Reviews for Tiberium Wars
Ghost chapter 6 . 1/31/2008
Love this story, I really like the whole "history" of the Tiberium conflict. I'm rooting for GDI over Nod!
Dr. Mancusio chapter 6 . 1/31/2008
Refusing to log in because it's late where I am and I'm lazy.

Still, a great read as always. I can mention that I wasn't certain whether or not those GDI reinforcements who flanked Rawne came from the flown-in units or not, but that's the only pick I have with it: everything else was a respectable opening: frantic and laden with "OSHI!" moments from the suffering soldiers and Commanders. Of course, we both know that the tutorial is, plot-wise, obliged to be the 'quiet moment' of any game, even in tension: I'll be hugely impressed if you break beyond that (though I do believe everyone else is waiting for the commando Lt. Fullerton's stand against the Scrin in Stuttfield when the Scrin come.)

On a side note, I'm interested to see how you'll handle the other characters in the game: while everyone takes love for Kane as a given, I felt rather fond of the other groups like Granger, who actually gave more meaning to GDI than just "the good guys", and even Ajay who gave that sense of comraderie; I'd go into it further but I've other things I'd like to mention.

Also, some good news and some other news which might be bad: the good news being that there's a new C&C game in development in case you haven't heard - Tiberium being the present name - and it sounds incredible right now: a First Person Tactical. Think Renegade, only with more than just a C&C skin and with *actual strategy* present: you get your army to command in a way that resembles both C&C and Republic Commando in equal measure, and it's set at the moment the Scrin begin to unleash their invasion.

The "bad" news? Vega's the protagonist. BUT a Commando. Though already I see differences between how the developers wanted to portray him, and how DeCandido ended up doing: subtle at the moment, but still nice all the same.

Anywho, I'm still eagerly awaiting the next chapter, but I've no problem waiting. Keep going, Pep.
Chief Ratchet chapter 6 . 1/24/2008
Great chapter!

Nothing really worth picking over, it was that good of a job. You still describe things fantastically, and I have nothing left to say. Can't wait for the introduction of the Mammoth Tanks! By the way, how are you going to do the single commando missions? Are they going to follow the Commando around, or just sit back somewhere issuing orders?

Update soon!
Akatsuki Leader13 chapter 5 . 1/7/2008
this great story. I agree with you on the CNC 3 novel the only good thing he did was bring McNeil back. hey when you had the one guy say "like Stalin or Romanov" were you referencing the Red Alert series?
Panzerfaust26 chapter 1 . 12/25/2007
Thank you SO much for taking the time to write this. Like you I was utterly disappointed by the CNC3 novel; the fight with the Scrin near the end was just painful to read. I was extreamly disappointed with the lack of Nod content too.

Your story is awesome; the way you describe the battles is amazing. Ill be very excited to see the Stealth Tanks raze the battlefield in your next chapter...
Master Hybris chapter 6 . 12/11/2007
You sir have crowned your self as one of the CNC writers on FFN. The way you describe the battles are like the game and then some. I hope you post more soon but keep the quality up at all costs.

I also hope that Havoc plays a really major role in the story.
Obssesed Nuker chapter 6 . 12/8/2007
Hey there. The stories great, keep writing it, I just have a question.

I have noticed that you make mentions too both of the Red Alert games in chapters IV and V (with the mentioning of the Allies and Soviets, as well as Stalin and Romanov). Do you subscribe to the theory that both Red Alert games take place in the same Universe as Tiberium?

I personnally subscribe to a theory that Red Alert 1 takes place in the same Universes as Red Alert 2 and Tiberium [i]but not both at the same time[/i]... if that doesnt make sense, Ill explain it some more in another review.

I am not trying to start an arguement and am just being curious.
cncgamefan chapter 6 . 12/6/2007
*squeals in joy* I can't wait for the Pentagon siege
Ganheim chapter 6 . 11/29/2007
Prologue

transmitted the data directly to his retinas via laser otherwise.

[Punctuation: retina’s, I assume based on the description of only one of his eyes being fake.]

and I began to smolder with nerd rage!

