|Reviews for The After|
| JokersLastLaugh chapter 3 . 9/7/2015
I enjoyed reading this and I loved the Ron and Kim unity.
| Rocinante chapter 3 . 5/30/2010
Thanks to some mysterious glitch on the site which prevented me from reading Chap. 3 for like, ever, I finally got to finish reading this.
A sterling follow up to OSL, my fanfic brother warrior. Dark with tech, sprinkled with a few glints from SS, you've carried the classic face-off of Two Shades of Green to a new level. I say, bravo! It's sparkling to see one's efforts having so much of an influence on another.
I'm particularly impressed, but not surprised with how Shego talked her way out of a .40-caliber lobotomy. Evil is as evil does, eh?
| Tikigod784 chapter 3 . 2/18/2010
That was awesome. From the drop to the escape, a very interesting story, not to mention the almost camaraderie between Shego and Kim. If they teamed up, taking over the world would actually be a real possibility...
Your stories are pretty interesting, and I always get a sense of foreshadowing in that Kim might end up a super-villain herself (with training and experience to avoid all the pitfalls and stereotypes).
Excellent work! By the way, do you have any writing posted on other forums/sites? I'd be interested to read those as well...
| Salestron chapter 3 . 12/26/2007
Once again I am astounded by the quality of the writing that I have seen on this website. This is truly a great story and is extreamly imaginative in its use of technology and realism yet still seamlessly drawing it into a fictional world of which the author did not create yet seems to understand. The only thing that could be considered at fault in my opinion is that sometimes the author writes in a little to much of a Tom Clancy style that some have grown to love and some to hate(I like Tom Clancy but you have to be carefull in use of his style of writing to much can spoil a good story). Overall it is still a very good narative and I would recomend it and hope that this author continues to write.
| fireand'chutes777 chapter 3 . 11/26/2007
Thanks for the reviews, everybody! (Bring on some more! :D)
...5 months? Yeesh, it never feels like that when you're living it...
Ran: I probably could have broken chapter 3 into two parts, but I was drawing a blank on creative chapter names, and in my mind I simply hadn't envisioned a chapter break in the same way as for chapters 1 and 2.
As for the focus on Kim during the firefight at the exclusion of Ron, I thought I'd favored him during the leadup and escape, so the firefight was Kim's turn for focus. Rereading, I realize that I could have inserted more of Ron, but IMHO it might've broken the flow of the fight.
"Keep on writing in the free world."
Darn... well, there goes my trip to Moscow next month. :P (j/k)
Cody Ice: covered in PMs
"Looked like the arms race was going to end before going very far when Shego pulled THAT weapon out..."
You can never go wrong with a Tony Montana reference. XD
"...but one of a sort nearly equals and maybe sisters who fight moment too... Finally away from the really screwed with lair's debris field..."
Could you clarify your wording a bit?
| Ran Hakubi chapter 3 . 11/25/2007
Great way to end the story, although I do have a few...quirks...about it.
First of all, you could have gotten about two or three chapters out of this. Its always okay to break up an extreamly long chapter into more bite sized chunks.
Second, you seem to focus an awful lot on Kim and spend hardly any time on Ron. Remember, Ron was busy dealing with Drakken while Shego and Kim were having their fire fight. I'm sure that there are several of us that would like to know exactly what went down between Ron and Drakken.
I did like the Halo bit though with the overshield and the UNSC thing. That was cool.
But yeah, just thought I would throw those things out there.
Keep on writing in the free world.
| Cody MacArthur Fett chapter 3 . 11/24/2007
Wow! So that's what you were writing for 5 months. That was long and detailed, good job! It still wasn't as long as the last chapter of Quis Custodiat's Ron Stoppable: Ultimate Monkey Master (50,0 words!), but still pretty long. It may have been a little too detailed though, but that is part of your style. Once again everyone was in character, and you touched on something few authors do, post traumatic stress disorder, and in a very subtle way too.
