Reviews for Kurogane and Fai Go To WalMart
Relimeax chapter 3 . 5/16/2009
Aw, Flo, this is hilarious! I love how you express these characters, and Yuuko's entrance and relation to Mokona's was brilliant.

And the ending. It felt like (SyaoranSakura) foreshadowing. Hmm.

I-I'm not going to stress you about continuing. But I'd really like it. A lot.

...And I'd love to be your editor.
applepielover chapter 3 . 3/9/2009
That was hilarious, even with Yuuko. So sad that you're not updating your fanfics for now (but I understand). You have a good sense of humor, I must say. :D

Corrections:

"You two did take care of my little Mokona in it’s moment of need." its.

"Then again, with tape over his mouth he couldn’t" There should be a period at the end.
applepielover chapter 2 . 3/9/2009
I like the character interaction and the part with Mokona.

Corrections:

"Fai tucked a pieced of hair behind his ear and slid his fingers around to inside his mouth in order to give Kurogane a better idea of his true meaning." piece; I believe "the" should be between to and inside.

"And then the word “whore” sent Kurogane’s mind into over drive on fantasies and before either one knew it, something jumped out in front of the car." overdrive.

“A bunny! You hit a bunny! A little white bunny with a red jewel on it’s forehead and an earring! And look! It’s fluffy bunny tail is gone! How could you?” its.

“Get the car!” I believe "in" should be between get and the.

"Kurogane growled and stomped back to the car to take his place behind the wheel, only to see the science experiment (gone horribly, horribly wrong) sitting there, it’s stubby paws trying to turn the wheel." its.

"It needs to get back home to it’s creator!" its.
applepielover chapter 1 . 3/9/2009
This is an interesting story. Definitely going to read the rest.

Correction:

"Taking the bait despite it’s obvious lure, Kurogane said through gritted teeth," its.
Emie chapter 3 . 11/9/2008
"Love struck teenagers wanting to elope"! Please let there be lovestruck teenagers wanting to elope!

Your KuroFai is wonderful, I'm not usually a fan of crack but with them...crack is inevitable (or angst, but crack is happier)
katie666 chapter 3 . 7/13/2008
never been in walmart but already love it! their journey is epic (Kuro makes a great Odys, doesn't he?) and the fragment about sex slave market made me roll on my floor and laugh like a maniac (but it's all your fault!) and I cheer you for being disciplined (because I would get more of your fanfics XD)
Vicks111 chapter 3 . 7/11/2008
awesome Yuuko is AWESOME! I wouldn't mind seeing some Crazy!Clow for her, though XD *evil thoughts gathering*

And how about annoying Touya too? I wouldn't mind that AT ALL! You see, you are not the only one that goes on crack tangents, Vivi-san.
nic98ole chapter 3 . 7/8/2008
This is great! I can't wait to see Sakura and Syaoran in there and when they really go to Wal-Mart Update soon!
PurplishPen chapter 3 . 7/8/2008
Haha, I love this! How many people are they gonna end up with in that car?

And yay for crack tangents!

(Any chance of FWR being the cashier/greeter..?)
Cardboard Rocketship chapter 3 . 7/8/2008
This is an absolutely cute piece! Also, if one plays 'La Vie Boheme' from RENT with the pseudo-funeral, it fits perfectly at the beginning.
Fai'swingedchronicles chapter 3 . 7/7/2008
This is quicker I thought you freakin discontinued it! Thats okay though since its so funny! I love your jokes dirty or not!lol Kurotan has such a ...vivd imagiantion. So i take it heres where syaron and sakura come in maybe? Does kurorin act like a father figure if they are trying to elope {go back home talk it out etc.}?
SilverKleptoFox chapter 3 . 7/7/2008
Heheheh. Yuuko's onna try and steal Fai from Kuro-myu as her personal assisstant of cuteness, too bad Fai is gay. And Yuuko is very I can't wait to see what happens when they actually get to Wal-mart.

Seeya soon!

-SKF
deux-michelle chapter 3 . 7/7/2008
luvly as always. i'm so addicted.

yes, manga-type people have editors that help them with the storyline parts of the manga.
radioactive edelweiss chapter 3 . 7/7/2008
You're too awesome for words ;_;
BlackBunny15 chapter 3 . 7/7/2008
Wow, Teenagers that want to elope? No who could that be XD.

I have the feeling Touya wouldn't be to happy. Yuuko is so cool.
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