|Reviews for It Shouldn't have happend|
| Your-truthful-lies chapter 1 . 7/15/2010
Good story! I love it! But you had alot of grammar mistakes, you should get a beta! Lile for cereal (inside joke between me and my best friend, means "but seriously") it was a good story! I cant wait to see wahat happens so please hurry up and write! WRITE LIKE YOUVE NEVER WRITTEN BEFORE! ACT LIKE SPEEDY GONZALEZ!... please?
| DreamIdol chapter 1 . 11/8/2009
lol way to go Rachel for showing the Emperor of the Night ;D if you really want a glimps of how Ren would be behind closed doors with Kyoko check out "Playing with fire"
| Nehneh chapter 1 . 7/27/2009
There is a function called f7. It even works for word pad. Lazy writers makes lazy story.
| Johonna Marie chapter 1 . 6/8/2009
i like it, it looks like this one could rock! ren and kyoko already together! ha thats good,!
| purropolisprincess chapter 1 . 5/23/2008
omg this is so funny! lol
| breenarose chapter 1 . 8/3/2007
Kyoko and Ren are like so hott together!
| Nami Nami chapter 1 . 8/2/2007
i liked it~
| Seyyan chapter 1 . 7/22/2007
woah! too many question marks and exclamation points...(shivers and faints)
| quietgurl chapter 1 . 7/18/2007
ren is a horny perv
i just love the story
for the three gay guys their names should be Miley,Joesy,and Michell
| call me Milo chapter 1 . 7/13/2007
hehe pervert hehe
| demon sloth chapter 1 . 7/13/2007
Hey there You asked for me to review so here it goes *deep breath*
First of all I like that you have branched out into a side pairing instead of just focusing solely on the main.
I also like your portrayal of Ren. (heh heh heh pervert Ren *giggle*)
In total the premise for the story is interesting and I can't wait to see what happens - where you broke it off leaves the reader wondering what is going to happen between the couples!
I know you said that you don't have a spell check or grammer check on your computer and I'm not berating you for it - what you could do (and this is just a suggestion mind you) is print out your work or send it to someone by email or invite a friend over and get them to read over your story - many of my friends and I do this to point out mistakes that the other has made and missed as it is extremely difficult to spot mistakes in your own work (your brain knows what the words are supposed to be and so doesn't register the mistakes.)
You could also just leave the fic for a couple of hours - take the time to clear your mind - then come back to look at your work again. I know people who do this five or six times before they even start to think about putting up their work.
Also, don't worry about someone putting up another fic that is exactly the same as yours - your own personal experiences and writing style will be all that is needed to differentiate between the two if that ever occurs - so take your time and relax. If you're not stressed about posting up the story before anyone else has the idea I can guarantee that you will be able to pick up on things that you missed the first time!
The only thing is that the overuse of exclamation and question marks at times can be a little distracting - though they do emphasise the point that the characters are making. Really it's two sides of the same coin so it's up to you whether you feel the story needs them or not.
You could also try spacing out the large paragraphs into smaller chunks of text and having speech seperate from the descrition.
This isn't a criticism as this type of layout is what you should aim for if you're writing novels or articles - I just think that your avid readers would benefit from having to read smaller chunks of text in one go. (Remember - you have to go easy on us!)
Oh gosh...this review just turned into an essay! I'm sorry! I hope you don't take any of the points that I've said as criticism against you and your work. They weren't supposed to be! Forgive me if I offended you in any way!
Ahh...if you're still reading this then 'Well Done!' I do like your story and I can't wait to find out what happens next!
(P.S. Please feel free to ignore any or all of the suggestions that I have made)