|Reviews for The Narcissus|
| Guest chapter 16 . 12/3/2013
GODDAMMIT! WHY DO ALL THE GOOD ONES DIE?! AND SO YOUNG! Ahem, please, please for the love of all that is good and holy, please update? I’ll even request Santa as my xmas wish.
| Neno chapter 16 . 10/10/2013
.amazing! I rarely post praises but this story is just amazing! Why did you abadon it?! This story has the best plot, best twists, and keeps you guessing! You gotta come back and finish this! GET BACK HERE AND FINISH THIS DAMN IT!
| Shirohitsu chapter 16 . 8/20/2013
Aah. I hope you continue this. Even if its just a small chapter. Don't leave us hanging, ne?
| Googlemo chapter 16 . 8/5/2013
Ok, first of all this was beautiful, I liked this story very much. Characters, writing style, story, fluff and how it was done everything was good.
The only problem is that this FF is abandoned, 2 years without update... I mean COMON! SUch a great story and not even half way there! For pit sake you can just change names(later) and print a nice book!
Dear author, you are certainly gonna burn in Hell for leaving this story unfinished, so see you than.
| Big fan chapter 16 . 7/31/2013
I just reread this story and I still love it! I know it has been a long time, but please please update! I really want to know how it ends! You are a fantastic writer, please don't end it here!
| iamthewerepire chapter 16 . 6/16/2013
Holy shit! FINALLY the truth is out! Man, Rangiku is slow! Poor Toshirou... Hope he'll be saved from Aizen ):
| Benidate86 chapter 11 . 3/30/2013
Great! Monumetal fluff! Haa... If only this story hadn't been already abandoned. Well, but I s'pose people's life get in the way.
| Guest chapter 14 . 3/29/2013
| Kia'a Morris chapter 16 . 10/21/2012
such a lovely story! Gr8 twist,i knew toshirou was da prince! well...i was kind of wishing it! ur story is well written n is by far da best i've read! pls update,i am dying to know wat will happen next!
| miszhatter chapter 16 . 10/18/2012
have you dropped this story? please, you need to update. im dying to know what will happen! haha, sorry for being pushy but it is really really good.
| IvorySea chapter 16 . 9/10/2012
Woah this AU is incredibly good, different and interesting. It absolutely keeps me on my toes and with so many questions in my head left unanswered; leaving me craving for more! I've never read something that makes me feel like that. The characters are also flawless and you've kept them to their original selves quite well. Several times I wondered if Hitsugaya was the actual prince or Aizen's sex slave/punching bag but then you would make me doubt when I kept on reading and in the end he actually was the prince, which is good because you kept me guessing and I liked it. I also never expected to see that Matsumoto had a facial disfigurement and I actually love that. I am extremely curious to know how you will reveal the answers to our questions in your next installments which I hope there will be. I know it's been slightly more than a year since you've updated and you most definitely have your reasons but I hope you can squeeze in a chapter for us whenever you have enough free time because I will be eternally grateful with such a lovely gift! Hope to see more of you soon my dear and thank you! :*
| toPod chapter 14 . 7/8/2012
(Note: Idk why, the word limit seems to be tightening with every review. The last part I posted got cut off shorter than the others. It took me a while to notice all of this, btw, so sorry about choppy bits being posted like hours and days apart.)
across all categories. I really hope that you continue writing, especially this fic in particular because I consider it one of your most accomplished and challenging ones. That, and I rly, rly just wanna find out what’s gonna happen next. Lol. But don’t rush it. I’d like to see you pick up this fic as skillfully as you did for Treading Icy Waters. You took a break for both, and seeing as how you’ve more than successfully completed TIW, I know you’re capable of reproducing that achievement here. I can’t wait. So, yeah. Take your time. Have fun. Use this as practice for the day you decide to write your own story. Just let me know what book it is so I can be the first to buy it.
| toPod chapter 15 . 7/8/2012
and all, I’d say it was about time we caught on. Just so we can start anticipating the moment when it’d be revealed. And by the way, you really know how to handle moments of pure suspense. “I am the property of Hitsugaya Toushiro, Sixth Prince and youngest heir to the throne of Hueco Mundo.” Wooooo, that made me sweat. It is such a concise flourish of hype and finality and pure awesomeness that I HATE HOW IT’S THE LAST THING I READ BEFORE WRITING THIS REVIEW. Are you using those words as bait? ‘Cause I bit it hard. This is why you’re cruel.
