Reviews for Ocarina
Kouta Aburame chapter 4 . 1/12/2008
Very well written, I can see you at the college level.

Your plot and discriptions are very good. It moves along well but you seem to overemphisis points in places. Here's an example.

"Navi had only ever read of such creatures. This was a “ghoma.” Navi had only ever read of it in ancient scriptures."

You said she only read about them in two seperate sentences. You should reword it to fix this redundant point.

Either way, this is truly a great work. Keep writing, I'll be watching.

I hope you can read my story "The Passage of Time" and leave a review. I would greatly appreciate your time and attention.


Kouta Aburame
merlyn1382 chapter 4 . 1/12/2008
cool i like