Reviews for Repercussions
B.T.44 chapter 24 . 3/30/2012
Well congratulations this was a poor fic and you've made Keitaro into an even bigger asshole then he was in the manga given his selfish attitude, his refusals to listen to reason and the shitty way he treats his own family and how he's happy to side with others over his family and friends lets face it Keitaro has no idea of the meaning of things like love, friendship or even family!

Also Hina is an even bigger bitch then she was in the manga given how she is only concerned for her own plans and nothing else not even cares for her own children or grand-children. Lets face it Hina is a rotten old woman who is happy to lie, hide the truth from others and just play with people's lives.

Also Mutsumi can lie because she keeps on driving Keitaro towards Naru who abuses not to mention she makes excuses for even the most cruel behavior and was more concerned for Naru and the other girls then Keitaro.

Also Mutsumi spends more time buttering up Naru also during the trial has everyone forgotten for instance that time when Keitaro asked her to clear things and she just said her test came back positive without being specific resulting in him getting hit?

Also the Tokyo U promise was meaningless because it was just a damn kids promise when 5 year olds can say all kinds of stuff they don't or make the most stupid promises also a lot can change in over a decade.

Also has everyone forgotten how Mutsumi wasn't straight with Keitaro from the beginning like when she switched the promise without involving Keitaro making the promise even less valid?

Well I say all this because somebody must and if you want to delete my review be my guest but at least have future reviewers have the right to decide for themselves whether I'm right or wrong, will you?
Ken chapter 4 . 11/2/2011
Mutsumi as is has got enough of good quirks in canon to keep her from ever being a mary-sue.

And I just love’er she’s my personal favorite and for me she is the nicest and sweetest.

Love Hina fun facts

1. Signs of Mutsumis anemia are gone by the end of the manga.

2. Mutsumi is a great cook as it is stated in the manga. (Cake is not a lie.)

3. Mutsumi is not a liar.

is the only one of the girls to never intentionally harm Keitaro. (Example chapter 113 of the manga Shinobu hits Keitaro on the back of the head with a frying pan ON PURPOSE and also once kicked him in the Balls.)

is the only on of the love hina group to go on to further her education after her initial graduation of Tokyo University.
Officer Hot-Pants chapter 24 . 10/17/2011
It's official; Best. Love Hina fic. Ever. Without a doubt, this was the most engrossing and real fiction I've every read online PERIOD. And to be honest, given my personal stance on Naru, making me get all misty-like at seeing her leave is a real achievement, but you did it; you made me *swallows back the building bile* li... l-l... li-ike... like Naru. Huh. Anyone else hear that? Sounds like horses. Four of 'em. And seven trumpets. Well, I'm sure it's nothing major... Why is the sky turning red?

To reiterate: I love this fic, and I want to have it's babies, the fact I'm male be damned. It'll be painful, but worth it.
SerialKing chapter 24 . 7/16/2011
I know it's been up and finished for quite some time but this is the first time I've sat down and read it in it's entirety. From start to finish I could not leave the story be. Beautifully written and emotional, I thank you for continuing it to completion. Excellent work. It was truly a pleasure to read.
linkyss chapter 5 . 12/5/2010
Interesting
Pr1nnyDUD3 chapter 8 . 7/24/2010
there is no friggin romance in this just angst and junk... im pretty sure ive read it before but really label this properly, like as comfort drama and a big fat heaping of ANGST.

still great read though! hopefully ill figure out why i wanted to read it again.
inanethought chapter 24 . 6/27/2010
It's been a long time.

I tried to reread your story again, but...I found I could not. Too many times my eyes fogged over by the inconsistency in your characters, and in your settings.

Not that your fic is so horrible. It's really beautiful for a first attempt at a fanfic. No serious spelling errors, and a plot that's not a high school AU. But, and I'm being perfectly honest, you've committed a few serious newbie errors.

First one I'd like to discuss is your overuse of epithets. There are way too many "blonde", "honey-haired girls", "older woman" and "violet-haired girls" where there shouldn't be. Unless it's integral to the scene they're in, such as dyeing their hair, physical descriptions of the characters should be limited to their introductions. Social status has a bit more leeway, but then casually describing someone as "kannrinin" when the scene is just them having dinner and not related at all to Tokyo-U studies gets annoying. Not to mention this odd exchange: "Raising his chocolate irises to meet olive ones..." Reading that doesn't make me visualize Keitaro staring Motoko in the eye, as intended, but instead makes me think of two foods that should never go together.

When it comes to epithets, they're best used sparingly, to add visual zest in a dish. You likely overused it because you thought the fic would become too repetitive and plain. The trouble is that by overusing the same phrases it ends up becoming even more repetitive, so you might as well have used pronouns and an occasional name.

Another thing...too many goddamn crying scenes. Too many scenes where the girls or Keitaro just break down in sobs. Crying can be emotional, but less is more. It's one thing if the person is a natural crybaby like Shinobu, but when everyone is doing it it's tiring. There are other ways of expressing a break down besides full-out sobbing.