Anyways…more hints/foreshadowing and questions I hope will be answered: just how much has Hitsugaya gone through? What does Aizen do to him for him to get nightmares like that? How did he pose a threat those two attempts at assassination? What’s up with Hinamori? And Rukia? How did Hitsugaya help save her? What happened for Ichigo to carry Hitsugaya all the way to Isshin’s? How bad was it that Isshin quit his friggin’ career afterwards? What’s with the “morbid grin” Isshin gave at the suggestion of Hitsugaya and Yamada being a “packaged deal”? What’s Hitsugaya hiding in the dresser? Hyourinmaru? What’s the significance of a fruit platter? What’s the significance of Jiba’s stiff shoulder? Is Renji gonna follow Hitsugaya’s directions to Aizen? Or is he gonna go back and lead the pirates there instead? But wouldn’t he go for Rukia? Wouldn’t Yamada be able to lead them anyways? What’s the relationship of Hitsugaya and his subordinates (Rukia, Ichigo, Orihime, Ishida, Chad)? Where there please-oh-please be Hitsu-whumping? How are all of these questions going to be answered before the story’s up?
I rly don’t and shouldn’t expect conclusive answers for most of those questions. It’s just that I wish this fic was longer and larger in order to be more detailed. I wish this fic was the real deal. I wish you were Kubo’s conscience. I can’t tell you without physically crippling you how much I wish your fics actually happened in Bleach. I’d love to read about them manga-style. And I’d love to see them develop more. But I guess it’s good that you cut the conclusion off while we still want more. If you keep writing ‘til we tire of it, then all we’d be left with is apathy and a little disappointment rather than rapid heart beats and the greed for more. But still…I’d rly like to know more… Especially about this fic, since all of the characters’ roles are so transformed that I can’t properly imagine the kind of relationships they would’ve formed under these conditions. Rly, what is Ichigo like as Hitsugaya’s underling? What are all of Hitsugaya’s subordinates like? I mean, I can imagine Rukia’s obedience to Hitsugaya, but the others? Again, their roles are so far removed from what they had in Bleach that I rly can’t imagine them following Hitsugaya the way normal ppl would follow a prince. I don’t wanna imagine. I wish to be shown. ‘Cause if I wanted to imagine, I’d write my own friggin’ fic.
So…yeah. You’re definitely one of my favorite authors of fanfic acro
| toPod chapter 16 . 7/8/2012
Okay, so it appears that my review exceeds the word limit on fanfiction reviews, so I'm continuing it here. Read each review in backwards order from now on. I think even two may not be enough, so don't be confused. Meh, you're smart enough to figure it out.
(The good thing about this annoying dilemma is that I realized I didn't log in for part 1. So...hi, there! It's me. Haha. Promised you this review, so enjoy!
would’ve been in Bleach because in Bleach, her devotion leaned more toward her Captain. In this fic, she lacks that priority, so you’ve made a good call in making her seem extra-devoted. But then you reincorporate that aspect by introducing the Prince. So now, we see a transformation back to true canon Matsumoto, where her heart is torn between Gin and Toushiro. This makes me twitch (not literally, thank goodness). Kubo never went into this controversy at all. Though many fics attempt and sometimes succeed in depicting what choice Matsumoto would’ve made and her emotions throughout that decision, I’d like to see it here, because this takes it from the very beginning. Kubo (and most fics) start the decision-making process at Gin vs. Toushiro. In this fic, it starts at just Gin, so we see how strongly she cares for him before she had to split that affection. We can witness the entirety of Matsumoto’s struggle, especially at the moment when she realizes who she truly wants to choose. Kubo never really made that comparison of pre- and post-Hitsugaya. That’s big. Sure, we saw touchy flashbacks about Matsumoto and Gin in Bleach, but they only explain their relationship and past; they fail to portray how hard Matsumoto would’ve fought for Gin if she’d had the chance. Once we know how hard, we’d realize just how much Matsumoto cared for Gin, so consequently, we’d realize how much more Matsumoto must care for Hitsugaya, if she’d choose him over Gin. It’s a complicated matter that couldn’t be addressed unless it’s part of the main storyline, so while it missed that chance in Bleach, it might get a second chance here.
