|Reviews for Just a Mirror in Their Eyes|
| Cassandra30 chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
There was always more to Severus Snape.
| hA-UkA chapter 1 . 7/7/2008
| charmedgrl4ever chapter 1 . 11/6/2007
Hey, it's from fictionpress (on fanfiction I go by charmedgrl4ever, which I'm guessing is clear from this review :P). I'm mostly into Charmed (hence the penname) fanfics, but I read a few Harry Potters as well.
Honest opinion: I thought the written, finished product was OK; it wasn't spectacular, though. The idea behind it was amazing - the fact that Snape was only what others perceived him to be and no one in his own right. Two suggestions to turn this from good to great:
[a] Add more substance. This monotonous, line-after-line of the same format became quiet dull at a very early time. You need to add more to this - not just "when he... he had become..." Maybe give specific details about when they happened. The scene, his thoughts (or perhaps his lack of thoughts - his objectivity - to prove your point that he is no one besides what people see him to be), etc. Details are your friend!
[b] This is along the same lines as the first one and interconnects in a way, but: give more of a variety of your syntax. You constantly have the same type of sentence, like I mentioned before: "when he... he had become..."
If you end up redoing this, which I somehow doubt (when I get criticisms for my work, I appreciate it, thank whoever sent it, file it away for future reference, but rarely go back and correct it. I just keep the information to use for my next ficlet/oneshot/whatever you call it - mostly 'cuz there's no time, and I'm lazy), here are a couple of things I would keep:
1. The ending: "He was just who they saw. / Nothing more. / Nothing less." It was a very abrupt ending, which often fits perfectly with a oneshot. Keep that. :)
2. "It hurt to be no one." Again, simplistic, blunt - in short, excellent.
I hope this was helpful and wasn't taken as a flame (I'd never offer a flame, I promise)! Gute nacht, tomodachi (and thanks again for reviewing my poem on fictionpress).
| TheDeathChamber chapter 1 . 7/8/2007
| parseltonge girl chapter 1 . 7/6/2007
| justawritier chapter 1 . 7/6/2007
wow. Really good.