Reviews for Demonic Nemesis |
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![]() ![]() The writing was a bit off in the sense that it was more run on then falling within the story, but to have that in your bio is also not really helping and really disturbing to try and make people repost thing like that |
![]() ![]() ![]() So naruto already threw out the training schedule? Because you had him talk to Iruka for "a hour or so" and the schedule is: 8:30am-10am: You will be working on chakra control. Either exercises from Iruka, your mother's scrolls or me. 10am-11am: Ninjutsu training with the dolphin, since I don't know any this will be especially important since I plan to pay attention as well. 11am-12pm: Sparing with the dolphin. So basically you had him throw away the ninjutsu training and the sparing, to do JUST the tree thing again.. and now we're at lunch... Which is 12pm... He already ate up his time for chakra control explaining everything AGAIN ... I don't understand all this explaining... It's NOBODY'S BUSINESS... It's ONLY his... And even then it's kinda "murky" how ALL this info is relevant, or even applicable to him. A "training partner"? Good idea... You can learn off one another and sometimes martial arts moves can't be learned alone... A "rival"? Terrible idea.. Very, very dumb... Your skills are NEVER going to be identical, and if one or the other's strength GROWS and the other's doesn't right away, then all it inspires is jealousy and it makes the weaker one, grow WEAKER AND WEAKER because they are no longer trying just to be better.. They only want to be better then the one that got stronger FIRST. (and they become mentally STUCK at that point in either ones' growth)..PLUS, like here, Naruto doesn't have even a CLUE of what his REAL power is.. And the rest of the entire class is JUST humans... They COULD be better in certain areas NOW, but that might not be what naruto is good in, and it CERTAINLY won't help him to learn his own power. It's one of the DUMBEST ideas of the naruto series. |
![]() ![]() ![]() "but the one that by all means is a threat to them?"... THAT isn't EXACTLY true though, is it? If he was a "threat to them"... They'd all, already be DEAD wouldn't they? He was in their room while they slept... So they'd already BE corpses... He kinda PROVED he "was clearly and demonstrably, NOT a threat to them."... Then there is the fact he's TELLING them how he did it... How to IMPROVE their security... So again, NOT a threat, but in fact a very vocal ALLY... As a matter of fact... MORE of an ally then ANYONE else, from ANY other clan... Because NONE of them have offered to help the clan as a whole to improve... HE IS. If he was a threat, not ONLY would they already all be dead, but he most certainly wouldn't be willing to STRENGTHEN them. I get that Naruto might not realize these things... He's a kid.. But shouldn't Hiashi and the elders KINDA KNOW all this, they've been ninja for more then sixty years... Your not going to get a whole lot of a BETTER sign that someone isn't a threat to them, in their world. "The elders and my clan are out of my control now." I can't BELIEVE you had Hiashi say this with a straight face!... A kid... That isn't even out of "elementary school", COULD have ENDED the elders STUPIDLY easily, ALONE, in ONE NIGHT... With NOBODY knowing who did it... And Hiashi calls them "out of control" and "he can't DO anything about them"? That's LAUGHABLE! You DO see the COGNITIVE PROBLEM here, right? |
![]() ![]() ![]() Maybe this story should just be renamed "naruto and kyuubi talk the entire time"? As far as trying to drum up sympathy for the third? Nope, not going to happen... That man is SENILE AND INCOMPETENT AS HELL! Either that, or he's just against the fourth and kushina/Kira from the jump. Even HERE, he lies to naruto AND TAKES TWO SCROLLS FROM NARUTO THAT HE COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN TO IN THE FIRST PLACE WITHOUT THE KID! He only tells naruto ANYTHING about his parents, because naruto has gotten stuff from the kyuubi now, and he wants to do SOMETHING to wrap the kid around his finger AGAIN! Trust HIM? HIM? ABSOLUTELY NOT.. Out of EVERYONE in the village.. His INCOMPETENCE is the reason for naruto's problems! (MORE then the kyuubi itself, even). Kinda ODD that his parents SUPPOSEDLY requested naruto only know ANYTHING after he reaches the rank of chunin, which is ENTIRELY dependent on the idiot villagers DECIDING TO ALLOW HIM to hit that rank! (but he needs that info to make anyone in the village change their minds about him.. So it becomes a catch-22)... Also why in the fuck would his parents decide he couldn't know them until he was legally an adult AND WOULDN'T CARE?! Absolutely nonsense. Finally... Yeah, you've made this make LESS sense then canon.. Which, is really impressive because the beginning makes NO SENSE in canon either! Here you've actually made naruto's MOTHER, known and beloved to ALL! AND HE ACTS JUST LIKE HER.. Also there is only 2 Uzumakis IN THE VILLAGE... Naruto and her! But NOBODY puts it together? Despite her KNOWN TO ALL AND LOVED?! As I said... "less sense then the original".. It just DOES NOT WORK in this context.. He's ALREADY a carbon copy as far as looks to the fourth.. But NOW he has a last name EVERYBODY KNOWS and wears the clan symbol on all his clothes that only the "famous and loved" uzuumaki could wear before AND he's the carbon copy of her personality, plus has her verbal tic... HELLO! How DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?! |
![]() ![]() ![]() For heaven's sake, that was the LONGEST exposition dump I've seen in a while... A FULL CHAPTER AND 3/4ths of another, of just two people "talking"... SHEEZ.. With ONE of the two, barely saying anything. Talk about getting the "users' manual". Can we PLEASE stop with this and actually have naruto DOING stuff? Also how is there "punishment" for naruto with NO PROOF? Isn't that the ENTIRE reason danzo hasn't been STRUNG UP AND GUTTED yet? No proof... Well if there was none with naruto then there can be no punishment there either (you can have ONE or the other, but not both... Either proof IS needed for EVERYBODY, or no proof is needed for ANYBODY! Otherwise you've BROKEN logical sense. And NOTHING matters). |
