Reviews for Mudblood, Actually
FullmoonSwan chapter 12 . 2/16/2012
Wonder what's going to happen next, I do hope you update one day~ :D
Jude chapter 12 . 1/6/2012
izhetbean chapter 12 . 11/19/2011
Please continue this story it is brilliant. I want to see what happens next :D
Annie chapter 11 . 7/21/2011
This is an amazing story so far, would make a brilliant film. It's so believing that this could of happened to Tom Riddle. You should definitely try and progress with this story, it's such a pleasure to read, well done.
Annie chapter 11 . 7/21/2011
This is an amazing story so far, would make a brilliant film. It's so believing that this could of happened to Tom Riddle. You should definitely try and progress with this story, it's such a pleasure to read, well done.
Anonymous chapter 11 . 1/24/2011
I have to admit, I'm a bit dissapointed in the way this chapter turned out, but that may just be due to the fact that I'm a hopeless romantic... Still, I don't know if Tom would be acting like this if his relationship with Bea had progressed as far as it did...
SammPaglia chapter 11 . 11/23/2010
its amazing update soon
Loves The Used chapter 11 . 11/21/2010
waaaaant more, haha.
RavenFollower13 chapter 11 . 11/21/2010
So you finally posted this chapter after sending it to me to look over like, three months ago? Yay! And I do like this version the bestest too from the other ones. :D
ZeroHope2Survive chapter 3 . 3/16/2010
Just gonna say things as I come to them.

It's "tenure", not "10 year". I do not know what's going on in chapter 8. Things seem to have taken a great big unexplained leap into the future. It's spelled "basilisk", not "basalisk".

Did they just apparate here in chapter 10? You can't apparate on school grounds. Perhaps you mean to imply that the Chamber of Secrets isn't technically part of the school? That's the only way I imagine they could have apparated.

Hmm. I'd be surprised if a girl even owned a T-shirt in the 1940s. I guess the oddity suits Beatrice. Really, I can only imagine army officers wearing them, and even then, they would be underneath the coats.

This part with Tom comforting Beatrice is extremely OOC. Like, amazingly so. Even I'm impressed with how exceedingly out of character it is.

And it looks like there is no more and also like there never will be, given the amount of time that has elapsed since your last update.

Anyway, it was VERY funny. It's not often that I come across stories as amusing. Most of the time, the banter was great (except for a few parts that seemed like they were trying to be funny but they actually weren't).

The OOC-ness really put me off in the end, but I thoroughly enjoyed the majority of the story and I strongly encourage you to write more like this (and maybe a bit better if you would like to put in the effort).
silverspigot chapter 10 . 2/1/2010
Yeah, I could totally tell. But don't worry. You'll do better next time. D
Cybill chapter 10 . 1/15/2009
I've just read all chapters and I must say that this is seriously fun! I like Bea, I adore their conversations and constant quarelling and spiteful remarks, and I certainly hope you did not abandon this story, because I totally dig it:) Write more!
Owl Emporium chapter 10 . 7/23/2008
Wow, I love this! I love stories about young Tom Riddle (for some reason, I like him but detest Voldemort...that makes sense?). Well, I kinda feel bad for Voldie, but that doesn't mean I like him xD. Anyways, this is such a great story! There are to little! There needs to be more! :D Anyways, great job! (:


Madame Tortilla chapter 1 . 7/21/2008
Hello Heffalump Army

I didn't like this chapter that much. I am honest with that. Tom isn't realist and is very OCC. I'm positive he wouldn't allow a Muggleborn like Beatrice to do/say such things to him without a positive and terrible revenge, nor would he call her a Mudblood in front of a professor. I just don't like too OCC characters. And their quarrel is absolutely ridiculous. You have to regard the time they're in: 1940-1950. I'm also positive that people, ESPECIALLY pupils weren't that rude and ready to come with a witty and sarcastic come-back to their professors.

In order for a fanfiction to be good, it also has to be realistic. Your first chapter, at least, lacks that strict sense of reality that is needed to ensure the upcoming ones a better appreciation and judgment.

The fight they had is NOT funny in any way. You're trying so hard to make a humoristic fanfiction that your probably forgot that in order to create a good atmosphere, realism is required. And I'll tell you about realism every time I seem fit because that is exactly what your fic lacks.

You may have a good idea, but the plot has a big problem. Reality. And that is a very big flaw, as I see it.

Many people judge other fics by their first chapter, and I am sure that if you at least tried to re-write yours to make it at least to resemble a bit more their actual Era, that people would like it even more. I see you have "faithful" readers, and that they don't seem very worried about the actual "state" of the reality issue. However, there millions of other readers around here, and as you probably noticed most of them stop reading your fic after the first chapter. Have you ever wondered why? Well, I being one of them, give you one plausible answer for that question.

