|Reviews for Vermilion Scar|
| Aikido Kasshin Ryu chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
Hmm...a rivalry between Anna and Lili? Well that's a first. So far this story is really good. I hope to see more of it.
| Vanessa Dragunova chapter 3 . 6/12/2009
Anna and Lili? This was quiet original, in particular Lili's past life.
You wrote as all the characters themselves in the ffic, and their descriptions are beautiful
The ending, very wonderful by the way, is still unfinished. I mean there's room for a sequel.
| Salysha chapter 3 . 9/27/2008
Good chapter with beautiful writing and descriptions of events. The AU background story for Anna and Lili was captivating!
To revise: there were quite a few tense shifts in this chapter. The verbs in the present tense should be in the past tense. They are easy enough to correct with the replace chapter feature (Stories - Edit - Content/Chapters - Replace Chapter) and you won't lose reviews. Perhaps you could do this at least by the next update, which I hope will be soon.
A little heads-up on dialogue: use a comma before the closing quotation mark and a small first letter for the verb or noun that comes after the quote. For instance:
“She killed him!” the little girl wailed in reply.
“Sorry, Rochefort, nothing personal,” a familiar voice replied.
Overall, I enjoyed the apt word choices, fluent narration, and novel take on different characters. Looks like a great story to tell, and I hope you continue. :)
| Salysha chapter 2 . 9/27/2008
Steve was great at the start: loud, proud, and drunk!
Anna having two guns was a spot-on solution: it's plausible, as an assassin should be prepared. The black and the white gun contrasted each other nicely, and Anna is one to strive for elegance. Strangely, so is Lili, although that must be the only trait the two share.
I noticed you were a little heavy on the use of the semi-colon (;). Outside composing lists, it is used to tie the sentences more closely together when a separate them too much. It is best used sparingly and to connect complete sentences only, so best cut down its use and consider using other means to tie clauses together. Depending on the case, words like "nor" and "who" and "which" may work. :)
| Salysha chapter 1 . 9/27/2008
That was a flying start, very exciting! Anna's introduction to the scene was set nicely and had an agent movie -like mood to it. Very nice.
Absolute favorite line: "So... I figured… why not just have him pay for it with his life?" Ah, evil. Again, I get sidetracked, but I keep thinking of Number One from James Bond; the one with the angora cat, who had a diamond collar. He's a chilly character, as is Mr. Kelevra here. Mr. Kelevra? That's definitely an original villain name there.
Anna negotiating herself "double or nothing" was an elegant, befitting touch. Reading on. :)
| mirrors of illusion chapter 3 . 6/19/2008
Talk about not having to update in a long time, hm?
I like this chapter, and how it goes back to the past..
It's a really nice idea.. Nicely done.
Hope to see the next chapter w
| Divinely Ethereal chapter 3 . 6/15/2008
Hiya, sorry for the delay!
Little Lily sure is cute, and I feel awfully sorry that she had to witness her father's death. I'm curious to know what he'd done to deserve it. Anna sort of freaks me out; I mean, she cruelly broke a little girl's arm( yeah, never mind that Lily injured her with the letter opener; I'm sure Anna's used to far worse injuries.)
You kinda jumbled your tenses, but good update nevertheless.
| Thunderxtw chapter 3 . 6/9/2008
About time I got around to reading this.
Damn. That was quite a suspenseful chapter. lol. I like Anna assuming the guise of someone she isn't. A really opportunist kind of individual.
I also like how you made Anna justify killing Lili's father for the "evil" he has done. She could have just killed Lili too, but spared her for her youth and innocence. Sad how Lili had to see her father die like that.
Again, quite a number of tense shifts plagued this chapter. Since you were using past tense, a lot of "Is's" should have been "was's."
[Her face is covered]
[Her face was covered]
[Even from the girl's eyes, the woman seems different from the others]
[Even from the girl's eyes, the woman seemed different from the others]
[That man has done so many evil things]
[That man had done so many evil things]
[It is a beautiful day]
[It was a beautiful day]
I'm sure you get it. Hope another update's not too far away. Talk to ya later ;)
| whitewave16 chapter 3 . 6/6/2008
Hi Miss Siela! Thanks for updating. I liked this "prequel" chapter and I'm very excited at the action scenes that all the angst between Anna and Lilli seem to be leading to. The best part here is Lilli's little reminder to Anna.
| mirrors of illusion chapter 2 . 11/30/2007
I'm sorry I didn;t review as early. D:
I liked how you set up Lili's story
How she wanted vengance from Anna.
I like the action part.
Easy to picture.
I think this is well written and well...
| Thunderxtw chapter 2 . 10/13/2007
Hey Siela. Sorry for my late reply. Every time I try to get to this story, I get sidetracked. Moving right along, I had checked this story earlier but didn't have time to comment on it. Nice to see you finally got a chance to update, btw.
Bitchy Anna. Gotta love her XD
Interesting dynamic between her and Lili. I like to see how that turns out. Steve's found Lili, so what's next?
Some tense shifts creeped in here and there. A lot of "is's" should have been "was" and the "has" should have been had. More over, some Point of view shifts were present too.
With that aside, loved the chapter. Please continue. :)
| Divinely Ethereal chapter 2 . 10/5/2007
Long time no update!
This was a great chapter; the fight scene, and Lili's vendetta against Anna( Anna actually killed Lili's father?How callous!), they were all brilliant.
Steve struck me as a bit... out of character; I wouldn't have expected him to want the number of every girl he met; that's just too Hwoarang-ish, but it's your fic...
On the down side, some of your tenses were a bit messed. Oh, and I think it's a good idea if you enable Anonymous Reviews.
| whitewave16 chapter 2 . 10/4/2007
Hey Miss Siela,
Thanks for updating! I liked the action in this chapter-it's like a taste of what's to come.
I'm glad that Steve and Lilli were able to "meet"-will they be each other's love interests? You don't have to answer that-I'm thinking . What role will Steve play in the story I wonder...
I'm intrigued by what happened in Anna and Lilli's past. Will you be giving us more backstory?
Looking forward to your next chapter.
| mirrors of illusion chapter 1 . 8/15/2007
Haven't read your fanfics in awhile..
This looks like it's going to be a good fanfic..
Hope to read more on this!
| Divinely Ethereal chapter 1 . 8/5/2007
Save for minor errors, this was quite good. Those gangsters think Steve's stupid? Guess they don't know he's an Oxford graduate then. And what's Anna gotta do, try to stab him in the back with a knife like the regular cliche of the vengeful woman with a broken heart?
When you have the time, look up my own action story (Strong&Streetwise), and tell me what you think in your own review;
you owe me that:D