[All hail the righteous fury of the nerds.]

I'm using a bit of inspiration from another sci-fi setting with religious, military fanatics with an irrational degree of devotion to a messiah figure.

[The number of sci-fi stories that could match reach innumerable. I’m curious, what’s your primary inspiration then?]

Chapter One: Heavy Calm

so close to Tiberium that is was their very lives,

[that _it_ was their very lives]

its got to be better than sentry duty.”

[Punctuation: it’s]

Understand.” A chorus of acknowledgements

[Given that the last word is an inquisition, it should be closed by a question mark instead of period.]

“Maps have been distributed to you personal pads,”

[to _your_ personal pads]

shaking everything tat wasn’t properly secured.

[Spelling: that]

His accent spoke of a New jersey upbringing,

[Capitalization: New Jersey]

the M-16 Mark II was the weapon of choice for both GDI and Nod in the Second Tiberium War,

[I would find that a little odd, as the M-16 was more expensive than many variants of the AK-47 and required more maintenance, making it more expensive to keep.]

which was but on e of many weapons

[Spacing: but _one_ of many]

Chapter II: Reconnoiter

From the visual feed, looks like indig militia, but those Mark II rifles make them as either Nod

[If M16 Mk2 rifles were so common, wouldn’t they also be frequent in local militias, which are typically self-financed and therefore often go for the cheapest equipment that gets the job done?]

That thing was going to kill him anyway, Havers thought off-handed

[First: I think ‘off-handedly’ is meant. Second: the simple dark humour of that phrase brought out a chuckle. Great way to break up the tension of the chapter without ruining the dramatic energy.]

the drilled movements that had been hammered into him in battle school surging up, seizing his muscles as his cognitive brain was still trying to catch up.

[True to military form. I liked the manner that you expressed it here.]

One of the militants stood stock still,a nd then

[Spacing: still, and]

Chapter I: Opening Volley

Wallace raised his left hand, blessing whatever GDI engineer had chosen to give the Zone Trooper armor a full set of fingers as he sent the fleeing Noddies a single-digit salute.

[I haven’t seen any other attempts to novelize Tiberium Wars, but I have no doubt that – in the local vernacular of my current Unit – “They aren’t shit to yours.” You ought to submit to have this published, and though it’s going to be a while until it’s finished, I’m already certain it’s going to take a spot in my favourites list.]

clad in gear that seemed to be a second skin and wielding silenced rifled,

[wielding silenced _rifles_]

and ion cannon Twenty seven began to rotate,

[If you’re going to capitalize one word of this specific ion cannon’s name, might as well capitalize all of them – at least the ‘seven’, if not ‘ion canon’ also, both of which would make sense. If not, then shifting ‘Twenty’ to lower-case would be called for.]

Actions: Returning to standby until evidence that Ichor concentration is sufficiently high enough to support Threshold Assembly and harvesting operations.

[This report from what I’m assuming is a Scrin probe was short, simple, cold, and eerie.]

In this story, I'm going to try to illustrate real warfare: high tech, chaotic, violent, brutal, desperate, and all-encompassing. Think Black Hawk Down, but on a global scale.

[For most authors, I would say “You’re insane” to take on such a daunting task. _I’m_ intimidated by such a project, but you’re pulling it off fabulously.]

Chapter IV: The Wrath of Kane

As usual, he red-haired woman wasted no time.

[_the_ red-haired woman]

“With the eradication of Tiberium is now viewed as a more pressing concern,

[I believe that the ‘is’ is superfluous.]

such as the Wolverine evolving into the Zone Trooper armor - the implementation of walkers as effective frontline war machines is currently not feasible.

[I found this interesting, because I always personally thought that all signs indicated that the Zone Trooper did not ‘scale down’ from the Wolverine so much as ‘grow up’ from the Jumpjet Troopers.]

Not to mention the stupidity of having to destroy anything affected by Tiberium when GDI has sonic emitters that can destroy Tiberium at its specific resonance frequency - apparently no one in GDI thought to use these wonderful sonic emitters in hospitals or to decontaminate material that may have been infected by Tiberium.