Now for the mandatory ranting about story points. Wade mentioned that Hench got the shield from the UNSC, now ether Wade never heard of Halo, or he's slipping. The description of the shield is exactly like that of the bubble shield in Halo 3, and all shields in the Haloverse for that matter. Besides I'd recognize the abbreviation for the United Nations Space Command anywhere. Weather by design or accident, you just made the OLS universe into a Halo crossover. I am of course not complaining about this in the slightest, I in fact welcome it since I'm finishing up the first chapter of my own Halo crossover, and I just love crossovers with aforementioned franchise.
Also it seems that Kim is having a hard time coming to grips with always carrying a firearm (a very Typuran thing to do), but she'll have to get over it, or else she will get her head blown out one day, if not by Hamas then by one of the villains who finally got fed up with loosing. Kill or be kill, the only constant in war (well if you don't count the last coupe of years that is. Eh politics, who needs it).
You also mentioned the Lorwardian invasion, this seems counterintuitive to your series however, you might want to go back and edit some things.
Well, it's time to sum this review up. In short I loved the story and hope that you do more in this universe. A 5 out of 5.
Sic Semper Tyrannus
| Larrin chapter 3 . 11/24/2007
This is amazing! I love this 'verse, you make everything so realistic and gritty. Loved the interaction with Shego and Kim, especially when they both backed into each other. Great update and I hope you continue!
| CajunBear73 chapter 3 . 11/24/2007
A little depressing after all the slinking around, it was for naught as Shego went outside of specs and got the Better Radar Arrays... Oh well, a pretty good workout was had by all up to the fight in the warehouse.
Looked like the arms race was going to end before going very far when Shego pulled THAT weapon out, but in the end it came down to a pistolero standoff with high caliber weapons.
Good to see Kim finally get it through Shego's head (without a bullet through the head of either) that being armed isn't for the super-villains, just the religious zealots she faced off earlier who have one heck of a bounty on her head. Though in the 'discussion' Kim got her eyes opened a bit about what her adversaries are really packing, and got a lesson towards growing up in this business. A bit of a bonding moment, after receiving her scar from Shego, between the two pro's but one of a sort nearly equals and maybe sisters who fight moment too.
Finally away from the really screwed with lair's debris field (man can Drakken really put together a mish-mash of quality, cheap and altered equipment), the two learn additional info on their translator chips that may lead the two of them to 'discuss' the dream they shared earlier. Who knows, their hormones may be part of the talk and they either may get a handle on them or act on them as far as Kim will allow...
Now about their crying, or worse, in their sleep. Hope they get help here.
| Cody MacArthur Fett chapter 2 . 8/22/2007
Don't stop now man this AU you've created is absolutly fantstic. The tech, the dialoge, the drama, the acknowlegement that the War on Terror actualy exists, I love it all. And I can't wait to find out what happens next. I know that I've said this before but... YOUR THE NEXT TOM CLANCY MAN! So update soon?
| Larrin chapter 2 . 8/8/2007
Love this story as much as I love its counterpart! Hope you update soon!
| NotTheCrimpMaster chapter 2 . 7/20/2007
Good start. I look forward to more.
Out of curiosity, what was the line you borrowed from Timebreaker?
| CajunBear73 chapter 2 . 7/17/2007
So now the first post Afghan mission villain mission begins. Interesting folks on the cargo plane.
Kim seems to be battling her hormones, as is Ron. Wonder when this will come out in the open for these two.
Times have changed, and so have the plans, tactics and mindsets of the villains. Wary of Kim's pistols, things are more serious. Shego has yet to bring hers out, as has Kim, but will she be a first strike, or not?
| CajunBear73 chapter 1 . 7/16/2007
Oh my dear lord, that was one hell of a shared dream! A bit of a flash of things to come?
Looks like the start of a very good continuation of our heroes lives together in the biz.
| BrianLeeB chapter 1 . 7/16/2007
ANOTHER shared dream? Hm...
A good start to what looks like another good story.