Now more about Matsumoto. I like the rate at which she warmed up to Yamada and Hitsugaya. The starting point of that development is triggered by Hitsugaya and Yamada’s display of skill and usefulness. That’s a good call. It wouldn’t make sense if Matsumoto began treating them as humans for any more of a reason. It was with action, not some sappy, unbelievable words-perform-miracles stunt that earned her respect, and it was out of necessity, not fuzzy feelings, that she tolerated their activities so close to her that she becomes vulnerable to their humanity. From there, it’s just been a roller coaster ride of ups and no downs. I love the Never Have I Ever game. It timely creates an opening in the cold defenses of the captors and the captured. It seemed so natural for the crew and hostages to relax around each other that I didn’t even notice how rapidly sentiments were already developing. It was a fun read, btw. The sex bunny thing is hilarious. I cannot believe that Yamada and Hitsugaya could be so scandalous and still be IC. And LOL Hitsugaya is a friggin’ manwhore, isn’t he. Geez, I can’t stop laughing on the inside. It was so funny, the way you wrote it. How they were all shouting out sex scenarios and Hitsugaya had just chugged it all down.
I love, love, love Matsumoto and Hitsugaya’s interactions. They are so brilliant and canon. Their dialogue is so intelligent, witty, and full of chemistry. And the “mature” chapter? I loved it. It was appropriately detailed for this audience. We’re not reading this for sex scenes; we’re reading this for the evolving relationships and internal conflicts. In most fics that sets Hitsugaya and Matsumoto as a couple and attempts to write them as lovers, the ambiance is tense. Hitsugaya might be flustered, or Matsumoto is extra whiny or cutetsy. In either cases, we see expected and forgivable cases of OOC. But not here. Both of them remained true to their dignified selves and, again with the wit, lead each other home on a road of sexual curiosity and playful tension. I enjoy reading a portrayal of Hitsugaya as a mature, experienced young man rather than a flushed, uncertain child deprived of sex ed. I mean, he’s a captain, for crying out loud. His awareness of the world should extend to at least this point. And of course, Matsumoto always knows what she’s doing, but here she isn’t forceful or obnoxiously horny. She knows she’s hot and is willing to trade a taste, simple as that. The lead up to physical contact is so thoughtful. The verbal exchange was so deep and personal that as a reader, I felt intrusive. The confessions Matsumoto made about her doubts and her observation of Hitsugaya’s ghosts made this more than just unadulterated fun. And the scar on her scalp. Sigh. It’s a shame, really, and I wonder about the backstory behind it. I have to admit, Matsumoto was right about wanting to laugh and cry simultaneously at Hitsugaya’s words. This is part of what I’d meant when I said that they have good dialogue. This is like the third time that Hitsugaya’s voiced something so profound that I mirrored Matsumoto’s reactions. It takes skill on the writer’s part to compose both a powerful line and a relatable response to it. I can’t believe the amount of intellectual elements you’ve woven into what would have been pure, mindless banging. This is the stuff I wish I could see more of.
And the final part was amazing. You made it flow well. Hitsugaya’s conversion from restrained desire to liberated lust didn’t seem uncalled for. It was an eye-opener when he admitted that he liked being so trusted by her, that it made him feel special. And then the climax of flashbacks. You handled that like a pro. It was perfect. Reading up to it, I was happy and excited for them. When I read Matsumoto’s whisper, I silently aww’d. And then Aizen’s voice crushes my eye sockets. I literally heard his voice echo when I read the italicized text. Hitsugaya’s actions as he remembered every sentence amplified the effect. I was really sad but fascinated by the end.
