Reviews for Flagged off
MASTERGAMERSEMPAI chapter 6 . 8/27/2009
Thank you for letting me be myself! BE MYSELF! *singing* Cool story!
Hawk-Hotlips chapter 6 . 6/29/2007
Well, besides the slightly random Radar with the MP thing, it was alright. It was written in italics for some weird reason. Also, Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar were in character, but Flagg wasn't totaly in-character. Maybe it's just because of the fact that there weren't any of Flagg's confusing lines. It's good for a first fic. The best part is, that you learn as you go along.
Freebird87 chapter 1 . 6/28/2007
Spearchucker's first name is Oliver.
Hawk-Hotlips chapter 5 . 6/28/2007
uhh...I think this is against the rules. (leaving a note, not a story) but it's your first fic, so I won't say anything.
Hawk-Hotlips chapter 4 . 6/28/2007
Much better.
Twisted Ingenue chapter 3 . 6/28/2007
THIS IS REALLY REALLY REALLY AWESOME! I love how it flows and gets to the point! Keep it up! I'm being serious!
Hawk-Hotlips chapter 3 . 6/28/2007
I really duggest you seperate dialog from the paragraph and other dialog, because some people might be confused and not like the story.
Hawk-Hotlips chapter 2 . 6/27/2007
...I don't know what to say. I honestly see what is happening here, with Flagg and Spearchucker and all, but honestly also, I see a lot wrong with it;

1. You have two chapters up. They're the same chapter. Please take one down.

2. For some reason this is in bold print. it should be in regular print.

3. You need to do some spell checking here.

4. You need to add some commas and a little more exclamation and such in there.

5. You need spacing between every piece of dialog and descriptions like;

Hawkeye raised his hand and pointed at the still sleeping (spelling corrected) Frank.

"Guys, (comma inserted) we shouldn't take it out on ourselves when we have Frank."

Everybody raised their pillows and started hitting Frank time after time. (sounds better if it said 'again and again' instead)

"Stop it!" (exclamation inserted, it sounds more Frankish) was all Frank could say.

"What was that, Frank?" (comma and question mark inserted) said Hawkeye as he raised the jug for a drink. (By the way, they drink martinis, so it ahould be a martini glass instead of a jug)

"Oh... you guys! I'm going!" (two separate sentences) Frank said in a huff of anger. (huff sounds a bit better and it makes sense)

"Not seeing Margaret again." Trapper said.

It flows a bit better that way and it makes more sense to the reader.

6. In the last paragraph, the dialog doesn't make sense. There should be some punctuation or something. (especially with Hawkeye's retort to Flagg)

7. "fricken" and all alterations were never used much in the 50's.

I'm just giving you friendly advice. I'm not trying to be mean so don't be offended. I understand it's your first story. I jad the same problems.