|Reviews for Ridiculous|
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/23
sesshomaruandrin . blogspot . com
sesshomaruandkagura . blogspot . com
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/22
hellO; sesshomaruandrin . blogspot . com
sesshomaruandkagura . blogspot . com
| overninethousand chapter 1 . 9/24/2013
sesshomaruandrinfaq . blogspot . com
sesshomaruandkagurafaq . blogspot . com
| amai chapter 1 . 5/16/2013
I feel that this was lacking for the most part. I am confident in saying that it went way too fast, potentially important parts were missed such as touching on moments that lead up to the two characters becoming more and more close, and the level of detail put into the story was just not up to par. The paragraphs skipped large amounts of time that not only could have been used to add foundation and detail to the story, but also left me kind of confused about why the story was suddenly being set x amount of time later. I also feel like both Kagura and Sesshomaru were OOC at some points.
That being said, I think that in general this was a good story. The plot was mostly clear and put together though I think it could have used a bit of work. I like how long the story actually ran, for it to only have one chapter, and I enjoyed reading. Good job, keep it up.
| lionheart19 chapter 1 . 3/25/2012
Hehee, oh gaawd this was the cutest thing I've read in a very long time.
Awesome work, a new favourite!
| Halloween265 chapter 1 . 11/3/2010
aw i lyked this it was just cute
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 6/10/2010
but I made one huge spoiler here – I gave Kagura a soul,
[She didn’t have one before? It’s never said that she doesn’t have one]
You belong to him now,"
[Belong _to_, or _with_? As Inuyasha has chosen human company, and even this early in the manga there was implication that Sesshoumaru had made the same choice for Rin, I think the latter is better fitting]
"I have an unfinished business
[“an” seems superfluous]
And don't seek me out if you want to stay alive,
[Given who he’s talking to (heck, it applies to at least 99 percent of humanity), saying “don’t do this” leads immediately to that person doing that. It’s like “Don’t look into my eyes!” in D B Sommer’s Avengers]
holding the Shilkon no Tama
the loss of her guardian was still hard to live over.
follow Naraku activities more closely
Of course, he tried to hide it as he always did with his emotions,
[If he’s slipping into anger, might Sesshoumaru instead of maintaining an impassive façade, instead make it look like he’s _reveling_ in the anger? He didn’t try to hide his fury when Naraku tried to have Rin killed, and he quite nearly went berserk when Moryoumaru insulted Kagura. The point is that, even before the latter event in manga, when Sesshoumaru did something, he did so with certainty, he didn’t really hide behind a mask of uncaring all the time]
But now it was clearly more to it
As if Sesshomaru had some very personal vendetta towards Naraku
[Trying to bully Sesshoumaru by kidnapping and murdering Rin wasn’t enough for a personal vendetta?]
"Ripped Naraku apart with his own fangs,"
[So what, isn’t that the natural way for an inu youkai in their natural form?]
"I don't care if I die. I've lived a long life already.
[Sounds a little bit like Sesshoumaru, but yet doesn’t sound like him]
Who heard about a youkai with feelings?
[The creator of Inuyasha, who showed it on every page of the Inuyasha manga…]
tell himself million of time
[millions of times]
Neither Rin and Kohaku nor Jaken didn't like
[Rin, Kohaku, and Jaken didn’t]
Still the wind made
that scent once mote,
[Odd, Kagura usually greets “yo”, not an extended-vowel “you”]
I was his reincarnation!
[No, she was his offshoot]
"Of course I want,
Before her soul was sliced with sword,
[Strange, Tenseiga is the sword that bridges the way to the world after, I’d think it would either be ineffective or harm a spirit already in the afterlife]
that the mountain themselves shook
which he cared near his heart
even her earrings remained.
[Issue: her earrings are part of her ensemble, not her body]
He put his hand about her left breast (any thought of decency
[Above? Below? Beside? On top of (which would be odd, as there is no discernable pulse there)?]
"Fifteen. She is almost a grown up woman already.
