Reviews for A Shadowed Soul
jcampbellohten chapter 17 . 11/24/2014
Cool, Ron got over exactly what I was talking about. I don't know why this keeps showing up, but no one calls him "the Voldemort," it's just "Voldemort" or one of his other names.
jcampbellohten chapter 16 . 11/24/2014
Unless he yelled it, Snape's "Excuse me?" shouldn't be in capitals. Italics is the go-to way to express emphasis in my experience. Right after that, it says Snape said something "hauntily" where it should say "haughtily." When the first pairs are announced Zabini's name has an M added into it, and it stays there for the rest of the chapter.
I liked that at first although Ron was an arrogant, naïve, narrow-minded person it was more in the frame of childishness than anything else. Lately, however, he's been getting more stupid in his statements. *sigh*
jcampbellohten chapter 15 . 11/24/2014
Not sure where you got the idea to spell merely as "mearley." Anywho, damn, that's a complex illusion! He must have replicated the entire town, people included, inside each of their heads. That speech was BAMF, too.
I swear, Susan is going to try to get into Kai's pants. Ron sounds whinier and stupider than I would expect from this story.
jcampbellohten chapter 14 . 11/24/2014
NO YOU DIDN'T! You did NOT just have Kai use the brown-eye/blue-eye lesson! LOL! ...Oh, he only did it very briefly. That's a good point about not having a "wizard studies" class, I never thought of that.

It's Antonin Dolohov, not Antoine. Now that I've started, "stifling" has one F, and it's "imprisoned," not "emprisoned." Justin Finch-Fletchey says, "Ever sense" he joined the magical world, when it should say, "Ever since..."
jcampbellohten chapter 13 . 11/24/2014
The Wizengamot session wasn't epic, but it was quite satisfying. (Side note: Thestrals don't have feathers. Kai's fake wand would use a thestral hair if anything.) That's quite an abrupt segue to a... not cliffhanger, but a teaser.
jcampbellohten chapter 12 . 11/24/2014
Six missed obstacles would be a minute thirty, not a minute fifteen.
jcampbellohten chapter 11 . 11/24/2014
I can't say I find much fault with your portrayal of Ron. He definitely had a strongly black-and-white view of the world most if not all of the way through the books, and he could be quite childish. Still, I think his confidence issues from being the sixth boy and having such accomplished brothers would preclude him having the kind of Malfoyish arrogance he has here.
jcampbellohten chapter 10 . 11/24/2014
Good, it likely won't get out that Kai is Harry Potter. Out of curiosity, are the privacy wards still up? Because there's no mention of him taking them down. Speaking of secrets, considering allegedly 99% of the world has no idea Rikers exist, a startling number of people so far haven't needed an explanation; Sirius is the first one I can remember asking about it. How much of that is people being told in prep for meeting Kai?
jcampbellohten chapter 9 . 11/24/2014
So much cool stuff going on!

Again, I like that Voldemort/the bad guys aren't caught completely defenseless when what would otherwise be a deus ex machina group shows up (e.g., having a plan to trap the assassin, having a trick up his sleeve to get the Rikers out of his place).
jcampbellohten chapter 6 . 11/23/2014
I don't see how Krystien's thoughts would be projected in the memory when he showed it to Kai, which is the only way I can see Kai remembering what Krystien had been thinking. Similarly, it would be VERY impressive for Kai to supposedly transfigure something into dragonhide. Also, the subject Snape specializes in, that he is a Master in and teaches at Hogwarts, is Potions with an "s"; i.e., he is a Potions Master and is the Potions professor at Hogwarts.

Well, well, this could be very interesting. I think I don't want to see Kai having a disproportionate amount of interaction with Ron, Hermione, Ginny, etc., except perhaps Hermione because she would ask a lot of questions.
jcampbellohten chapter 5 . 11/23/2014
I try to let typos go, but this one was too much: in Harry's dream it says the darkness is "smoothing" him, but I believe you meant "smothering." While I'm at it, right after that it says an invisible hand "drug" him, but the past-tense of drag is "dragged," unless it's some British grammar convention I don't know about. There have been a few to/too errors throughout, and in chapter 2 it says oening his eyes was the only way for Kai to "access" the situation where it should say "assess."

I'm curious as to whether the bit with Leander was just a nightmare or Leander has some kind of real hold on Kai in his dreams. The suspicious chill could be a symtom of that, perhaps, or else it could just be pneumonia from getting blood in his lungs or something.
jcampbellohten chapter 4 . 11/23/2014
I'm liking this well enough so far. Hopefully it doesn't get out, at least not too much, that Kai is Harry Potter, because I can only see problems arising from that when people try to get him to fit into their perceptions of how he should be and/or get him to settle down in Britain or at Hogwarts. I like the bit with him communicating with Hogwarts, that was cool.
jcampbellohten chapter 2 . 11/23/2014
Okay, if Voldemort has hair and a deep voice, then something different happened to give him another body—wait, of course it did, he didn't use Harry's blood in the ritual. Though, he and Pettigrew said he could use anyone's, so it could still be the same ritual... Anyway, I also would expect him to Crucio Barracas for his insubordination before saying anything. Also, you correctly call "Kai" and Voldemort Parselmouths most of the time, but a few times you slip up and call them Parseltongues.
jcampbellohten chapter 1 . 11/23/2014
There are some tense consistency issues in the beginning; past-tense would be good, present-tense would be acceptable overall, but the beginning switches between the two. Also, Voldemort seems a bit out of character, what with the "I came as soon as I heard" and the "Huh?" and the "Coordinated strike C-360." I guess the Death Eaters are more organized here than they are in canon? Still, I like that they're not worthlessly weak like some people make them. I find the thestral animagus form to be a bit much.
The new reader chapter 18 . 11/21/2014
Hi. I have simply devoured the story so far. It is enthralling to say the least. Thank you for writing, I sincerely hope you continue. If you ever find yourself in need of a proofreader or such, feel free to drop a line.
2,524 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 7 14 .. Last Next »