Reviews for Short of Death
Deluxe Sugar Quills chapter 1 . 3/15/2009
I thought that the story was very good. The idea was good aas well, but the pace of the story went very quickly and it was a little strange to read. But it was very interesting and a new twist in things.

Dramione Forever chapter 1 . 9/14/2008
I Loved It. Great Oneshot. Really well written. Well Done.
Fantasyfan4ever chapter 1 . 9/10/2008
Aw, this was so sweet! James is so lucky to have such awesome friends. Not including Wormtail of course... :P But he was civil, so I'll leave it at that.

This was really well-written. Characterization was excellent, and the drama was intense!
hondagirl chapter 1 . 9/8/2008
You really show the friendship between the boys quite well. And I never really thought about all the close calls they woud have during the war. So well done here.

TheWordFountain chapter 1 . 9/8/2008
Really great!

It just goes to show that Lily and James probably had a lot of close calls when they were fighting against Voldemort, and it really strengthened all the relationships everyone had. James and Lily's relationship was strengthened along with Sirius and James, and possibly even Sirius and Lily. That's what a story is supposed to do - show changes in relationships. :D

I loved it!
Gaby Black chapter 1 . 8/17/2008
That was nice, but there are quite a lot of mistakes; have you considered getting a beta reader? One simple way to improve your writing would be replacing every phrase like 'the dark-haired wizard' or 'his dark-haired friend' with the characters' names. There are also quite a lot of repetitions, like repeating that Lily was James's life, etc.

However, I liked Sirius's characterization, you did a good job out of it.

Keep on writing!

- Gaby
sweetysmart0505 chapter 1 . 5/16/2008
This is a little lengthy for me, but it was still an entertainment to read. Good job!
fauves chapter 1 . 4/17/2008
Aww this was amazing!

Anna Nigma chapter 1 . 2/27/2008
Aww, good old-fashioned Marauders fluff. I have a decided fondness for this group and this story definitely showed them in an appealing light. Plus you didn't Peter bash which, while occasionally funny, is sadly overused in MWPP fics. You also managed to put a character in a hospital without overdosing on the angst factor. Great job.

Bad Mum chapter 1 . 2/3/2008
Great story. I love the drama and the humour together, and I love how Sirius heals Lily but doesn't want James to know. The portrayal of the Marauders' friendship is very well done.
mackgirl chapter 1 . 2/2/2008
Oh man that was awesome. I think you betrayed the characters very well in this. great job
lyin chapter 1 . 9/11/2007
love your version of sirius- his 'dirty rotten-' reaction in worrying for james, shouting 'STAG!', transforming- you get the sense of him as loyal, capable, and still happy- almost adrenaline high after the worries turn out all right- also really like james' 'my' lily, and your remus- i'm never really keen on the torture bit, and lily seemed somewhat weak here, but i'll just attribute that to the situation :)- a nice first war piece, some errors- its that should be it's, etc., with out should be without- remus' last line of thoughts if ironic and sad, since the marauders' 'fellowship' is sort of broken, w/ suspicion and etc.- but this is a nice capture of their friendship in a difficult, but still happier-for-them time. nice job. :)
Cuban Sombrero Gal chapter 1 . 9/5/2007
“Common Pads we have to go!” James - I'm assuming you mean C'mon. :) Don't worry, mistakes are common.

Moony is still here somewhere Lily just told me! - You're missing some punctuation there, but nothing too major.

“I have to go back and help him! You have to let me go! He forced me to leave! That dirty rotten-” - Perfect Sirius characterisation, you've really managed to capture his irrational side, and the side that loves his friends above all else.

Right now it looks like if we do not find a cure with in the next three to four hours we will lose her. - That's horribly sad, a beautiful line, but horribly sad. And James' reaction afterwards is perfect :)

Sirius shook his head, “Fine. Bloody stubborn werewolf, you’ll be the death of me yet.” - Once again, perfect Sirius, his humour in such a serious situation is very him. :)

Lily was James’ life and if he knew Sirius had been the one who had healed her and not the healers then the dark-haired wizard would certainly have thanked Sirius until his ears bled. - Not what I was expecting, but still a gorgeous and original idea. Your charactersation is stunning in every sentence.

Despite the war and all the horrible things happening in it he knew nothing short of death could destroy their friendship and for that he was very glad. - That's horribly ironic. I like the way you've used it in your story, even if I didn't want reminders of their death.

Overall, this was a stunning fic. Characterisation is certainly something you do well.

RyanKathrynCelia chapter 1 . 9/5/2007
Hmm... the was a very enjoyable oneshot, original too.

Thanks for sharing!
SweetSouthernGal chapter 1 . 9/2/2007
The summary really doesn't refelct the story at all. From the summary we get the impression that it's about Remus and Lily, but it's really not. It's mostly LJ, but there's some SiriusJames friendship too. For a summary I'd try "After a rescue mission, Lily is found to be in bad shape- she seems to have only hours to live. James is heartbroken, can his friends help?" Or something like that. Always go for attention grabbers in summaries. Use a powerful wuote from the story, or ask a question about the plot that's answered in the story. THings like that drag the readers in. And as a suggestion, don't say that you're bad at summaries. For all the readers know, that means you're bad at writing stories too...It is a good story though, and I'm adding it to my oneshot C2.
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