[In feudal Japan, that IS a grown woman]
"I take it as a 'no'," he said, proposing his arm for support.
[Or “arms”, given that Takahashi mysteriously gave it back to him around the end of the manga. No, I don’t think it makes any sense either]
weakened him considerable
is living with Inuyasha and his bitch.
[OOC: Sesshoumaru never spoke specifically disparagingly of Kagome. He did refer to her as Inuyasha’s woman once or twice, but never anything derogatory like Inuyasha used to]
The air is clean from his stinky smell
[Does not match Sesshoumaru’s speech patterns]
"I miss my ability to fly."
"Who told you can't fly?
[Are you seriously expecting us to believe that she wouldn’t have tried?]
not stupid to even
I be powerful enough
Does it mean he has feelings for me?'
[It’s pretty sure that Kagura knew he at the least liked her – that’s one of the reasons he repeatedly sought her out]
and more powers
exercising them with a school girl determination
[What is that? The traditionally praised school girl in Japan is meek and humble]
a huge tiger-looking youkai
[If it’s not a tiger, might some more clear description be apt?]
jumped out of the forest,
[How could it grab Kagura if they were flying through the air?]
she was still weak to move.
Her first clue was that he was not using Tenseiga, but fought with his bare hands.
[That wounds like an ordinary fight with Sesshoumaru – he only used Tenseiga in combat a couple times outside the Meidou arc]
Why didn't you just use Tenseiga, you moron?"
[Tenseiga didn’t keep the Meidou, and it’s not exactly useful in close quarters]
Sesshomaru can't want me to be his mate, right?'
[OOC: Kagome might have been this stupid, but Kagura is not]
by leaking her jaw
so obedient even
with fear to be severely punished.
[with fear of punishment]
Already answered that
[What is this? Incomplete narrative? Partial dialog? It doesn’t even have punctuation!]
The more they talked the less she wanted to leave.
[Really? The frustration would seem to indicate the opposite]
don't understand you are
swaying her hip
[Just one? Not both?]
leaking over Kagura's mating mark
[Is he breaking apart? I’m seeing people bursting into blood ala Elfen Lied. Lots of “leaking” there]
stop me later, bitch."
It is too times longer
I can't hold it
[What’s with the sudden paragraph break…mid dialog?]
"But he did bet with you,
[make a bet]
"So you did like Sesshomaru-same back then
[This shouldn’t be a “I only now realize it”, Rin explicitly said “don’t you like her? Kagura-sama is lonely too”]
She certainly didn't resemble the past attachment of Naraku,
[It’s “detachment” because she was separated from him, not literally connected, but either way she looked the same]
But you look exactly the same."
[See? They say the clothing makes the man, but clothing is only one small part of external appearance. If other things changed, like her jeweled accessories or a different hair style, then say so]
The general events are believable, but the specific actions and dialog does not strictly follow the canon characters. Numerous technical mistakes – misspelled words, namely – also detract from the story. The premise sounded interesting, but details derail.
| VisualKeiLover chapter 1 . 8/27/2009
awsome story! I loved it!
| Spinel Dragoon chapter 1 . 4/12/2009
funny i liked the part with the tornados very creative
| Angel-wing2 chapter 1 . 2/28/2009
Amazing! Great fic, thank you for writing this! :)
| ASpHIL chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
I like the tension between a couple that springs from one of them believing the other doesn't feel the same way. You have cleverly brought out many situations depicting this conflict without having to spoil the already expected outcome all the way to the end.
| saphira404 chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
I totally loved this story really well done! I can only hope that there will be a sequel...
| mediouzangushatia999 chapter 1 . 4/13/2008
that wuz way 2 long
| Ngoc Chau chapter 1 . 12/31/2007
This was great!
| Princess Emerald the 1st chapter 1 . 12/23/2007
"So who do you want first? A boy or a girl?"
A cute little boy just like Sesshy! Anyway you should write a sequel. I can't wait to read about Sesshoumaru's and Kagura's baby. Nice work again!