You forgot:

Sorry I've been away for so long my (insert horrendous excuse), but I'm back now...

So much WIN!

This is great, thought I wouldn't like it at first but the more I read it the more liked it, I wonder how many
steps I've done maybe you should read my fanfic and tell me or not whatever.

Maybe you can add more steps like the new step 15 could be if you are making a crossover with a series you more remember to weaken all Dragon Ball as can. step 16 could be something like "I will be rewriting my fanfic (over 12-15 times) or I got tired of writing this fanic and so I will deleting all of chapters so far"

This manual can also be applied to other series (replace Vegeta with Sasuke and you have Naruto, Frieza with Aizen and you have bleach) and so on... Good work.

Though let's not forget authors who think boys can get pregnant too.

I hope people read this guide before they even scoot up to their keyboards! I'm just getting into this whole fanfic thing and I can tell you that in the week I've been sifting through the stories I've come across some nightmares...and of course the story gets 800 glowing reviews -_-

****There really ought to be a star system****

I absolutely cannot stand it when authors write a whole story in ENGLISH but then choose to spice it up by saying one or two Japanese words! It is distracting, immature and pulls you away from the very story you are trying to get lost in...

Also don't forget

17) Add ridiculous asides so telling us what you think and how we should feel

EX:

Vegeta turned looking over his shoulder with a cocky smile looking deep into the woman's deep blue eyes. "Onna, you know I love you!" And with that he turned on his heel and stormed off. (Awww that was sooooooooooooo kawaiiiiiiiii right! I thought so anyway thats why I wrote it)

18) Make up your own crazy and hard to decipher code for how the story should be read instead of using rudimentary grammar.

EX:

A/N: Okay when you see this thats Goku taking and when you see this ** Thats ChiChi and when you see this ! #$%&*()_ that means I slept through 10th grade English

It made my day x)

finally! someone comes and says something

Love this! But now only concerned if my story falls into some of these categories...(definitely six and maybe nine too...). Can you tell me? (my story Not the Ideal Hero). And in the trashy fanfiction tradition it is about Vegeta and Bulma in the three year gap...maybe we should add that to the beginner's really bad fanfiction ;)

That was fantastic... I agree with just about everything you said, it gets totally obnoxious trying to find decent DBZ stories, I wind up spending more time looking than reading... The authors notes/disclaimers and such really don't matter to me very much, but the steps about the actual content of the story were oh so true, you may have presented this humorously, but these things seriously go on in way too many stories, I can't begin to explain the amount of times the things you mentioned will ruin an otherwise promising story for me or lessen my enjoyment of said story because I spend a lot of the time I read it wishing the author hadnt done this or that. I never understood the desire to insert Japanese into an English story, it makes zero sense, even if it's just names and such, the English anime was in... English... Not Japanglish... On a similar subject, any, and all relation to the world we live in is kinda silly, it's not really a deal breaker when I read a story, but I just kinda have to shake my head when an author talks about the characters being American or Japanese, or how a character spent time in Europe or wears a Gucci dress, etc.. I just don't see why it needs to be done, I mean DBZ has an entire fictional Earth with it's own people, places and things that can be used as references. The whole "Saiyan mating ritual" thing is another point I wholeheartedly agree with, again, not something that always makes me close out of a story where it is included, but it's definitely annoying. As I read through fics I'm constantly asking myself "where in the name of god did this all come from?", it's in sooo many fics, written exactly the same way that you would almost believe it's actually part of DBZ, seriously, if you had someone read through 15 Bulma/Vegeta or Gohan/Videl fics before ever watching DBZ and then had them watch the show they may very well ask you why there aren't any bite marks on Bulma's neck? Why can't you hear Goku and Chi chi speaking telepathically? And why doesn't Vegeta ever "growl" when someone else looks at Bulma? You see the characters written out of character alot, and for me that can be ok, my biggest issue is the way alot of authors write characters out of character and for what reasons they do it, for some reason the trend seems to be turning Gohan into a shameless, arogant, douche bag who tends to smirk "seductively", growl, snap and fly off the handle, and who hates his father and looks up to Vegeta as a wonderful male role model who he can go to for all sorts of wonderful fatherly advice such as how to be an all around prick to everyone and how to let the current bad guy hang around long enough to power up, absorb needed character, or hatch from mystical throbbing eggs... The reasons for authors writing this "improved" Gohan? That's the way they feel he should have turned out because Akira Toriyama ruined his character, yup, that's the road they believe Gohan's character was on before the creator stepped in and turned him into a nice guy... O... Kay?... If it wasn't for that silly DBZ author then the boy who spent his day frolicking with his purple dragon, and doing calculus equations in the sand with a stick when he was left alone for 6 months DEFINITELY would have turned into a real arrogant prick who is know for his pedo smirk and short fuse... In said stories what Videl really wants isn't to learn how to fly, or to find out who Saiyaman is, or to beat the crap out of grown men... without any help... Nope, what she really wants is a good dicking, or maybe to have her first experience with swallowing... O... Kay?... And said dicking(or cum blasting) can come(literally and figuratively) from a still masked Saiyaman or Gohan still action packed with secrets she can care less about because of his "very sexual" smirks and growls he emits when she caresses his still present tail... I seriously have nothing against a bit of romance and some changes to the original characters personalities, hell, it could even be argued that without some character changes it's nearly impossible to write decent DBZ romance, but no matter what, I think the basics of the original personalities should be maintained unless the author is purposely going for something different as a parody or something of the like...
Yet a painfully small number of authors seem to understand this and more often then not I find myself reading some rough approximation of the given character that shares little more than experiences and a name with the character from the show... I honestly don't even mind a lemon, as long as it's well written, and the author can keep in mind who they're actually writing in the sex scene(would also be nice for the author to have actually had sex so they know what actually goes on during sex between 2 real people and not a virginal fantasy of the sex act). Because in most DBZ fics I read, it just so happens that every male character is hung like a bear and seems to know exactly how to bring the female they're with to MANY euphoric orgasms during there first sexual experience... All while busting 3 or 4 times during one magical pleasure session. I laughed hard when I read the steps on how all women must be stunningly beautiful and describing clothing excessively. Not the most horrendous mistakes possible, but it gets pretty old and repetitive quickly, I can't begin to count the amount of times I've read authors describe Bulma simply as the "smartest, most beautiful woman in the entire world", or authors who find the need to dress there characters up for some event and when they arrive every other person in the room stops and drools at said characters and the author goes into a 500 word description of what they are gawking at... Has any one ever in the history of the universe found themselves in a situation like that? I highly doubt it, yet many authors find it plausible enough to write over and over again. That turned into a bit of a rant, and I almost want to continue, but my fingers are getting tired... So yeah, this was great, lol, respect to the author.

That was so funny. You person are a great writer.

I think I died from laughing so hard! Whew...awesome fic! I'd love to see a sequal.

OH my GOD ... i can't stop laughing .this fic is unbelievable

so true and i can't put my feelings about it in sane words ...so funny

thanks for writing it

there is a saying in my language حطيت ايدك على الجرح you put your hand on the wound it means that you captured exactly what is wrong

Flipping hilarious cuz its fricken true!

Sad part about it is...I do half of this stuff LOL, this had me laughing my ass off, bravo!

Yup, Shakespeare's spinning in his grave all right...Think he's almost drilled a hole through Earth by now...