|Reviews for Being A Concubine To Master|
| Bladidi Philange chapter 29 . 11/1/2013
Nothing is constant in your story. I mean, does Koori hate her Master, does she love him or what, exactly? If she's feeling some kind of turmoil for him because he's ultimately the only source of interaction she ever gets and it's kind of a brainwashing Stockholder's Syndrome going on here then you need to say so and you need to make it CLEAR, because this loopty-loop is getting old and you need to pick a theme already!
Also, what the hell? I mean Zhao basically beats the shit out of her and then Koori's thinking to herself that she wants him to die and she's going to betray him but she's going to stay loyal to him and protect him and have his baby all at the same time? That doesn't make any sense!
And what's with Iroh? He just let Koori take the fall with the whole burn incident. You make him sound like a dumb coward! Iroh's a brilliant strategist and general, for crying out loud! He could have easily broken up that fight between Zuko and the other soldier without getting in any trouble at all and Koori wouldn't have gotten into any shit with Zhao.
Maybe you're chapter would've turned out better if you'd spent less time watching Family Guy and more time into your writing. Honestly your story isn't even worth this headache. There are other more developed and more thought-out stories that deserve my attention than this. So this will be the last of your chapters I'll waste time trying to understand.
| Doodlebug QT chapter 15 . 10/28/2013
You have potential.
You're story is good, but in all honesty it's a bit unnecessary to break after each thought. Did you consider trying to not start each sentence with a pronoun? Sometimes you can even start it with a verb, or an adjective, or if you're really ambitious you might dare to start it with a conjunction. Although, those should be rarely used and only when putting emphasis on a declaration. Also, there's no need to detail each action with a sentence of it's own.
Rather than saying, "Zhao opened the door and she walked into the room. Zhao shut the door and locked it." You could have tried, "Zhao opened the door for her and she walked in, following behind and locking it with a click."
Other than you're grammar, I find you're story interesting and will continue to read.
| Guest chapter 27 . 5/5/2013
You're dragging this part of the sfory too long
| NeonsLover chapter 43 . 10/24/2012
its amazing please update soon 3
| MelloYellow16 chapter 22 . 8/23/2012
your a great writer dont cut yourself short. The story, the plot, your writing it all amazing
| RandomCitizen chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
Hm, I can see Zhao as the type to do a little fire exhale while doin' the dirty and other fire benders might to, yah. '-'
| History of Madness chapter 1 . 12/17/2011
this is actually reviewing the whole series...it's really good , i love it! couldn't stop reading it, though i noticed Koori is a bit of a ...mary-sue, especially in chap.30 when she beats all 5 soldiers without breaking a sweat. honestly her bit of a mary-sueness is what annoyed me a bit,but other than that, the story is marvelous!
| xXFrozenMistsXx chapter 15 . 11/15/2011
O.O poor koori :(
i know where you can get the episodes if you like to me to send you the address :)
| Art of the Artichoke chapter 1 . 8/13/2011
The spelling and grammar police called!
"The seventeen-year-old woman named Koori continued her running, even after smelling the burn wood behind her. " - I would go with burnt or burning
"She pulls back as he tightened his grip and threw her to the ground." - pulls should be pulled
"'What a waist to burn such pretty skin…" her Master tatted.'" - waste
"with such hast and perfection " -haste
Anyhow, Zhao needs more love (in terms of being in stories...), and it seems quite interesting so far. Good job :)
For some odd reason, I want a pancake now.
| Subsonic chapter 43 . 6/13/2011
Confused, why was Koori healing a waterbender woman? They weren't even allowed to fight (North Pole Customs), except is turning slowly into a sue, I would fix that if I were you.
| Subsonic chapter 38 . 6/13/2011
It's okay I guess. Koori has become a bit of a sue in my opinion. Things are just a bit too convenient for her.
| 97chuckles chapter 43 . 3/20/2011
this is amazing i cried when leo died! :'( please continue this
| Kye SmileyFace chapter 43 . 3/7/2011
This fic can be described in so many words,it was simply breathtaking in that sadistic/sexy/rutheless kind of way. You did a good job for a 14(am I correct?) year old.
I like the way you developed your characters, namely Zhao with his bad master/sometimes nice master, as well as Koori, not many people can introduce a new character and have a spectacular fic, but I feel like this character was much more suited for this role than any other girl from ATLA.
Long review short, I loved this. You have a great way with words and I sincerely hope you go to even greater heights in your writing.
Keep up the awesome work
| libblyloo chapter 43 . 1/13/2011
| kjaie chapter 16 . 11/1/2010
i am not weired i just like your story i shound so fuked for saying it but good job