[Although this may be able to clean out large contanimants, if it was this easy to destroy Tiberium, I don’t think that the yellow or red zones would be nearly so much of a problem – all GDI would have to do is roll up a pack of sonic trucks and blast the area until all the Tiberium magically disintegrated. I think that using sonics would only damage and shatter Tiberium on a macroscopic level, not destroy it down to the microscopic level that it’s a true danger of.]

Act I

Chapter V: Hell March

but most of those hit in the opening barrage were beyond help.

[Given that earlier in the sentence you use ‘barrage’, a synonym might fit better here. ‘Volley’ seems to be the best I can think of.]

"Christ, its like the First Tiberium War,"

[Punctuation: it’s]

targeting data spilled across his monitor,

[Capitalization: Targeting]

and instead used the mounted iron sights on the side of the weapons.

[Although I’ve noticed it before, I’ll say here (again) that I’m impressed that you’re using proper terminology – many people don’t know what ‘iron sights’ are, but you use the descriptor here fluidly.]

He ducked behind cover, fumbling for a fresh magazine, a chunk of masonry flying past as a round impacted nearby.

[I found this such a simple yet true depiction of an intense firefight. Your blend of “everything going on” to isolating on a single, simple event is nothing short of amazing, and if you don’t write professionally you should. Maybe you should present this once you finish it.]

gunfire slashed up the stairwell at them,a nd the

[Typo: them, and]

screaming dogmatic ephitets at the GDI soldiers.

[Typo: epithets]

The scarab-like vehicle spotted them s they took cover,

[Typo: as]

I personally feel that each Command and Conquer game is centered on GDI and Nod, with other tertiary elements showing up in each part of the series to show more of the universe;

[I would agree, but I would also point out that each of these tertiary elements with the exception of CABAL (who mysteriously disappears) remained. Tiberium was assimilated as an underlying element, and the Forgotten were a small force that I think was originally planned to be a “third side” but time constraints forced them to be cut. Thinking of them as a third side better explains how their presence was diminished in Firestorm, besides the fact that something more important (CABAL) seized everybody’s attention – because of CABAL, we may have merely not heard of them. I was a little disappointed by the disappearance of them (I at least hoped that they’d be mentioned), but it pretty much stops at there. More important than their previous important role is the fact that the story progresses…new nemesis rise and new developments demand the spotlight. Given this, I still think at least mention and remembering elements like the Forgotten is worthwhile, though I agree with you that they don’t deserve a place in the spotlight when a little thing like a World War is happening.]

CNC is built on corny, over-the-top dialogue and language.

[I would have to disagree, though Renegade certainly shows that the C&C world has plenty of room for corny. I think the Nod ending in Tiberian Sun reinforces that.]

Or, say, in this story. :P

[I’m definitely looking forward to it.]

It’s not often that one finds a great story in C&C, but a story of this quality is a rare find _period_ and one of the finest I’ve read. I'm glad to see that your writing is as powerful and immaculate as ever, whether you're writing a Tiberian fanfic or retelling Link's sword-slashing adventures.

God bless and happy writing,

Ganheim
Sudentor chapter 5 . 11/7/2007
Chapter Five is "Wrath of Kane"; I wonder if you do realize the expansion pack of Tiberium Wars is "Kane's Wrath". XD

That said, let's get down to business.

First off, I've yet to play Tiberium Wars, nor have I read the novelization, although I seriously do know where you're going with the rant; inaccurate novelizations tend to piss people off. For the most part, though, your scenes are reasonably accurate, quite detailed, and a pleasure to read, which I find to be a delight. I really enjoyed how you made Kane's speech segmented as the entire world, focused on different people, watched with stunned reactions. There's a very "movie" feel to it as the narrative jumped from character to character through the course of the single (albeit short) speech, and I actually appreciated that.

