|Reviews for A Duet of Fists|
| enderverse chapter 6 . 8/28/2008
EVIL! that was horrible! how could you that to him! The fiance was funny though.
| Kinhoshi89 chapter 7 . 6/22/2008
Looking forward to the next chapter.
| Hat O' Doom chapter 7 . 6/16/2008
| luger 7 chapter 7 . 5/29/2008
Great fanfic. Party on dude.
| Ganheim chapter 7 . 5/24/2008
A sharp wind scoured an icy desert, barren plain with a howl they felt reverberate deep in their chests.
[It looks like this sentence is two distinct segments, though besides saying 'somewhere around a comma not strong enough to do the job' I'm not certain where it should be split. Though the narrative description is superb in general, this one sentence which in two senses describes the interaction of wind with surroundings and characters feels a little clunky to me.]
His desert cloak was the only thing he found,
[Although it's a possibility that this is the only thing that he brought this time, I'd be surprised if that's all Ryouga has had. Between the manga and the anime, he's been in every conceivable type of terrain and climate. Based on that, it would be my belief that he would have gear for surviving in any place.]
grabbing his traveling companion by the front of his shirt.
[Or jacket or few.]
“I should have known something was up when you agreed to come this way!”
[Funnily enough, there's a point to that. Out of his piglet form, he appears to have no sense of direction.]
As one, they deflected the attack with their other arm and followed up with a knee to the sternum.
[Impressive beginning to a good fight scene. Rather foolish of them, but it's in character for the circumstances.]
the icy chill of the tundra
[_in_ the icy chill?]
The range of Ranma's voice fought against the depth of Ryouga's, turning their explanation into a discordant cacophony which
[...made me laugh out loud.]
Even more jarring to was the chimney
smoke trailing from it's opening
[“It's” is the contraction of “it is”, “Its” is the possessive of “it”.]
had melted the ice they'd seen in countenance
Thick wool rugs, ranging from a dark green to a bright blue, combined with the dancing light to gave the impression that the floor was a churning pool of water.
[A very interesting manner of continuing the “water-element-plane” that's been consistently built since the beginning of the chapter.]
and a decidedly dark red tinge to thoroughly tanned skin ruined the effect,
[Besides the fact that dark tans are not a normal Japanese characteristic.]
The older man's grip could have crushed a boulder into gravel, and Ryouga met that strength with the same terrible power, feeling the tendons on his arm quiver.
[Although a handshake is not what most would consider a typical Japanese greeting (particularly among the more traditional folk), it's not outside validity and it does an interesting job of contrasting the characters.]
[What about in chapter ? when you tell us that Ranma splashing into the koi pond transforms him? Of course, I personally would consider this contact with water to be one that wouldn't activate his curse – that typically is a splash of at least a liter of water, and it's questionable whether the liquid water touching him would be up to a liter however much it may feel like. It depends on how one interprets the workings of the curse.]
Ranma was amazed that the demon could make a pout look smug.
[Why? I'd figure that's one he's given and mastered himself.]
Whether it was coincidence or fate, Ryouga's hand happened to be in the perfect position to pad the girl's behind from his solid thighs. Her left leg clipped his arm as she fell, momentum throwing Ryouga's other hand briefly into the air before it landed on her chest.
[Funny how often that happens to the Nerima Wrecking Crew.]
and jangling the magically-bonded chairs
Her arms fell to drap across her knees,
Even if crafty old woman
[Missing 'the' preceding 'crafty']
a fluctuation in either could have flung you to the other of existence.”
[other _end_ of existence?]
“As my mother exists neither in life or any afterlife,
higher brain functions trying to rev the stalled engine.
“Some of the fragments are pretty mean spirited and will use any opportunity to make a situation worse.
[Sometimes called Murphy]
“And I choose to favour Luck for one reason: Until I slip and fall, Luck might decide the stone isn't so slippery after all. Fate's inept mason did his work a long time ago.”
[Sounds like a logical decision to me.]
For whatever reason, the bond had been suspended for now.
[Pity, that would've had a lot of room for comedy.]
as he concentrated on th shifting feet
Guys with more magic than some planes of existence spend millenia trying to get it,
[I am confused, and I think it's the sentence phrasing. He's got more magic coursing through him than some planes of existence? He burns through it? Just so happens to have more of it around him?]
and a larger area to work.
[Or a more focused area to work, as I would word it.]
“No need for my toolbox to clutter the place if it doesn't have to,” he quipped, hefting the blunt instrument to salute them.
[I can't say specifically what, but something about that was extremely funny.]
Frequent damage to the Tendo dojo and the houses around it had forced Ranma to quickly learn carpentry or be forced to work multiple jobs to pay for all the damage.
Once it was all stained and varnished, even the most canny-eyed builder would have been lucky to determine any damage had been done at all.
[That would be something seasoned professionals would be hard-pressed to manage with most homes, even log-cabin-types.]
“If you manage to nail one of the stronger ones, don't stick around to celebrate or you might have to do it all over again.”
[I don't know why, but this made me think of Final Fantasy.]
but you're talking about beings we've been ”
[Missing closing punctuation. I also think that Ryouga meant 'seen' instead of 'been', as the two have always been humans and not 'gods' or 'demons'.]
the black outline of a four-sided diamon,
[I don't know what a diamon is, but maybe he meant 'diamond'?]
