammar. Okay, like some other 1.5 billion people in the world. Yeah, you would really stand up. Loser.
MiseryluvsDeath chapter 1 . 6/23/2007
Sounds interesting.
Evans Mary chapter 1 . 6/23/2007
That's sound So good! I really like the idea that two brothers, two sexy brothers, fitgh each other for a girl! I hope the first chapter will come soon!
Jenny1991 chapter 1 . 6/23/2007
This sounds really good, can't wait for the first chapter!