I read that you’d like some feedback on this scene. I’ve told you how I felt about the emotional side, but that’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the physical descriptions either. When authors warn of mature content, I expect the usual moans and humps and hitching and screaming. It gets old, and I really don’t like receiving such drastic and specific imagery anyways. I mostly skip those scenes every time I see them coming at me in all their glorious and sweaty madness. So the fact that I not only tolerated but enjoyed your version speaks of its novelty. I’ve never seen the adjectives and verbs utilized in your narration used anywhere else. The way you described breasts, for example, was not only inventive but also mature and sophisticated, all the while still being…sexy. The words you use and the way you use them aids in setting this scene apart from others of the like. You’ve transformed what most write as a filthy, uncultured act of animalistic nature into a refined version that, in my opinion, serves to commute human loving more vividly and accurately. The love that I see Matsumoto and Hitsugaya share is one that is better than just fulfilling the demands of accumulated lust, and while the emotional dialogue pushes that point, the fine-tuned narration around it helps drive it home.
So…on to the most difficult task of this review. I hope I can keep it as short as his stature. Hitsugaya is really easy to write if you’re intelligent and clever and articulate. As a prodigy, he is supposed to be all of these things, but most people push him around a bit too much without letting him bite back. He’s a dragon, dang it. A dragon with teeth. He’s fierce and cold and pokerfaced with a sliver of warmth if you squint. But you obviously know that. I’ve already talked so much around him that I don’t know how to talk of him. I just know I rly, rly like the way you write him. His words, actions, experiences, friendships, emotions, struggles, etc. I like every aspect of the Hitsugaya you’ve created in this fic. It’s my favorite part of this story. I don’t know what else I can say. Though I elaborate extensively on my enjoyment of other aspects of the story, I simply can’t communicate how much I love this part even more.
This story has so much suspense. What the heck, Windy? What. The. Heck. You’re incredibly talented at disclosing perfect and frustrating details at just the right moments so that those details don’t seem so frustrating until we catch the hint. The thing with Hanatorou and Hitsugaya not addressing each other by rank. Srsly, I actually bought that they rly just didn’t want rank to get in the way instead of maybe the little sneaks were trying to switch places. But you know what, I think I believed Yamada’s rant because you’ve conveniently made it true or at least highly likely. Of course, a fic would make things sappy and romantic and have characters be oh-so close that they treat each other like family. I guess what I mean is that the whole, “We’ve been through so much together that I feel like were more like friends than prince and property,” thing is so normal in stories that it’d make a great, deceitful explanation for why Hitsugaya doesn’t call Yamada a prince. But at the same time, maybe it’s not a deceitful explanation. Maybe it’s actually true for them. Either way, you’ve used this to delay suspicions on why Hitsugaya acts more royal/rude than Yamada, and this delay was successful on both Matsumoto and the audience. And more hints: the calluses, the scars, the nightmares. They make me wanna beg you for details. And then Isshin. My gosh, it was a minor twist that made for a major attention grabber when Isshin welcomes Hitsugaya so warmly. And then came another clue when one of the Loyals almost called Hitsugaya a prince. It kinda gave it away, but considering how strongly you’ve hinted at it already, what with Urahara’s suspicion
| Guest chapter 16 . 7/7/2012
Oh, my dear, sweet Windy-chan. You make me want to bash my face into reflective surfaces until I bleed something besides tears at your hiatus. Not in a good way. The painful suspense you put me through is cruel, you hear me? CRUEL!
I’ll have you know that this fic is in my top five favs of all time. And I can’t just have you abandoning it at such a critical turn of events.
So what I like about this fic… The many characters you’ve ingeniously incorporated. The ICness of them all. The idea and what you’ve done with it. The twists and hints that leave me yearning to be proven right or wrong, if not completely off the mark.
First, let me congratulate you on your mastery of the most neglected character in Bleach fanfic: pathetic, little Hanatorou. (Okay, maybe Kon would need some attention too if he weren’t too disgusting for ppl to wanna see more of.) I’m really shocked by Yamada’s position in a main character’s shoes and even more so by the fact that he seems to belong there. The little terd actually pulled it off. Or rather, you’ve pulled it off. Yamada fits into this role perfectly. How did you even think of using him?
