|Reviews for Where in the Bloody Deepest Depths of Hades Are We|
| Glory Bee chapter 9 . 6/14/2012
I appreciate your author's note for an unusual reason. Another fic I was reading had the acronym SCA and I could not figure out what it stood for and I asked the author who of course never got back to me so I am pleased to finally understand it.
| For love of Sunflowers chapter 5 . 8/30/2007
i love it!
| jules14 chapter 7 . 8/27/2007
Boy, I love the title. It's just so indicative of the great epic tale that is Tolkien's work.
And I adore your heroines. Color-changing eyes, carrying swords at high school, the preposterous names...pure Mary-Sue material. I love them so much I want to have them raped and then beaten to death by orcs in the next chapter. Can you do that for me, please?
Wonderful troll. I think it's great that some people, because of their pathetic lack of a social life and other hobbies, actually get some joy out of posting crap on the site for attention.
Keep up the good-or should I say mind-numbingly awful?-work.
| Guest chapter 4 . 8/27/2007
oh my GOD
i just threw up in my mouth
BLACK AND SILVER HAIR. what is she, a panther on crack? green eyes that change red? methinks it was the heroine OD. Talon. like rawr im a bird.
BRILLIANT. she speaks ELVISH. and no way, they have the phrase 'like hell you do' in elvish.
let me go gouge out my eyes with some talons or something
| lostheart480 chapter 5 . 8/13/2007
I don't see the problem really. A lot people have Mary Sue stories, but it's just part of the human nature, for most of us that is.
I personally, liked it. It was really good, and i like the fact that your charactor isn't doing this alone, she has a an awsome friend with her.
Your plot is good, you have a few gramical errors and spelling mistakes, but they can always be fixed and their really nothing to write two-to-five paragraphs about.
In all, it's actually quite good, except for the fact that their so short. You have to make them longer, just because i want to read more! :D
| The Queen of Confusion chapter 5 . 8/7/2007
Great chapter. Hope to see more soon.
| The Queen of Confusion chapter 4 . 8/5/2007
Good chapter. Hope to see more soon.
| Cranberry Window chapter 2 . 8/4/2007
Use proper grammar.
“Because, my dear friend…YOU WALK TO FREAKING QUIETLY!”
'To' should only be used when heading in a direction. 'Too' is used when there is 'too' much of something. They teach this stuff in third grade, where were you then?
You never use 5:00. 5 o'clock is better looking and, frankly, more correct.
Apparently your other charcter is also a Sue. Tsk, tsk. Try getting a litmus test done as well, if what I say doesn't get to you.
| Cranberry Window chapter 1 . 8/4/2007
Alright, I have taken it upon myself to show you exactly where you need help in.
You have a really bad case of Mary Sues. I realize that others have told you this before, but it is apparent you're not getting the message.
A Mary Sue is usually an original character that tends to be the darling of all the characters or is feared by all the villains. The definition of one is a character (this includes canon) whose good faults outnumber their bad ones (or have no real faults and are just perfect).
They are often described with outlandish appearances that are extremely rare or non-existent in the world/canon. Many times, they have powers such as shapeshifting, etc. but have no limiters on how often or how well they can use those talents.
Your characters are normal humans at first, correct? So, then why does your character 'Talon' have color changing eyes? Assuming she ends up being an elf (which do not have that characteristic either) or is still a human, how is this explained? Why does she have eyes that change color when it is physically impossible to do so in either race?
Secondly, she carries a sword ON HER WAY AROUND THE TOWN. How does this make any sense? For one, that's illegal. If a cop found out she possessed a sword with no license and was walking with it around town she could very well be arrested. For two, why on earth would she (given reason #1)? For three, why would the jocks bother her if she was walking around town CARRYING A SWORD? She could chop them up, for God's sake!
You seem to obsess over her appearance. It's ridiculous. And, your character seems to be a self-insert as well as a Sue. Your character's name is Talon and your pen name is 'Lady Talons'. Hm...what a coincidence! Added to that, she dresses the same way as you and possesses swords like you do.
Self-inserts are not the way to go. They tell the reader that the writer is more obsessed with boosting her ego with a character that she wishes she could be rather than working on her own writing. This garners very little respect from the writing community at large.
Frankly, you're character is extremely Sue-ish. Where are her personality faults? Where are her physical faults? No one is perfect, so why on earth is she?
| The Queen of Confusion chapter 3 . 8/3/2007
Great chapter! Hope to see more soon!
| The Vendetta chapter 2 . 8/3/2007
Again, the descriptions of clothing common in Mary Sue stories/parodies.
The thing about color-changing eyes: You realize that this is one of the most irritating and cliche aspects of Mary-Sues and if you include them in your story, you're going to lose a whole lot of potential respect.
| The Vendetta chapter 1 . 8/3/2007
This is a Mary Sue parody, right?
-Excessive clothes descriptions
-Ideal person description
and my personal favorite...
| Avalon's mists chapter 2 . 8/1/2007
Dresses like me... thats the story.
| The Queen of Confusion chapter 2 . 8/1/2007
Oh what did they see? Great chapter! Hope to see more soon!
| Haldaraina chapter 1 . 8/1/2007
I am in pain reading this...never have I seen the English language massacred as much as in your story. If you like and want to write, PLEASE find someone to help you.