|Reviews for The Secret of Peta's Amusement|
| Shusuika chapter 1 . 7/16/2012
Hahahaha Peta the baker, nice one.
ps: i do that too, comparing characters with anzai's other animes :P
| ginryuumaru chapter 1 . 9/3/2010
Peta can cook, what a great idea
| Eternal Dumas chapter 1 . 1/25/2009
Peta as a baker, imagine that! xD
| TuckingFypo chapter 1 . 12/17/2008
I had a good laugh and you know, we're the same...we love Peta! And Ian too! _
| Kyubi-Nemu chapter 1 . 2/19/2008
This story is the most hilarious MAR story I've ever read!I was laughing all the wat through!yay,you used Candice!Candice is my favorite character!10/10
| kura-permanenthiatus chapter 1 . 11/6/2007
lol! xD peta bakes? nicee one! xD heyheys queenie, I didn't know you could compete with me for A/N! I have alot until my dedicated reviewer stopped me, so i hardly write them now (: queenie, review mine! lols. And I was just wondering, is the cake peta made have blood as an ingredient? lols. Nice one, and rolan was captured nicely!
KELLY aka Sakura.
| Aquatic-Idealist chapter 1 . 10/20/2007
Lol, a fic about Peta being a baker, of all things. Wonderful work!
| safirider-yan chapter 1 . 9/12/2007
All I thought is Chimera is mute? Don't you think? Well, nice story ya!
| Rendezvous chapter 1 . 7/31/2007
You really like Peta that much?
| Cartoonworld chapter 1 . 7/8/2007
lol! I love this story! Especially the part when the other chess pieces find out that Peta actually bakes. You should do another one like this. :D
| Reanna-Kris-Katelyn chapter 1 . 7/5/2007
I like it! My friend fell ver laughing thinking dirty thoughts about Peta... _
| PichuPichu chapter 1 . 7/4/2007
That was very funny mostly when Rolan hid behind Galian(I think it was him...)
| vivid4 chapter 1 . 7/1/2007
what Werewolf of Fire said. while they're hilarious (keeping me giggling all the way), you added a little too much notes (not that i'm an expert, but none of the fics i've seen so far had THIS much ANs). and you ought to know the characters better... I mean:
- since when is Pinocchio the innocent little puppet ? he's twice as wicked as the normal Knights, and about 100 as Rolan, right ?
- Kouga is, well, retarded. your Kouga talks a little too much and sounds smarter than he is.
- did you type it wrong ? shouldn't Ash, Galian be in the guys who disapprove of the mission ? and shouldn't Rapunzel and Candice be the firsts to volunteer ? i mean, with Rapunzel's hot-headed character and Candice's tendency of kissing up everything about Phantom...
but i must admit it was hilarious. keep up the good work, spend more time analysing the characters and quit with the side notes; you will make a good author.
| Werewolf of Fire chapter 1 . 7/1/2007
I usually stick to my rule about not reviewing stories I didn’t enjoy reading, but I think you’ve done the Chess (not just Peta) a great injustice. Now, I’m not here to insult/flame you. I am critiquing your story. This story is –okay-, but there are many things you can do to make it better and more enjoyable. Here’s what I think:
You’ve got a good Repunzel, Ash and Rolan voice for some of this fic. I can see them saying all that you’ve had them say in the first bit up to the part where Candis screams. However, your story lacks the description that captures a reader’s imagination. It’s all fine to say what the characters are doing in the way of talking and to put in italics that the wind’s blowing (that in itself is a crime), but you need to go into more detail about how they speak, what they’re doing, etc. For example:
“Deciding to change the subject, Galian turned to Phantom.” – Could be: ‘Galian turned away from the other knights, instead turning his attention to the head knight currently staring off into space.’ It just gives us more definite information, instead of leaving the reader wondering what they’re doing to have made them have this conversation or what they’re doing whilst they’re talking.
I have a question. What does this mean/represent: “…”? You’ve successfully lost me. Are we changing to a new scene? Is something supposed to happen? What is the point of this? I think it’s supposed to be a prolonged silence. Am I correct? Am I close? If that is the case, say so, don’t write a whole heap of full-stops. They’re not meant for that, but to show when a sentence ends or that there is more to be said in the case of an ellipsis. What you’ve used means nothing. It lacks the ability to tell a reader anything. My solution: Don’t use it. Simply describe the atmosphere and the reactions of the Chess. It would make for a more interesting and easier to follow story. The same rule applies to Chimera’s (or any other character’s) lack of reaction.
“Candice shrieked at the top of her lungs, while strangling and shaking Halloween aggressively.” – Now that’s a nice scene to imagine. I like it, lovely. *giggles*
“(O.O)?” – No. Just - no. Emoticons whether made with punctuation marks and letters or being actual icons are not meant for stories. Do. Not. Use. Them. In. Stories. Author’s notes are fine, but not the story itself.
“Phantom had suggested something completely and utterly insane… Anything to do with this!”- You see, that was an excellent example of what you should have been doing throughout this story. You didn’t just use emoticons, you didn’t use a series of dots, you –described- their reactions. Very good. I tip my hat to you.
Okay, besides the above (and the total disrespect for the character’s given character), I have but one more thing to advise you on: your thoughts. Now I know how difficult it is to –not- put what you think into a story like you have; I still go through the same thing and find myself deleting and rewriting things all the time because of it. We all like to make comments about our own work whilst writing, but in the story isn’t the place for such comments. They disrupt the flow of the fic badly. It’s like reading something like this:
Once upon a time. STOP! There was a little tree. STOP! And he liked drinking from the river that flowed under his house. STOP! STOP! STOP!
It’s annoying. So don’t do it. Keep all your comments for your author’s notes.
Anyway, this story had a good concept to it, however it was poorly executed. Take into consideration all that I’ve said and see what you can do to improve it. When you do so, call me back, I’d like to read it. Until then, ciao! Keep writing, but also keep in mind what I’ve said, you can only improve from it,
PS: No it isn't wrong to like Peta. He's my favourite character also. I love him to pieces. *cuddles Peta plushie*
| midea chapter 1 . 7/1/2007
That was HILARIOUS!