I also like your portrayal of Nod forces. While most fanfiction dismiss Nod as mere terrorist forces, I was quite pleased to see the short-lived argument between Ajay and Jose in Chapter Four; I was impressed with your portrayal of a sympathetic Nod officer (Jose), who petitioned to bring the Ion Cannon uplink offline to save a large number of Nod soldiers, instead of merely treating them as expendable chess pieces. I think that, to me, really stood out, because I moreorless enjoy reading about "villains" who are not quite villains; hey, who said a bad guy can't be "nice"?

I'll be reading Chapter Six later. Keep it up.
eliteElite chapter 6 . 10/29/2007
Haha! Havoc, that's awesome!
Gunblade Fanatic chapter 6 . 10/28/2007
Excellent chapter, most inspiring. I just note that, when reading the chapter, it seemes like Nod infantry isn't as technically defecient as the game's 'secret files' make them out to be. In any case, your discourse on stealth tanks was most interesting. It will be interesting to see how you use them. :D
General Aurum chapter 6 . 10/26/2007
Ah, another great chapter. I especially like the title. About the only thing I can complain about is the lack of novel-bashing in the author's commentary. Oh well, there's always next time.

What was particularly fascinating to me was your little scientific excerpt after the chapter's conclusion. Your explanation links the two forms of Tiberium perfectly. What I especially like is the fact that you make Tiberium's mutagenic properties into a defense mechanism. This makes perfect sense from a biological standpoint, as any organism introduced into a new environment will have to adapt to survive. By portraying Tiberium as a viral substance, using Earth's own ecosystems to survive and establish itself, you add a more malevolent edge to an already evil substance. I like it very much.

As for anything to critique... There were a few typos, and that's about it.

"Until next chapter..." I'll be watching with rapt anticipation. Here's to hoping that Havoc will blow up some Avatars!
FAT DUDE chapter 6 . 10/26/2007
once again, you have made the tiberian world more alive. (povs, and stratigectly) wow, and please if u can make it faster
TD Master chapter 6 . 10/26/2007
The Stealth Tank is realistic in game? Huh? We decloak, we start firing, and remain there sitting and firing without regard to what happens - including getting blown to pieces? The thing about the Stealth Tank, is that is fast and maneuverable and thus has light, to hardly any armor; it's a hit and run tank. One good hit of even lesser weapons kills it. You can't remain stationary. Oh, sure, the first barrage will kill some vehicles and people in a squadron, but after that it's a sitting duck. A tank like that would have to fire, recloak, move, and decloak again somewhere else to fire - especially with stealth detection everywhere - thus making sure the targets will never know where the next barrage comes from. The amount of missiles it can fire at once, all depends on how many missile launchers it has, and whether or not they can each target a different target.

And the Tiberium... the new Tiberium has no minerals in it anymore according to the game. It's nothing but a self-replicating proton lattice, it's just protons, and more protons, and more protons, that brings nothing up... but protons. And smashes other atoms, like those precious minerals you don't want smashed, to pieces to make more of itself. Apart from possibly energy production, it's a useless piece of junk. But since this substance has so much energy production you would need but a little, and everything more is useless. You would have to go back to mining veins of useful materials the old fashioned way again.

Also, the older forms, the plant-life, is useless. It does not increase spreading of Tiberium at all, it limits it. This new form simply smashes atoms to pieces and encapsulates and transmutes everything to more of the proton lattice. In short; once landed, it would start a horrific spreading from it's point of origin outward, consuming everything it comes across, unhindered by whether it's solid or liquid (as in oceans) whether it's warm or cold (as the old Tiberium couldn't handle cold very well), whether there's enough nutrients to grow the plant parts, it would consume everything without stopping and probably be covering the whole planet by the time of 2047 already. The plant-life mutations "to spread it" are useless and only slowed Tiberium down. It makes no sense.

On top of that, instead of having an incredibly complex, unique, and interesting substance (one piece of which was ripped off by other RTS games) C&C now has a generic, standard, boring RTS crystal crushing it's own uniqueness and interesting concept, to rip off what other RTS games ripped off from them. It's hilarious when you think about it.

Good chapter though.
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