|Reviews for Every Fear I Swallow Makes Me Whole|
| just slummin chapter 2 . 8/17/2007
"Geesh, are my lips moving?"-For some reason, I just loved that line!
| wyntertwilight chapter 1 . 8/10/2007
Hahaha, very intriguing start so far. Loved Jayne, he was really funny, and I think you've got a good grasp of the character voices, even at this early stage. I also liked the fact that Zoe cheered up a bit at the juvenile staring competition between River and Jayne :-)
I'm interested in where this will be going!
| JediJayne chapter 1 . 7/31/2007
I agree. This is a good start. I like that to a good degree you seem to have a good grasp on the voices of the characters. They don't seem shockingly different from the ones that we all know and love.
I would probably use a dash (or em dash) instead of an ellipsis (...) to indicate a person coming to an abrupt stop, such as when Mal & Inara talk over each other.
Keep up the good work!
| just slummin chapter 1 . 7/31/2007
Very promising start. I loved how Jayne called River to the table. Made me laugh out loud, thereby causing my co-workers to think I am losing it! I look forward to more.