|Reviews for A Shadowed Soul|
| The Statue chapter 4 . 1/22/2008
"any debt he felt he owed to the Order, which admittedly was much as he had helped..."
In context of the passage, it seems as though there is a "not" missing in front of the word "much"; is that just a typo, or am I miss-reading text?
| The Statue chapter 11 . 1/22/2008
I guess my one quibble in this story is I feel the harshest profanity used interrupts the flow of the story somewhat. However, I freely admit my severe distaste for that word, however, could be the reason I find it so very jarring.
I also like how you appear to have a dark/powerful Harry story that isn't full of graphic sex-proving you can attract readers on the basis of sheer written talent-such a phenomenon is hard to find in the dark!Harry realm.
You get props for an interesting, innovative story. It vaguely reminds me of 2 other stories in flavor (and I mean this as a compliment): "Anarkia" and "No Need for Salvation". However, this story is definitely your own and with some truly intriguing twists-I rather liked Harry's interactions in the first few chapters, and the fact he's not a super!Harry; powerful, yes, but with weaknesses like any other.
My final compliment would be in how you made your story flow well enough that the use of an alternate name for Hairy didn't even phase me. I've found only one or two other stories for which that is the case; all others were major turn-offs for me, because it felt like the author was slapping a premade character into the HP world; this feels like a (reasonably) plausible dark!Harry story. Plus I like the fact he has morals.
| Sociopathic-Antichrist chapter 11 . 1/21/2008
Oh man I can't wait to see Ron get flattened by Kai :D
Definitely a fascinating and intriguing story, quite in-depth.
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 11 . 1/21/2008
OK, I've finished reading what you have written. Nice to see that this is a Git!Ron story. The story that I was talking about before is called Fueled Anger. Look it up. Really good and a work in progress, to boot. Decent show. You have to find some way for Kai to deal with his power issue as when he exerts alot he has to pay for it. It's almost like he's a Tremere without the benefits of being a vampire. I like the interaction with Hermione and Blaise and I look forward to what you plan on doing with this. I would like to suggest that you make it a bit like the Ron/Hermione dynamic without the childishness. They can be snarky buy playful with alot of sarcasm, as I think that is where you are going with a budding relationship there. I think that Ron needs to be arrogant right off the bat in his first class with Harry/Kai and that Harry needs to put him in his place right off. Food for thought. I'm putting you in my Story alert for now and hope that you respond to my suggestions.
| PhantasmagoricBlade chapter 11 . 1/21/2008
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 10 . 1/20/2008
The one thing that I like about Harry Potter fan fiction that I don't find enough of is that they don't compare Harry to his mum enough. I like the fact that at the end of your chapter 10 you make that correlation. He may look like his dad but acts like his mum. I hated the OOTP movie that they had Sirius call Harry James before he died. I really hated that they changed the fight scene between him and Bellatrix. That was a classic family/sibling rivalry that needed to be in it. In fact I have it planned for my SoH story to have Sirius ask for a two out of three match. :)
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 9 . 1/20/2008
A bit of a stretch in the end of chapter 9.
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 8 . 1/20/2008
Responding to your challenges in chapter 8... You have other fish to fry here. Where are Hermione and where are Ron in this story? So far, they are non-existent. Ginny is another thought, although I hate the pairing, Tom was brought back by Colin, which leaves alot to ask. You have to round this story with Canon, and I don't really care how you do it, but it is not canon compliant without it and not believable without reasonable explanations. With those explanations you have to build relationships as well. Doing a simple Harry/Tonks story isn't quite so simple or easy. You have to build a relationship dynamic and you haven't in canon whatsoever. There are alot of holes here that you need to fill. I know that you probably havent't had many reviews that have called you on this, especially since you're this far into it but there were other relationships that JKR built that have to be either honored or explained away that you haven't done so with. Work on it now.
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 7 . 1/20/2008
Good chapter. I especially liked the interaction with Moody in this one, and the expected interaction with Tonks. I really would give more information other than out of sync bits with what drove Harry. I got it but it was a bit disjointed. Also, looking at the story, with Harry not being there there are some missing people in the story. Where are Remus and Sirius?
| Mister Bigbucks chapter 11 . 1/20/2008
good story. keep it up!
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 6 . 1/20/2008
This was a good chapter, and I've not read seven, but I would at least personally detail potential uses for what Kai/Harry would be gaining by accepting the Muggle Defense position. There needs to be peer interaction soon, good, bad or indifferent. Additionally the Cami slip screamed Summer of Change. Sorry, saw it obvious.
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 5 . 1/20/2008
So far this is still as slash in making story. All the markers are there for it. I'm sorry but at chapter five, unless you work on making a friendship with Snape or reveal that Kai is Harry Potter and let Severus make a decision as to how to feel about it it's going to be hopeless and I can see why you're trying to justify it. Harry needs more people besides Snape and Dumbledore to interact with.
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 4 . 1/20/2008
There hasn't been a "Insert what type of thing, Elemental, War Mage, Magus, since..." is a stereotypical storyline that has been used to death. Sorry, but I don't really like that take on a story because its been overdone.
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 3 . 1/20/2008
Nice bit of subterfuge. I still say that the truth needs to come out. Harry is now 17 from what I've read, and that he doesn't know Ron or Hermione or anyone else from Hogwarts. I'm curious as to what the relationship dynamic will be once he arrives during canon seventh year.
| Geovanni Luciano chapter 2 . 1/20/2008
Still decent. Harry/Kai has to have a background that would have afforded him the opportunity to learn Voldemort/Tom's background and a reason why that knowledge was important. You have to set up background, via direct telling, or flashback to make it more believable. Remember with any story that being able to pass what you are writing as believable to the reader is that you have to provide a suspension of disbelief. Not only that but also in such a way as it doesn't seem forced. Off to chapter 3.