|Reviews for Life Changing Moments|
| DBZlover chapter 60 . 4/6
| Sabaku no Zak chapter 8 . 3/15
I've always wanted to know Piccolo's thought process when he chucked a toddler at a mountain lol
| Sabaku no Zak chapter 4 . 3/15
3 love it so far
| Sabaku no Zak chapter 1 . 3/15
looking forward to reading this
| Legendary Biologist chapter 1 . 1/10
Hi, Fee! I'm familiar with DBZ, so I'll just review this one.
Firstly, the summary needs a little tweaking to make it shine. The concept is great, but if you improve the summary, it can pull in more readers. My suggestion:
Early in Gohan's life, his parents died, leaving him to be adopted by his parents' best friend Bulma Briefs. Follow Gohan's life as he is bought up as a Briefs.
As a prologue, you can benefit from using paragraphs than just a wall of text. Correcting the stringy sentences and splitting into several paragraphs can improve the overall prologue. For example:
What had made her so concerned was that he didn't try to escape to martial arts training during shopping, though that could have been from the threat of getting hit by the frying pan and no food for a month, also Goku didn't beg for food the whole time and when they actually had lunch Goku only had 5 bowls of rice and anyone who knows Goku would be concerned about that.
You can split this into another paragraph and a few sentences to make it more effective (just an example):
What had made her so concerned was that he didn't try to escape to martial arts training during shopping, though that could have been from the threat of getting hit by the frying pan and no food for a month.
Goku didn't beg for food the whole time though. When they actually had lunch, Goku only had five bowls of rice. Anyone who knew Goku would be concerned about that.
And another note about numbers: Numbers aren't usually written in numbers unless they aren't determining amount of something. They're usually spelled out, such as '5 bowls' is 'five bowls'. And 2 month old is usually written 'two-month-old'.
I like the concept of Goku dying. That's an interesting start. Now, I'm left wondering how Gohan will continue living (as stated by the summary, he'll be raised by the Briefs). :) Also, although it's more of 'telling', I really like that you still include Chi-Chi's temper from how he treats Goku hehe.
| E-K chapter 12 . 10/23/2014
| Guest chapter 61 . 10/21/2014
I FUCKING LOVE THIS
| Guest chapter 19 . 10/21/2014
So did gohan go super saiyan!?
| Itachi's aprentice chapter 61 . 10/21/2014
Great work. One of the best stories I ever read. can't wait to see more of your work.
| Dyton chapter 61 . 10/20/2014
An awesome epilogue. Seven years *whistle* that's a long time. It must be hard to finally see this story come to a final end. I really liked this story and I'm glad you took the time to write it. I hope to see more from you soon.
It was an interesting premise, and one that although I see often, rarely is it ever complete; at least completed well. It was nice to see some closure on the stories loose ends.
Keep it up. :)
| Dyton chapter 60 . 10/18/2014
It is nice to see Gohan and Videl living their lives as a married couple and I liked their wedding scene. Yes it was a little rushed, but I can see why that is happening.
I'm not going to lie. It took a couple of minutes to finally remember why Sharpner and Gohan were step-brothers.
I'll see you in the next chapter.
| TheLoyalMutation chapter 2 . 10/18/2014
I found a few mess ups on your part in chaper two. Oolong wasn't around when goku did that. And there was an actual episode that was a flashback to gohan being named. It was "memories of gohan" i believe and it was in the cell saga. Chichi wanted to name him Einstein and other names of famous scientists. Ox-king wanted to name him anything with ox in it, and then chichi yelled at goku about how gohan had not taught goku any manners,and everytime they said gohan, he would giggle, so they realized he liked that name and called him gohan
| HellsMaji chapter 11 . 10/15/2014
Uh... Bulma is supposed to be a fashionista, so why would you have her make Gohan get that gay ass bowl haircut? And why the hell didn't he speak up and say he didn't want it? Did being back in civilization after a year turn him back into a pussy?
| Guest chapter 2 . 10/7/2014
Haha, saiyans die so easily?... Too bad Goan can't be named after an underwear now.
| Dyton chapter 59 . 9/12/2014
Aw what a nice scene. A little rushed in the proposing, but not entirely unbelievable. Can't wait to see what you do next. It seems this story is in it's final chapters. I also saw that you are already doing a nod to a 'maybe' future work of yours. Keep it up.
Also I really do hope Angel and Demons gets chosen.