![]() ![]() ![]() "everything is entirely your fault"... Actually, NOTHING that has happened to Naruto is kyuubi's fault really... Even INDIRECTLY the only things that happened that was bad was Naruto's parents dying.. And Kushina would have died with the kyuubi being ripped out, EVENTUALLY... It(kyuubi) really had nothing AT ALL to do with that... And Minato sacrificed himself to seal it.. So TECHNICALLY, it didn't cause that one EITHER... All the hatred? Not Kyuubi's fault, it's been imprisoned... That's pretty much the third's fault. All the bad things that have happened to Naruto? That's the VILLAGERS' STUPIDITY.. They are the ones that are to blame..(especially the nins, as they should KNOW better. And AGAIN the third's fault too because he should have said Naruto's parentage, when he saw keeping the secret WASN'T going to work.. Kushina never had the problems he does, NEITHER did Mito.. So it's just because he's a "no named, suspiciously appearing kid".. Ergo, hiding his heritage ISN'T WORKING to protect him... So there really is NO REASON to do it)... The kyuubi getting ripped out? Nope, not kyuubi's fault.. That's the Uchihas... Same with the "rampage"... I fail to see how Naruto thinks "everything is the fox's fault"... It's BEEN CAGED! It has ALREADY been "punished"... It's been NOWHERE around the village in his ENTIRE LIFE! " Lower-level ones were mostly wiped out hundreds of years ago and the ones that are left other than you Bijuu are supposed to be easily taken care of by a Jounin."... The demon from the first naruto movie... "Morotuku".. That can WIPE OUT ENTIRE PLATOONS of jounin, would like to ARGUE that point.. OH and the demon from "blood prison" who can conquer the entire world and lay waste to ALL jounin and KAGES also! Really the jounin AREN'T ALL THAT.. Look at how MANY anbu die on EVERY MISSION or at any DANGER from the series... It just seems to be "how many bodies can you throw at each and every problem?" That memorial stone in konoha should be taller than an Egyptian obelisk. (but that would PROBABLY put a heck of a DENT in morale for the village and how many new people "sign up").. .There really ARE A BUNCH of "monsters and demons" in their world, just NO fan fiction author EVER touches them... There are zombie outbreaks and ghosts, robots, mad scientists (other then orochi), monster plants, meteors, aliens, yetis and just about everything else... Just everyone always beats the uchiha/akatsuki/orochi arcs to death with baseball bats! Most of the stories make it look like there REALLY ISN'T much going on in their world.. Which is REALLY WRONG.. Just you gotta BREAK AWAY from the "usual, same old characters"... There is even another CONTINENT of people with actual MAGIC... "stone of Gellel"... Knights, wizards... Shape-shifters...etc that have NEVER HEARD of "chakra"... IN CANON. Just seems there are a LOT of stories that COULD be told in a different way, if you change the beginning (like here) where you DON'T go back to the same "sasuke/orochi/akatsuki" well! |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is just canon AGAIN! Why not have naruto PROVE that the bushins are worthless? Why not show that the kids DON'T have the skills they need outside of a classroom (because they really DON'T.. NONE of them do.. And yes I include the uchiha and even the nara in this... The nara does NOT have enough motivation to ENACT his plans and the uchiha has NO CONCEPT of "real battles".. Remember, he tries to commit seppuku when he just feels K.I. from the first jounin he meets. Then LOSES to his first opponent and would have been killed, if he wasn't spared, AGAIN.) "Naruto's REACH is terrible"? His REACH? Seriously? SO the third hokage should never have become a ninja?.. Cuz he's not really that much taller then naruto (only by a couple inches) (16 centimeters to be exact)... And Tsunade is incredibly short as well(same height through the ENTIRE two series.. So 16 centimeters taller then academy student naruto)... Soooo... What is that supposed to mean? Hanabi is a LOT shorter then naruto, her reach would be a LOT worse.. So she would FAIL the test BY YOUR OWN standards. But SOMEHOW she can beat full grown adults. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I'm curious as to WHY the hyuuga clan head would even WANT naruto to tell an entire class (including mizuki who actually WORKS FOR ORCHIMARU) how the hyuuga's security was defeated... Even barring the fact that nobody supposedly knows mizuki is a traitor... That class has BUNCHES of people that WILL fail the exams... So BITTER, "almost" NINS and civilians, that the hyuuga apparently doesn't MIND being told the security holes for his families' compound? Does that seem SANE to you? YES he would probably question naruto... YES the other jounin should know too... But all these academy students? Before they even take the test? These two CHUNIN? Ummm... NO. |
![]() ![]() ![]() good |
![]() ![]() ![]() I most definitely do NOT need this long ass boring 'history' lesson. it drags the interest way down. |
![]() ![]() ![]() hlo |
![]() ![]() ![]() man I really don't want to sound like a dick or a sandaime hater but really naruto dude lied to your face about your parents let you live in poverty, gives u something to connect to your mother but refuses to tell you about your father but gives you a nice apartment and u forgive everything? even kyuu said he lost your trust it would take a miracle to get it back we'll apparently not. The only reason I'm accepting this is because poverty is the norm for naruto and the 3rd is his precious person. |
![]() ![]() w |
![]() ![]() Look great story but it's a shame it was never finished |
![]() ![]() ![]() pls continue pls |