“The sight of the wretched blink in time
[of _that_ wretched blink?]
Maz's amused eyed.
The young man facing Miyuki with a bokken glanced at the pair in annoyance, brushing back a long mass of dark chocolate brown hair. His features were smooth, high cheekbones complementing a somewhat narrow jawline and round chin. The elements made the boys think the man's appearance was deliberately refined instead of feminine.
[An interesting description, to be sure.]
Either Ranma was about to be mangled by one of the most venerated men in Japanese history, or he was about to pay the ultimate disrespect by handing the man his own ass on a platter.
[Both of which are uproariously funny.]
His cursed began with Fate
“The True Blunder can never know.
[Blue Thunder? Or is this an intentional mockery of the self-proclaimed and still silly nickname? Ranma never seemed to give him the respect of the time or effort of mutilating his nickname, not that I can remember.]
After two weeks, she'd even taken to throwing Ryouga a look of faint apology before magma-heated vitriol poured from her own rosebud lips, turning her cute frown into a mask of horrific fury as she returned Ranma's comments with a vocal broadside of her own.
[I was amused with the eloquent manner of describing “bickering”.]
shattered as he : He realized his anger
[What's with the two 'he's?]
Memories of Akari's wind-chime laugh a ghostly whisper in his ear, he bitterly accepted that the mighty military formation had already ceded fertile ground, allowing a rosebud to stubbornly grow. A small part of him fervently wished to see it reach it's tentative promise of a fully-bloomed glory.
[Although I understand that time together forms bonding, they're not exactly doing much of anything together.]
The unlikely pairing of benevolent devil and notorious pugilist
[I dunno, there's something fitting it.]
Guilt warred with joy
[Apparent extraneous hard return, though due to the capitalization I'm not sure if it's QuickEdit's mistake.]
There will be times when your only option is a permanent one. Accept it now, when you have the luxury of time,”
[An eerie statement.]
He wasn't sure if he should be happy he'd accepted his curse or worried that he was getting close to considering it one of the less notable events things in his life.
He pushed a length of bamboo conjured out of the air into the boy's fumbling hands, chuckling at the renewed incredulity as the youth juggled shirt and staff. “That staff isn't nearly as fancy: It's impossible to break and will cause damage to most spirits that regeneration won't heal. The only other tricks it has are pretty minor. If you block a weapon strike, the weapon will stick for half a second so your foe can't slide it along and whack fingers and it will shrink to a foot long with a thought, so you can store it when it's not needed.”
[A neat bo.]
before you stick your nose in it's face, okay?”
[“It's” is a contraction of “it is”, “its” is the possessive of “it”.]
from that Norn wench who ruled in Hades
[Hel, I believe the second child of Loki?]
but to Linux Ubuntu. The choice is equal parts spite for Lady Shinimegami and desire to keep my hardware.
[Happy trails with Linux, then.]
An interesting development. I'll bet that Ryouga's going to get a few interesting gadgets as well – I wonder how they'll compliment Ranma's. I'm more iffy about Ryouga's strange affection of Koyuki and turning from Akari, what with the time supposedly consumed heavily by training for their future adventure, but there hasn't been anything too severe to rail against. Otherwise it's still good writing.
God bless and happy writing,
| Adeptis chapter 7 . 5/20/2008
| Aaronmizuno chapter 1 . 5/16/2008
Just a heads up, Krista didn't invent Yuki-onna. Yuki-onna is actually a figure in Japanese folklore... so she's totally public domain.
... that DOES sound a little odd though, doesn't it?
| Helljump chapter 7 . 5/15/2008
Can't wait for the fight with Musashi.
Fate has green hair... This reminds me of a certain senshi. Am I right?
| Aelsthla-Mental chapter 7 . 5/14/2008
Nice chapter, clever to redo the first few chapter, most people decide whether they will read a story based on the first chapter :), and the title/summary helps too...
Clever similes, most (if not all) of the jokes seem fresh and humorous.
Haven't tried hard to look for errors, but still, didn't see any that just jump out at you :). although i don't know what you were exactly talking about in the Authors Notes
Working on this has actually lit a fire under the part of my ass associated with GMing. I'm looking for a group... So if anyone is interested, feel free to PM me or email me AFTER you've taken a look at the rules.
So i return your cheers, good luck!
| M1daf chapter 6 . 5/10/2008
I've greatly enjoyed this story so far. It's refreshingly original, and surprisingly humorous. I've found that I especially like stories that have Ranma and Ryouga, not exactly getting along, but working together. Looking forward to seeing this continued
| Dax chapter 6 . 5/9/2008
| luger 7 chapter 6 . 5/8/2008
Great fanfic! Party on, dude.
| Risika67 chapter 5 . 5/7/2008
Like Your Story.
| Lathis chapter 5 . 5/7/2008
You have a good story going here. The characters are good, the mythos that you are developing is interesting and your technical skill is good enough that I haven't noticed any errors (not that I'm really looking). I think this is shaping up to be one of the few on going stories that I plan on keeping an eye on in this section.
| Helljump chapter 5 . 5/7/2008
...should've seen it coming. Poor Ryouga. D
I personally liked the 'welcome to the club' line.
I assume that Koyuki is going to be joining them on their travels?
Top job on this chapter, looking forward to the next one.