Well, technical stuff done with, let's go with the characterization, arguably the reason your fic is so popular. ...Honestly, I did initially like your take on the characters when I first read it, but then I had only watched the anime and hadn't touched the manga, which you allegedly based off of with a few sprinklings of the anime (Shinobu's parents divorcing, etc.). In fact, your fic encouraged me to read the manga, as I heard a lot was changed.

Indeed it was. And that's when I started seeing some problems.

First off, Keitaro himself. His characterization is consistent with his anime self, although I highly doubt Keitaro never possessed any porno. (Yeah, he'd likely throw it out after hooking up with Naru, but it comes off as making him a Sympathy Sue.) I also would have liked an explanation as to why his Immortality is wearing off, instead of just serving as a plot device to make everyone hate Naru, Motoko, and Mitsume's actions. At the least they should have questioned about it.

Naru I can say the same. She's more consistent with her anime self. But...I hate the backstory you set up for her. It's too much. I actually cried when I read that chapter. Personally speaking, I dislike the "Rape as Backstory" excuse to explain a character's issues with men, as it serves nothing else but a mere Fruidean excuse. Your fic is no exception. Keitaro's cool reaction to her story pissed me off. If I accidentally groped someone, and later found out they had been molested in a similar manner, I'd feel like tossing myself off a cliff. But what I hated about it at the time is that you didn't expand on it enough. I wanted to know how it could be linked to her parent's divorce and little sister, her backstory in the anime. And how she felt back when she was crushing on Seta ... just ... SOMETHING! I seriously considered writing a fic to fill in those gaps, but couldn't find a good way to contact you and gain your permission. I could go on further about your take on Naru, but it's late and character space is limited.

Mutsumi...Mutsumi, Mutsumi. I had suspected somewhat that she'd be the winning girl, although I'd hope I was wrong since it would be too predictable. I like Mutsumi, but in canon I find her too much of a Relationship Sue. Your take fleshed her out a lot, but it's become a cliche to take a happy person and make them a Stepford Smiler.

On another note, as I read more of the manga, the thought of who might be the winning girl remained my only reason to continue reading the fic. Hell, it was likely your real reason you became so popular, as it created a lot of suspense. Then, once it was revealed you ruined it for future readers by labeling the fic Keitaro/Mutsumi in the shipping tags. orz

Mitsune...first I should mention that Mitsune is a "free-lance worker", someone who gets by on part-time work, not a writer. Second, I'm surprised that Mitsune's actions aren't called on enough. Not just her drunkeness; that happens enough. But her manipulativeness in general. Her calling out Naru on her violent behavior toward Keitaro comes off as hypocritical as she's more than encouraged her friend's abuse by arranging events that would clearly cause Keitaro to go flying. Yet, only Haruka calls her out on this, when it should be Naru or Keitaro doing so.

Speaking of her...actually Haruka doesn't care less if kids drink alcohol. No, I'm serious. Reread the manga. There's a scene where they set up a party, and Keitaro questions Haruka about drinking with underage around. And Haruka just says "It's fine". It's meant to show her laid-back nature. Yours is a stick-in-the-mud by comparison. And OOCly cruel. She's quick to call out the "3 culprits" on their violent behavior toward their nephew, but doesn't hesitate to hit him when he calls her "old". Not to mention her special favoritism toward Shinobu, of which there is no evidence of such in the manga at all.

Shinobu... her parents don't divorce in the manga. Well, they attempt to, but then they make up. And, the manga is about her gaining spunk and not being the quiet shy girl. Yours just seemed to reset her back so she can regain her spunk again. That aside, she's possibly the best character in the fic.

Sara... That time, I think it was unfair to blame only her. Keitaro could have told her beforehand, but he didn't.

Seta... nothing much, except he CAN cook.

I also would have liked to see more of Tama-chan.
raintheangels chapter 24 . 5/29/2010
I will judge this story, after reading it in it's entirety, with one simple word; beautiful. I sincerely hope your other stories are as vibrant and real as this one. Thank you for an epic masterpiece.
Anmynous chapter 24 . 2/14/2010
The attention to detail with sayings and mannerisms is astonishing, and the characters develop while still being believably themselves. Humor is present when appropriate, not constantly but there and enjoyable, and the same for drama.

Absolutely sublime from start to finish, and I will get down on my knees and thank the heavens if I can read many more stories like this in my life.
Ninja on the Roof chapter 24 . 2/12/2010
Brilliant, simply brilliant, this is the best fanfic I have on this site, no doubt about. You have a real talent for the literary arts.
A Dude named Dud chapter 24 . 1/22/2010
Dude... This is the best fanfic i've ever read...

No lie...

It was heart wrenching, deep, character development was incredible, and the cliffhangers just hooked me in til' the very end.

Dude seriously, you get two thumbs up!
Haan chapter 3 . 1/21/2010
This chapter might be the most evil, infuriating and frustrating single chapter I've ever read!

Good work, but if I had to wait for an update I just might have had to track you down and test this whole L.E.O myself.

Great story so far.

Haan
Higashiyama Sayuri's Devout chapter 24 . 10/4/2009
Wow...
XPGamer chapter 24 . 9/30/2009
amazing
XPGamer chapter 20 . 9/30/2009
I feel sorry for Motoko.
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