|Reviews for Secrets|
| 30-nights chapter 33 . 9/1/2010
i like the way Aryl thinks, passing out for a week sounds wonderful right now haha
you did great, like always! This is my favorite fic of yourssss *cough*wants Corbin to come in again *cough* D
anyways you mentioned updating more often... This better happen *Holds up fist* Got it? just kidding... or am i?
| Awesome Rapidash chapter 32 . 6/5/2010
Nice chapter! I really like the way you are handling the battle! It's quite suspenseful, wondering what and who will attack next.
What I do find interesting though, and mind you this isn't a bad thing is that the battle happening in the sky! I never thought of giving mermaids the ability to fly. It's certainly a unique idea for sure.
Aw, the battle will end next chapter? *Smiles* That's alright though, I'm sure the conflict isn't over yet!
Nice chapter, I'm defiantly looking forward to the next chapter! Hopefully when that happens, it won't take me a month to review!
| Yincira chapter 2 . 4/28/2010
This could be an interesting story, but so far I only have a two construction tips :
Lexia was 17. She had long blond hair, and blue eyes. Aryl, her roommate, was 17 as well, and she had black hair and dark brown eyes.
Don't drop descriptions randomly in the middle of a scene. There's really no point for it to be there, and is better worked into the narrative (for example, by using the point of view from character who newly met them, or like earlier in the chapter when Kiri's hair color is noted during an action associated with hair).
She walked over this time, having had enough of jogging for one day.
She walked into the hotel, and was greeted by the same blond girl from earlier; the idol princess.
"Hello, welcome to the Pearl Piari. Can I help you?"
That's two sentences in row that start in the exact same way, and the second sentence is a double for the third, first stating that she was greeted while the third shows that she is greeted. The second could be replaced with something like this :
As she entered the hotel, she was approached by the blond girl from earlier; the idol princess.
to make it flow better.
| To lazy to log in chapter 32 . 4/28/2010
HAHAHAHA I LOVED how she reacted to light bitch! and yay for updating! once you're done with finals i hope you update this more often.
| Eriyu chapter 32 . 4/26/2010
Oh, hey! I think this chapter made you hit 60,0 words! Congratulations! :)
Very very awesome. I'm serious when I say I'm amazed at how you can do so many characters at once. And it's not that weird, I guess... but I like how Jeredeau actually responds to "light-bitch." XD
So, I'm glad Kiri et al. are okay now. I definitely appreciate the explanation for why Jeredeau is overpowering everyone else; it makes good sense. I also also wishes to see Aqua; is exciting! And on a side note, even though I know Jeredeau is light, I can't stop picturing her as looking like Jhudora. x_x
Thank you very much for the update; you deserve millions and millions of reviews! *hugs*
| adventurouslyfustrated chapter 31 . 4/25/2010
please updadte i'm freaking out to read the next chapter
| Awesome Rapidash chapter 31 . 1/17/2010
Wow, lot's of action in this chapter! Jeredeau is certainly a formidable opponent and the mermaids have their hands full! I liked the way you handled the battle, I could easily imagine things happening in my mind as I read!
Then you leave us with a cliffhanger! Nice! I can't wait to read the next chapter and see what will happen next. Keep up the good work!
| 30-nights chapter 31 . 1/4/2010
(too lazy to log in) heh anyways. great chapter! really action packed! and i loved your ending line. though it was a cliff hanger (but an awesome one!)
| Eriyu chapter 31 . 1/4/2010
Ooooooh! Such an epic end! I wishes to see this battle of elements! I do appreciate it when you do real battles, you know. _ It's a little hard to follow 'cause there's so many characters (but what else is new for this story *cough*), but I really like it!
Aii, Kiri et cetera! :( That maked me saddish worrying.
So, Orfio has the whole wide-open sky to fly in and he decides to hit Lexia? XD It is, actually, very coincidental that everyone runs into each other so nicely.
| Awesome Rapidash chapter 30 . 9/12/2009
Nice set up for the upcoming battle! It's going to get explosive in the next chapter that's for sure!
I thought Katiya was fine!
I'm really looking forward to the next chapter and the battle!
| Eriyu chapter 30 . 9/11/2009
Holy crap! They came out of nowhere! But they seem awesome! I love them! I want to draw Katiya and/or Anayis now. _ (No promises, though.)
Thank you for updating, as always! _ I liked the last... like... two-fifths of the chapter particularly.
Wow, Kiri, though! I wish to know what happens!
| Awesome Rapidash chapter 29 . 7/22/2009
It sounds to me like things are just about in place for some real action! I can't wait to see what is in store for them in the next chapter!
P.S. See you tomorrow evening! Around 9 eastern, right? That's 8 central no problem. Sounds like it will be fun!
| Eriyu chapter 29 . 7/20/2009
Aw... The beginning made me sad... It's really good, though. I like quiet scenes like that in the middle of everything.
I really do love Ilywd, too. _ Edur keeps climbing higher on my favorites list, too.
That's crazy, they're getting so close to fighting! o_o Wow. It didn't really feel like it till now... Sounds a little like they feel like same, too. :P
You know, contrary to what I may sound like sometimes, I do really, really like this story too. Just wanted to make sure you know that. ;;
| Awesome Rapidash chapter 28 . 5/24/2009
That was a good chapter! I'm sorry that it took me so long to finally get around to reading and reviewing it.
You do such a good job of keeping multiple plot lines moving in a cohesive and entertaining way. I always find myself wondering what will happen next! It's like you create little mini cliffhangers. _
I did notice a few very minor spelling errors, but nothing that stood out or that caused a problem reading.
As for suggestions, right at the moment I don't really have any. But if I do, I will certainly send them your way!
| Eriyu chapter 28 . 5/11/2009
Aw, you write Seira so cute! And I can actually appreciate it now.
Heehee, I can imagine Orfio's fun to write; he's certainly fun to read. "Water babe" seems perfect. Only it's weird to think of him as a sort-of "dad" saying that. XD
EdurMiri's really cute, too. _
Reader involvement? Um... Except for you talking about it to me, not sure. Sorry!