Your biggest problem: the Elvish. None of it makes any sense. It's neither Sindarin or Quenya

I'm guessing you got it from the Grey Company Elvish site-the worst place you can go to find elvish. The people there have mess up both Sindarin and Quenya for their own use, and although they have a disclaimer, it often goes unnoticed.

Your best place to go: Merin Essi Ar Quenteli! (google it). A very informative site.

Do cut down on the use of Elvish, even if it's correct. It's a hassle for readers to scroll up and down whenever they read.

-Calenlass

P.S. Forgive me if this review seems harsh-Grey Company Elvish is a pet peeve of mine.

I love your story, your summary is wonderful, the best i have seen. It captivates the reader from the beginning and makes them want to see what it means. Are you a professional writter? or a college major in english? because i have found that some of the best written stories have been from those kind of people.

Your writting doesn't seem to be the writting of a high schooler, it is very good.

Very well written!'Tis awesome so far! I'm gonna keep reading this-I'm a rabid LOTR fan, and love anything related to it. Where'd you learn all the Elvish?

-K.