|Reviews for The Hearts Filthy Lessons|
| Kit Fisto chapter 5 . 10/21/2007
Once again, I really like it. Good characterisations (Xander and Andrew especially) and it's good that your fic follows the season 8 comics.
| Garret pi chapter 3 . 8/8/2007
I'll go along with most of the comments made in the prior review.
Joss (because he was still working on a failing Firefly) failed to take control of the show back properly after Marti Noxon pretty much ruined it with her Spike obsession... season 6 and season 7 Spike are horrific abberations. Spike has always been "nothing but a selfish, opportunistic, raping, massmurdering sociopath, soul or no soul!"
Amy & Warren, - Can't really comment there since we've not seen enough in the comics to make an educated guess as to why they're working together... But we DO know that they were spotted in the Collapsed sinkhole of Sunnydale when military units were investigating it. If you have decided to have them working together, that's cool, just make sure you have a good motivation, even if it's (because they're like minded on certain goals or just to have fun)
As to the Buffy and Xander stuff. I'm fine with it and disagree with the previous reviewer on the merits of them establishing some sort of relationship beyond being friends. Joss appeared to hint at him still being in love with her... but Joss is a SiT bitca and I'm pretty sure that the "cinnamon buns" comment and Satsu having cinnamon lip balm is going to come up at some point. He'll likely tease the B/X crowd for a bit and then crush their hopes (again) and have the japanese slayer chick have a Yen for Buffy. (sorry for the pun) Joss doesn't "get" that the fans fu**ing hate SiTs and keeps shoving them in our faces. Oh well... sorry for the rant there... but just had to mention it.
The thing is, the previous reviewer did touch on a matter of respect. And he is right. This is a key component of any relationship. Without respect, love fails.
You've established that Xander is able to get his "girls" (the slayers he works with) to work together, while Buffy can't. This is a good start for building some respect. In the comic Xander appears to be the thinker of the group as far as warfare goes. This can give you a handle on the situation. You need to really dig into their characters and give her a reason to see him as an equal if you're going that route... and not just have her see him as "puffy xander" or "hero speech xander" or "yellow crayon Xander" but to have her respect him without granting him powers. This is a tricky thing to do. I'd recommend reading some of the works of the following authors (google them and find their live journals) M. McGregor (I am what I am is an incredible epic), Bastardsnow (especially his 13 days fic and From here to Serenity), Nemo-gravis. All of these authors tend to present a Xander who is bereft of super powers, or has gained very minor powers if any. Take lessons from their work and don't despair.
One thing I will point out is that you drop words all over the place or insert words that don't belong there. You need to stop going that, it's very disruptive to the readers sense of suspension of disbelief.
For example, "wow, my life is going is exactly where I want it to right now."
That's in the very first sentence in your story.
it should read
"Wow! My life is going exactly where I want it to go right now."
Notice that in the first version you have "is going is"? Clearly this is an accident... but it's bad grammar and you clearly have the talent to do better. Don't be sloppy with your work.
I know... I know... you're probably thinking "My grammar doesn't have to be perfect to post on
Well, I hate to tell you this but "Yes, it does... unless you want to be known of as a writer of *"
There's a lot of crappy writers on Fanfiction dot net, but your don't want to be considered one of them. So, take the time, read your work CAREFULLY, or get a beta reader to help you catch that stuff.
Other that that... good on you. I'm glad to see someone picking up the story from season 8.
| steve chapter 3 . 8/7/2007
Gag me! Spike, a hero? Spike is nothing but a selfish, opportunistic, raping, massmurdering sociopath, soul or no soul! He never changed from evil to good he merely changed his object of obsession from Dru to Buffy! Amy & Warren, a villainous couple? Stupid & boring. I know Joss is using them in his virtual season 8 but as a concept, it bites. You have an interesting writing style. Please try it with a more worthwhile storyline. Also, please do not hook up Xander with Buffy. He deserves someone who can respect him & Buffy has proved that will never be her. Like him? Sure! Respect him? Never!
| RabidReject chapter 3 . 8/5/2007
Good stuff. I like this a lot. Can't wait for more.
P.S. You'll get more reviews if you allow them anonymously, since most readers don't create accounts.
| Kit Fisto chapter 1 . 7/6/2007
I like it. It's captures essence of the characters well and the narative has a definite cleverness to it. I like the way you came up with an explanation for Warren/First. It's more than what the actual writers have done :p