I am aware that when you read this that you'll probably think my main objective was to make a mockery out of you, or even put you down because I didn't like your fic. Old and stupid sentences like: "It's my first fic", or even "If you don't like the fic, then don't read it!" are incredibly pathetic and WRONG. My main goal was to tell you what's on my mind when I read your first chapter. What you needed to improve and what was already good. Your biggest mistake is trying too hard to create both humour and romance in such a ill-mannered way that you don’t seem to be thinking straight, much less doing a good job so far. So, if you do reply or PM me with such obnoxious kind of sentences, I’ll be forced to believe that you do NOT want to improve and that all my work was for nothing. Since I’m trying my best to say to say things in a nice way, or even relatively nice, I would appreciate that if you do reply that you’d consider the objective of constructive criticism.

However, I am also aware that this is the first chapter, though I am reading the second as I’m writing the review. It’s still unrealistic and you’re still trying too hard to make it funny. You need to define your plot better and give it at least a hint of seriousness. This is NOT a parody. It’s a simple Humour/Romance fic, and it obviously lacks the first. Remember the Era they’re in. Remember also the type of language they used back then and how people used to behave. Humour can be achieved by subtle hints and observations regarding ridiculous situations; furthermore, great comedians of our time satirize the world around by observing. Simple and plain observation, which doesn’t include in any way the bizarre/unrealistic situations you’re providing. It may be at least a bit fun if you’re writing a parody, but not in a Humour/Romance genre. Honestly, at least switch it to Parody if you’re so keen on making a mockery out of the fic. Your current genre doesn’t fit at all with the plot.

My previous statements apply to your second, third and fifth (the really bad ones, as I see it).

The fourth still had a slight unrealistic part during the conversation with Avery (Parody genre); the sixth apart from the out of place/time language was much better; the seventh was fairly good, though Beatrice is incredibly annoying; the eight could be better, much better. I suggest you write your chapters in a notebook or something of the sort; it actually helps to organize ideas. Writing all the chapters straight at the computer and late at night is NOT a good thing to do, believe me. I tried it before, and it never works. People need time to work on their “assignments” and to actually think about what they’re going to do, so that the plot doesn’t go in the wrong direction. You often state that it is not going the way you want it to, and yes, you’re right about NOT writing things off the top of your head. It’s a horrible habit that people have. Get a Beta Reader; just because your mother language is English it doesn’t mean you don’t need help organizing both your plot and ideas. There a lot out there willing to help you out.

The ninth and tenth chapters could also be better, a lot better. All I said above and in the beginning of the review apply to most of your chapters. This is mainly because you are trying, and I repeat, either too hard to make it hilarious, or making it extremely dramatic.

“MY BAD. I just can't do it. I feel sad when I write sad.”

Yes, that can be kind of hard, but try to follow what you have in mind, (previously planned, of course) and not to push all your feelings and emotions to the chapter. Beatrice is not a Mary Sue, not even remotely. But she is incredibly annoying. At least, in my mind she is. You are able to create good OC’s but the truth is, you can make them very annoying and always complaining about everything. That’s another bad thing. But hey, you can improve if you want to. You can even re-write the whole fic (NOT late at night), but please, firstly define your objectives. Write them down on a notebook and from there, create a better plot or even better upcoming chapters. By the time I’m finishing this, I’ve read your entire fic and now you know what I think. I know perfectly authors cannot be trusted to criticize or review their own work impartially; we’re too attached to our ideas and to what we want to do that we either think everything is too perfect and that everyone’s going to like it or we see faults and mistakes in everything and get frustrated. Seriously, that’s the main reason Beta Readers exist; don’t be shy, click on “Browse for Beta Readers” and pick one. It’s not hard. And always keep this in mind: you can improve, but only if you want to. Long chapters do not mean good ones, nor do short ones. Medium chapters are good, but if you want longer ones then be sure of what’ll happen. Define the plot and your main objectives for each chapter; have an overall idea of the whole story and then add the small, subtle details as you write. And please, keep your OC’s both likable and realistic. Remember what I said about accepting and knowing the manner of speech people have in each Era, do not mix them. It’s horrible like that.

Just a side-note: When beginning your chapters, if you want to make them more serious and improve their overall view, why don’t you write the title of the story, number of the chapter and name of the chapter (perhaps you want to add your pen-name? I do that) right above the text? It brings your fic to a whole new level, I reckon.

I honestly hope my review helps you.

Best Regards,

. .

PS - And now I add you to my story alert because I want to know if you will improve. I certainly hope so.
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