|Reviews for Drowned out rage|
| Michael737 chapter 3 . 7/13/2010
Believe me i really do like the story but did any one else notice that this shudnt be about camp gren lake, crystal lake, or even Jason. It would if this was the Friday the 13th in the movie section but we're in the television show category. The television show was from the 80's about to cousins trying to recover cursed objects for their uncle. I just thout you oughta know.
| Anna chapter 1 . 5/2/2010
Firstly, I don't understand where Friday the 13th fits into this, it ends unexpectedly and left me feeling rather flat. It just didn't go anywhere. Is this part of something? If so, what happened? I am a bit lost with this.
| D.S.B chapter 3 . 3/11/2010
Hello enthused author,
Just some thoughts.
1. Your opening is an attention getter. Striking language with a follow-up of casted stones relates well to the "sticks and stones will..." in such a way that we know the name calling is just as harmful to her as those missiles.
2. You set up the where very well. You almost don't have to tell us we're at Crystal Lake. But the when was a little confusing. The corn fed locals in the films, although very Dukes of Hazar-ish, did display some common sense. You might want to establish early why she is being attacked, and more by whom. My publisher always says "don't hide it. Reveal it."
3. I don't want to tell you this, because I am going to sound like an old man or a priest (I am closer to the first than the second) but foul language does not read very well on the page. Shit, I wish someone would have told me that years ago!
No, really. Too much of it is like having a really sweet slice of cake, too sweet. We don't mind that these people cuss, at all. It's rated M. It's a Jason story, for fuck sake! But you could go back and take out 1/3 of the cursing and you'd still pull off everything you want to. Jason is about blood and intestines and eyeballs and fingers and skulls and... you get it.
This is another of my publisher's notes. Too much cursing is like bad wine. We still drink it, because it is wine. But we won't be buying that bottle next year.
4. You totally lost me when the weregirl started talking to Jason. I did not mind it that it was under water, at all. We are dealing with the supernatural. I don't mind that they communicate, either. But they just came in contact. Sure, she can hear him. But Jason strikes first. Some of the character choices here did not follow what (in what is only my opinion, and you can take it with a grain of salt, because I could never publish again and you could be on the best sellers list tomorrow)I believed our favorite Voorhees character would do in this particular situation. I think he would try to kill her for several more seconds. Remember F13p2 when Jenny dons his mother's sweater and pretends to be her? He came lunging first. Then he gave in to stupidity. And then, seconds later, the gig was up.
When dealing with well known characters, you have to lay out five simple rules for each one. This is what I would have put (again, you could crap on this. It is just my opinion)
kills, hands down, no questions asked.
does not speak (a man whose thoughts are hidden from the beginning to now should never be revealed).
wears the Detroit Red Wings hockey mask of 1954, and somewhere down the line close to the end his face is revealed, and it is always different (why? dunno!)
loves his mother (awe!)
must go back in the lake at the end (or in a grave, I always liked the Lake.)
IN the third chapter, my first two main rules were broken. You When I found those rules violated, I felt an immediate prejudice against the story. This is not my Jason. Who is this imposter? Hrmph.
That is as far as I got. I will gladly read on, because despite my crabby complaints, I am intrigued to see what happens. Keep on killing, er, writing. CH CH CH...HH HH HH...
Cheers. Good writing and I hope this helps.
| 8yume chapter 7 . 9/26/2008
what a beautiful story!
| StaCee chapter 6 . 8/24/2008
... ok, without being harsh, when i read your fanfic i didnt know whether to laugh hysterically or to cry! the writing and idea of the story is fine, but it has nothing to do with Friday the 13th! jason has really talked, (even in his head) so its unlikely that he would suddenly open up to someone, even a "female undead" as you call her. he also never shows emotion (except in flash backs as a CHILD) so why would he he become all lovey dovey?
your story makes no sense in relation to Friday the 13th, so therefore you ripped off of the name Friday the 13th, and can therefore be sued for using the name under false pretences. have fun with your lawsuit!
| dyld921 chapter 1 . 7/10/2008
This story is in the wrong category. It's in the Friday the 13th movies section, not the Friday the 13th TV series.
| 8yume chapter 6 . 6/20/2008
aw they love eachother
| bullet chapter 5 . 6/4/2008
PLEASE update soon on this story. you are doing a great job and i really want to read more of it
| 8yume chapter 5 . 1/29/2008
my 14th reading it in counting and it gets better each time
| GrimlockX4 chapter 5 . 12/16/2007
So Jason and Joanna have a lot in common: They were both picked on for their deform faces, drowned in the same lake, and want revenge on those who have made their lives a living hell.
Good luck on chapter 4.
| GrimlockX4 chapter 4 . 11/28/2007
Totally revenge. Please update soon.
| demon92347 chapter 4 . 11/8/2007
I really enjoyed this story. I think its about time Jason had a companion of his own. Please continue the story.
| She-Elf4 chapter 4 . 9/9/2007
Jason is a bit out of character, but that's just artistic licence, I think. Kinda necesary for this story, which I like, by the way. And, it's spelled 'Anubis', not 'Anubus'. It's minor, though. I'm exited that someone else knows about him! That's totally AWSOME! The one major thing is you tend to run your sentences a little too long. It's something to watch out for. If you like, I can correct them for you. You've got a really good start.
| bunji the wolf chapter 4 . 8/21/2007
nice mini chapter yeah good work
| DroppingThisSiteToo chapter 3 . 7/24/2007
Thank God you updated! This is cool!