His personality is the perfect foil of Hitsugaya, and really, I can’t think of another Bleach character better suited to this function in terms of this fic specifically. Hitsugaya has plenty of foils, but here, you’ve created a literary effect I cannot even put into words because…it’s friggin’ Yamada. Who uses Yamada? Who can actually write the boy in a way that does him justice without straying from his true personality? What I mean is…I actually like Yamada. Not just, “Oh, he healed someone. Good job on not being useless,” but actually, “Omgosh, did Yamada just do that? I’m so proud of him! He’s finally reaching his full potential!” That’s the thing. Yamada’s victim to the side-characters-must-get-in-line-for-what-little-character-development-the-author-can-afford-to-bs phenomenon. It’s not Kubo’s fault that Yamada’s still a wimpy piece of sadness in Bleach. If he took time to work on every character, Bleach would be ten times longer and twenty times more boring. But that’s why you’re here, isn’t it, savior of the punies? You’re here to help little Yamada reach the full potential Kubo isn’t revealing.
I can’t explain how happy I was to see him stand up for or against Hitsugaya. This fic plotted his growth from an abused puppy to a tougher but still loving individual very well. At first, he let Hitsugaya do whatever and followed his every order like no one could plan it better. Then, he actually started questioning Hitsugaya’s intentions and their consequences. He actually moved to stop Hitsugaya from tossing Matsumoto and the crew under the bus. I mean, he got punched for it, and he really couldn’t stop Hitsugaya from going to Matsumoto’s cabin to be purposely seduced, but the fact is that he tried. And of course, when he helped Hitsugaya afterwards with his panic episode, I just had to smile. He’s the same Hanatorou—just with bigger balls. Bigger balls than I’ve ever seen on him. Figuratively. (And I just wanna repeat…Yamada? Rly? I can’t believe you used him. I can’t believe it works.)
I love his relationship with Hitsugaya. I mean, Toushiro needs a close friend in every fic, and aside from the obvious choices (Matsumoto, Hyourinmaru, any Kurosaki, maybe Hinamori…though this one’s kinda one-sided), you could’ve used anyone but Yamada. (Honestly, I think even Kubo has forgotten that the kid still exists.) But Yamada makes for such a good friend that it surprises me to acknowledge him like that. He is so, so loyal. And concerned. The way he insists that Hitsugaya is a good guy, the way he seems slightly protective of him when he’s sleeping, the way he abandons Hitsugaya’s plan when Yoruichi reminds him of how much Hitsugaya is giving up by following this plan… I still can’t believe it’s Yamada. I honestly—honestly—had to look him up in Google images when I first read his name ‘cause I didn’t know if he was a Bleach character or your OC.
I love what you’ve done with the place. This AU is so awesome. First of all, pirates? What? But this world fits so well into what Bleach offers. The setting has changed, but everything blends well into their canon designations (the locations, the characters).
I must talk about how you’ve manipulated the characters to suit your fic. They’ve all changed somehow, mainly due to the changes in rank. Rangiku is now commander of most of the Captains, which is really strange. Yet it seems so natural in this fic. First, I like how most of the characters are used. Zaraki is still hilarious and monstrous but somehow seems to stay IC even while obeying Rangiku. Kisuke and Yoruichi as intelligence gatherers is a brilliant move on ur part, ‘cause they’re perfect for the part. And I like how they’re still sneaky and untrustworthy, so they earn their keep by compensating for the sketchiness with competence. You can’t live with them, you can’t have a easy time living without them. It’s how it’s been and how it should always be. Hisagi and Kira and the other powerful side characters are a good touch. Adding notable names to the crew list helps The Narcissus live up to the fame it flaunts in ur fic. Plus they’re good for quotes and epiphanies.
