|Reviews for Idyllic Dystopia|
| stef chapter 16 . 11/22/2014
I like it. Your grammar and sentence structure improve as the story progresses as well.
| DaBusDriva58 chapter 20 . 7/27/2014
I apologize for nothing. Act 1 truly was worthless. But the second halve really had me intrigued.
Act 2: My after thoughts:
I'm an idiot and it took me a while to realize that Tennis literally was a metaphor for his life. Was he going to keep doing what he loves even if he knows that he'll never be able to make it to the top? What's important in life? But let's take a closer look at how this was executed.
Fuji was the one chosen to bust his balls. And personally I'm not sure if this was the right decision or not.
This was his character turning item. Shouldn't that have been his love for Keigo? But I guess that ultimately was in the end so it works. You pulled the twist off very well without it seeming forced.
I also found the character revelation a tad confused. I mean I thought he was supposed to step away for Tennis and look at other aspects of his life. Which was Keigo right. But he just sort of concluded on powering on despite his health. None of this actually connected to the new found love at all.
Fuji said deal with it. He did. Became a coach and that's it. I never connected.
That's my only real complaint about Act 2. The rest of it was just dynamite and very cute.
I hope you finish more of your chapter stories in the future.
| DaBusDriva58 chapter 12 . 7/25/2014
Well, I like this story overall, but it has some over-arching flaw with the first Act (1-11).
No subplots. No foreshadowing (Besides a vague obituary). No build up romance or connection.
Just a straight forward mystery focused on one disappointing twist. Mind you, this story is well written, and never loses interest, but rather the problem lies in Ryoma's character. The problem is that he's IN character, and as prideful as ever . Which I imagine is hard to write around. I see two ways to improve the first act:
A) Condense it to 3 chapters and revealed the twist earlier right after the introduction.
B) Make the mystery element one-sided, but tell the audience. Put the focus on Ryoma's inner conflict while his friends try to figure out the mystery, as he struggles to find the will to tell them the truth. I mean, half of the act is just Ryoma moping around. Needless fat. All of which could be cut right out. Here's a parody summary of what happened instead:
[Ryoma leaves] DUN DUN DUN
Atobe: Wait, no, he's back!
Momo: He's Back!
Atobe/ Momo: What's wrong with you.
Ryoma: Well you see the thing is... i have to go.
I'm tired. [sleep] (obvious shell of what he used to be)
Mom: My son is a shell of what he used to be.
Fiji: I do things in this story too.
Regulars: He's back
Ryoma: I am. And I'm not playing tennis either. Bye.
Cousin: My cousin is a shell of what he used to be.
Ryoma: I'm depressed. :( But i won't admit it. :/
Atobe/ Figi: What's wrong with you?
Ryoma: Well you see the thing is... I got to go.
I'M A CRIPPLE NOW! (cue romance, inner conflict, and plot)
Frankly, I think your writing shine in that you made this readable.
| Millenium Snow chapter 20 . 6/17/2014
That was the best 30 minutes of my life TT I'm so sad nowwwww
| T-O-W chapter 8 . 4/22/2014
Been a while since I have read this fic, just the fact that i have been looking for it as well. XD Just to make a note to the author that Atobe is fluent in English as he grew up in England, this is a fact.
| Kurogawa Yuki chapter 1 . 12/29/2013
Umm... hello i couldn't find the way to send you a pm so I'm using the review xD I'd like your permission to translate this story, giving you the corresponding credits of course. I relly like this story! please send me a pm :D i'll be waiting
| Kagehana.Tsukio chapter 14 . 11/12/2013
Great chapter! But one thing, if Ryoma lived in America, shouldn't he know how to speak and read English?
| melmel12129 chapter 20 . 6/13/2013
Great story. Loved it. For me, it was my first time reading a chaptered Royal Pair story - I usually stick to Thrill Pair only. It broke my heart when Ryoma rejected Fuji, but I suppose that Ryoma had to somehow end up with Atobe.
| Amaryllis D. Namikaze chapter 20 . 5/8/2013
It was a good story. I really liked the start, but, in the end, it seemed that some 'pieces' were missing - like, did the Seigaku team ever discovered about Ryoma's problem? Or how much time did Atobe spent in coma? Did Ryoma get as better as he was, at least to some extent? What was everybody's reaction to the accident (both of them)? But, all in all, it was a good story.
| rf chapter 20 . 4/3/2013
an extension? please?
| PoCkieLovAh chapter 17 . 4/3/2013
this is so beautiful!
| depressed-aggressive-unicorn chapter 20 . 7/12/2012
You broke my heart you know that? I swear I'm a masochist ...
This was an amazing story well written and expressive. You seem to have a natural ability for tearing out peoples souls and beating them over the head with it. Congratulations. This story is one that will haunt me until the day I die. In a good way.
Congratulations once more,
| Guest chapter 5 . 7/1/2012
Sorry: Dear awintea!
But nonetheless, great title!
An anonymous guest
| Guest chapter 5 . 7/1/2012
Dear Idyllic Dystopia (great name),
Concerning your story until here:
I have to say I liked the beginning with Atobe and Ryoma 's first meeting and I laughed hardly! when you wrote about why Atobe is rich! xD Atobe-company!
What I'm missing are details which would make your story more characteristic and interesting. More character descriptions. I think that is always the main point, because these things distinguish your story/interpretation from others.
However, wish u a good evening, or whatever!
An anonymous guest
| KitsuneNaru chapter 4 . 5/15/2012
lol. atobe's always interrupted.