|Reviews for Memento Mori|
| The Silver-Tongued Lion chapter 1 . 3h
To be honest, I am extremely reluctant to post this. Due to you explaining your reasons for Light's behaviour and the serious nature of rape itself, it has become even more difficult for me to constructively criticise your writing without coming off as an insensitive, ignorant douchebag of an asshole. In fact, I feel like one as I type this review. So, let me clarify first: I have never known and hopefully never will know the horrific experience of being raped and the resulting trauma.
That being said, Light is very out-of-character. As one of your reviewers has already pointed out, trauma affects behaviour, but it does not induce a full-on personality transplant. I won't rehash the same arguments they made, so let me go on into my own review. This is very rushed from a storytelling point of view. Light gives up his ideals in one chapter as quickly as you would pick up a boring book and put it down again. There's not a hint of the anger and passion at the very core of his character in the writing, so the brash actions he makes simply come off as confusing. Light is an angry, delusional, egoistical young man (BIG on the delusional there), so I gathered denial would be the very first thing he would feel. Very, very strong denial. He'd snap back at anyone trying to help him (why would a God need help? Don't you dare pity me and the like ensues) and injure himself in the process (because the boy needs therapy and lots and lots of Jesus).
I expected him to research and kill his attacker in that very same chapter since you were going so fast with his thoughts anyway. Which brings me to another point. I think you could have spread out Light's thoughts and actions of the first chapter throughout several chapters to better illustrate how his trauma would begin to wear down on his ideals. It would've created more depth and been much more believable. As his God complex began to collapse on him, the readers would have already held much more sympathy for out favourite mass murdering psychopath, and then would it be much easier for me to believe that Light thought himself unworthy of being Kira.
This is for future reference. I suggest you check out DeathPendulum's Blind Fury. It's a Durarara! fic. It has a similar enough premise with a similar enough central character (manipulative sociopath with a God complex the size of a planet gets raped). I admit I haven't finished reading it, but from the first few chapters I could see dark characters being put into dark situations and the story getting a hell of a lot darker and more mature as a result.
Anyway, I hope this doesn't come off as a completely negative review. It most definitely is not. Me posting this is just proof that you're great at writing and have much more room to grow. Your recent fic set in the Omegaverse is a vastly better improvement in your characterisation of Light (down to his megalomania and internalised self-loathing!) and had me hooked from the start. I'll eventually get around to posting a separate review there. In the meantime, keep writing!
| funezcookie6 chapter 18 . 7/23
This is the first DeathNote Fanfiction I've read. It had a few grammatical and spelling errors but overall, it was on point. I simply loved it
| kaorusan241 chapter 18 . 7/12
That was so amazing, I really enjoyed it. I stayed up all night reading it and I don't regret a thing :') I had hoped things could have gone a bit further but I think it probably adds to the story, and definitely kept me reading to the end. Great work!
| Jay Jay Newton chapter 18 . 7/11
Woww. I just finished reading this fic (all in one setting) and it's beautiful. I love your writing and your interpretation of Raito and L's dynamic. It's easily the best that I've found in the DN fandom. I found this after reading Primitive Liars (BRILLIANT- waiting eagerly for the next chapter). If you have any suggestions for more fics, I'd love to read them!
| randym chapter 18 . 6/23
A good show; not as excellent, in my opinion, as some of your other works featuring this pairing [due mainly perhaps to pacing, and certainly to the behavior of L-who did not strike me as non canonical, but did not cause an emotional engagement in the way others of your works have. Work, singular, in the least.] are, but most definitely worth reading, particularly in comparison to the very, very numerous bog paper stories that comprise most of the American internet. More concisely: Good job, with room for improvement. But there always is, unfortunately.
| SilverRider09 chapter 13 . 6/7
"I had a feeling." XDXDXDXDXD
| SilverRider09 chapter 11 . 6/7
Hey, I think your writing is exceptional for a 15 year old. Flawed, maybe, but everyone's writing is flawed and the holes will be covered up eventually. Yuhuh. :)
| Chuchu chapter 18 . 6/4
I still read this after all this time... love you and your story!
| Monkeysloveapples chapter 18 . 6/3
Really good! I liked how you captured Light's as well as L's persons. It really would be like Light to do all that as his pride and God-complex/narcissism are all great factors to his personality. L was oblivious at the start, but that could be explained by how he couldn't really visualize something like that happen to the oh-so-great Light Yagami. How he was L's first friend could also have been a factor, but especially how short of a time Light had actually spent outside in that period of time also hidden by the fact that Light really is a great actor. It's harder to see something for what it is close up rather than when one can see the whole from some distance... Anyway, great fic!
| Hideki Ryuga chapter 18 . 4/16
This is the best fanfiction I have honestly read. Everything is so in character and I just love it. It makes me want to turn it into a RP plot and just immerse myself in the concept.
Thank you very much for writing this. I praise you!
| Guest chapter 18 . 4/6
This was really awesome. I loved it.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/5
Awesome. This story has a great start. Well done.
| Guest chapter 10 . 4/4
OMG! this is the best chapter in all of fan fiction history, how L finds out is just pure amazingness, great detail and this story is written awesomely, there are no flaws I can find in this story! when I was reading this chapter I was jumping out of my seat and screaming like a maniac because it's like, Light! open your eyes!
| Guest chapter 3 . 4/3
OMG! best fan fiction I've ever read in my entire life, I love it so much and I'm only three chapters in ;) and oh mah gosh this chapter is absolutely fabulous! love it so much 3
| Memento Mori chapter 1 . 3/23
You might want to check out an episode (11) of an anime show called Death Parade...it will blow your mind.