Unohana’s role is easier to remake. Of course, every ship needs a doctor, so yeah, there she is. However, the fact that this complements Yamada’s situation so well is worthy of applause. In Bleach, Unohana looks after him a bit, so I like how that carried over to this fic. Since this AU drastically remodeled everything, any parallels you can draw between Bleach and fanfic helps suspend disbelief in terms of ICness. And you’ve done enough of that here. Karin and Yuzu are a good example of this. Of course, Yuzu would go off for her own clinic. And no duh, Karin would protect her. It fits so well. I like that you didn’t forget these guys. Details like these help to expand the world you’ve written (same goes for Ishida and co.). Isshin is another example of the drawing parallels thing. He makes the perfect conspirator/doctor. And Ichigo makes the perfect stupid-and-obvious rebel against corruption. Both of these guys fit their canon roles well. I do hope to see a lot more of them. At least Ichigo, if there’s no time. I also loved Jibanbou’s little appearance. He’s such a warm, friendly giant, and the regard he has for Hitsugaya makes me smile.
Byakuya and Renji have surprised me the most in terms of changes. I mean, Renji worships Byakuya in Bleach, and here he refers to him as, “Kuchiki.” Whaaaaa? Yet there’s still this air of respect that Renji bears for Byakuya that sings of their Bleach roles. From what I’ve read, it seems that Renji still follows Byakuya around, so that links them back to their Captain and VC positions. It didn’t poke me the wrong way when I’d first read their interactions, so they’re obviously IC.
Now, Aizen. Mannnn, oh, man. I wanna see him in action. A heartless puppet master? Sounds right. A smiley snob with a God-complex? Hecks yeah. A wife-beater? Uh…
Okay, so he doesn’t beat his wife (who the heck…). But domestic abuse is apparently still on the list. That’s a new low, even for him. Aizen’s evil, but in a dignified, twisted, ingenious non-barbaric way. He’s not violent for the sake of violence but for the sake of the goal. What’s his goal here? I can’t see Aizen as a plainly physically abusive person because he’s just too sadistic for that, so when I got the feeling that Aizen was supposed to be Yamada or Hitsugaya’s drunken baby daddy, I was worried that that was all there’d be. But, of course, you were ahead of me. I enjoyed reading Hitsugaya’s nightmare. It demonstrated the depth of motives and sadism that went into Aizen’s every move. That’s how I like it. He’s got Hitsugaya more screwed up mentally than physically. When Hitsugaya had that awful flashback when he was about to seal the deal with Matsumoto, I was awed by how deeply Aizen did his work. It’s amazing. Hitsugaya is messed up. And when he had the fit in the supply room soon after, I just felt more and more satisfied. I love Aizen’s character, and he’s been used correctly here. I can’t wait to see more, especially where Hitsugaya is concerned. Now that the boy’s possibly sold his soul to the devil, he’s probably in for a whole lotta suck. And if he hasn’t signed the contract yet, there’s obviously still damage to be manifested. This whole thing is quite interesting. It makes me wonder who the other five kiddies are, and if Aizen has been just as kind to them.
I’m a little confused about Gin. I mean, his alliance with Aizen is to be expected, but I think you did some editing? The first time I read your fic, I swear I read something about keys and Gin having one of them and Aizen needing it. I thought Gin was jailed and being questioned, and I remember getting the vibe that Gin was actually against Aizen. So…did that get taken out?
Okay, moving on to the second most difficult aspect for me to review. I just have so much to say about Matsumoto. I LOVE her. She’s awesome in Bleach, and she’s awesome here. Here, you’ve harmonized leadership and childhood. Matsumoto is full of gusto and authority, yet she’s still her old self. And her devotion to Ichimaru is also extremely canon. Actually, it’s a bit more powerful than canon, yet it’s not OOC, considering the somewhat different circumstances in this fic. This is probably what would’ve happened if Kubo had decided to go into the issue of Ichimaru’s betrayal and its effect on Matsumoto. Except this scenario removes the variable of Hitsugaya being her Captain and anchor. But then it adds that variable back. Do you get what I mean? In Bleach, Matsumoto was obsessed with Gin and his actions. In your fic, she’s even more obsessed. So you’ve gone deeper into the extent of that obsession than Kubo ever ventured, but you wrote her as a far more objective and narrow-minded Gin-follower than she