Reviews for Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars
I-Am-The-TARDIS chapter 1 . 3/24/2011
please update

xoxo
darkknight uk chapter 3 . 12/28/2007
Mon dieu!

I have always been a big fan of the Broken Sword series ever since the original came out in '96 and had been looking for a fan novelisation for some time. I'd even considered doing one myself but realistically have neither the patience nor free time for such a Herculean undertaking.

And then I found this little gem. In all honesty I have to admit I was at first making a conscious effort not to like your novelisation since its approach was so different to what mine would have been (I couldn't imagine it not being in the first person). But, I must say you've won me over.

I love the way we share an American in Europe's point of view but with that British perspective (as in the games). Howay the lads indeed! The whimsical and romanticised version of Paris from the game is communicated perfectly and your sense of imagery easily conjured those wonderful hand painted visuals from the game in my head.

You do exactly what a novel should do, expanding and elaborating on events of the game while tossing in the odd quote here and there to stimulate that fanboy in me.

Moreover your characterisation of George is spot on and he comes across exactly as the earnest, affable fellow we know and love from the games.

My criticisms are fairly minor. Your paragraphs are fairly erratic going from short to very long and a few could be broken up in places. While you have a very richly descriptive writing style (as do I) I think the pace of your writing sometimes suffers for it (again, please don't take this as a dig, I have the exact same problem).

Oh, and it's serenity, not sereneness. Sorry to nitpick ;)

It's 2am and I'm off to Geneva tomorrow but will be sure to read the rest upon my return. A bien tot monsieur!

P.S. You must, MUST finish. There are SO many moments from the game I'm eager to see you deal with here.
nyaikou chapter 7 . 10/28/2007
This is really interesting. It's just like the game but I wonder if you can write it all. But I love it.
TheUnknownMarauder chapter 1 . 9/14/2007
Hello. I found this story from the concrit forum, and here is what I've found so far: (I haven't read all of the first chapter yet, I'm suffering from fatigue at the moment)

Adjectives. If you aim for a Dan Brown-esque style, your writing should be short and concise. Don't use too many adjectives, which will weigh down the writing. Try to aim to use shorter sentences, which will allow you writing to pick up pace. But they should still be varied with the occasional longer sentence, to.. well.. to add variety. :D

Your paragraphs could also be a bit shorter; especially online, long paragraphs look tedious to the reader's eye, and they lose interest. A writer's job is to keep their audience entertained, among other things.

So, in general, the problem with your writing is, frequently, being to verbiose, although there are many good points I haven't bothered to point out (mainly because I don't normally offer that when I do concrit). Overall, though, your writing shows promise, and if you can shorten sentence length and captivate your reader, you could be a very great writer.

Cheers,

TheUnknownMarauder
Coopland chapter 3 . 7/25/2007
Wow. Why has no one reviewd this? It's a masterpiece.

I was going to do this myself but it pales in compirison to yours.

Please continue soon.