|Reviews for the gameintro|
| Rowena DeVandal chapter 1 . 7/29/2007
Hi there, how are you? Bored? Because I can think of no other reason why something this craptastic ever saw the the light of day. I mean, it's one thing to base a character off of someone you know. It's even all right to give a character some of your own personality traits, since it helps you relate to them. But to blatantly write a story about yourself and your BFF'S 4-EVAH! is just plain moronic!
And let's talk punctuation, shall we? Do you see all those little things at the end of my sentences? The squiggly one is called a "question mark", the vertical line with the dot underneath is an "exclamation point" and the little dot is called a "period". These things are not optional when writing, they are REQUIRED. I suggest you figure out where they are on the keyboard, then find someone who knows how to use them teach you how. Since you're so bored, I'm sure a few lessons in punctuation will help you pass the rest of your summer in a way that's both productive and educational, which apparently you so desperately need.
Had enough? Too bad, because my next lesson for you is "spelling". See, the English language is a rich and complex thing, but it's not that hard to figure out how to use it. This guy a really long time ago named "Webster" invented this book called a "dictionary". It has all these words in it and every single one of them is spelled correctly. When in doubt, look it up. Of course, centuries later, this other guy named "Bill Gates" founded this company called "Microsoft". One of their products is called "Word" and oddly enough, it will CHECK YOUR SPELLING FOR YOU! But you can never go wrong with the aforementioned "dictionary" and if you don't have one, try a little website called It too has all the words and again, they're all spelled correctly! What will they think of next?
I know what I'm thinking - grammar! There's correct grammar, which is what I'm using, but then there's incorrect grammar, which is what YOU used. "I held the close to my face i began my story:" What? Is that even a sentence? Do you have issues with the English language? Are you trying to punish it for something? Don't you have better things to do with your time? I don't know, maybe LEARN HOW TO WRITE?
Reading this was about as much fun as punching myself in the face, let me tell you. You profile says you're open to new things and that's great! So here's a suggestion: Learning how to write would be a new thing for you, because right now you've got it all wrong. When you get back to school in a few weeks, do yourself and this site a favor and pay attention to your teachers. In the meantime, take this horrible piece of drivel off the site and we'll both pretend this never happened.
Maybe girlcanrock, but she sure can't write.
| R. Zancan chapter 1 . 7/29/2007
You want to know what I did the first time I read through your 'story'?
I pulled some of my hair out.
Oh yeah, this has to be the biggest (or should I say smallest) pile of that I have seen in... well, all my life.
First off, I want to welcome you to punctuation. Because quite clearly, you haven't met it before. Congratulations for actually managing to ignore and/or disregard every rule that goes hand in hand with writing something that isn't a total waste of time for any one who might read it. That includes me, even though I'm flaming it.
Here's a lesson for you.
Sentences(!) begin with capital letters. Now, little one, this isn't that hard to understand, really, is it? Just let that little pinky of yours run on over to the shift key...No, no on your keyboard! Right a little, no that's the mouse. That's your face, concentrate Retard! Good you've got it, it was only your 5th attempt. Now, remember, .down. You go that? Phew, the next trick is; use it.
Oh christ, there are so many mistakes in this chapter that if I actually attempted to point them all out to you by the time I'd have finished I'll have aged three years.
Just some VERY important things then. Names (even things like Chi) have to begin with capital letters. This is a really easy one, becuase well I've already taught you how to use the shift key now all you have to remember is that namescapital's. Always.
" "u spin it u win it. ", u is not a word, in fact it is a letter. You can tell it's a letter because if you take another little gander at your keyboard you'll realise that is's on a button of it's own! In fact, if you want to write the word 'you' you have to press three buttons! Three letters! OMG u lern sumthing new every day!
Secondly, when you start something finish it. By this I mean, when you open the quotation marks, don't forget to close 'em. It's like a freezer, you leave it open; it defrosts. You leave your quotation marks open; you get yourself flamed. (Oh yeah, I thought I was pretty damn nifty bringing in the freezer and the flamed in together, get it? They're like opposites! You don't get it because you're an idiot and I'm a genius.)
Explain to me, how does one guested away by wind? Seriously?
You realised that your story was happening right now? You're stupid, that's stupid, everything that you touch turns to stupid.
Take this stupid little fic down you trollop. Ugh.
| XxTotallyObsessedxX chapter 1 . 7/29/2007
Oh, good God, that was just awful. What were you thinking?
I would copy and paste your mistakes, but it would end up being longer than your chapter!
Your grammar is terrible, as is your spelling. This is such an obvious self-insert that it makes me laugh.
Have you heard of spell check? It really isn't bad once you get to know it.
It takes someone as *special* as you to make me flame. Congrats.