|Reviews for Salty Eyes|
| Jaricchi chapter 1 . 5/20/2014
I completely agree! Thank you so much for sharing! :)
| Halloween567 chapter 1 . 9/3/2011
I love this so much.
| Himitsu Miko chapter 1 . 4/7/2010
was good. and i can see the prequel-ness of it. poor vaan though, serious, i wouldda killed someone if they were doing that to me, frikken sexual assault is what that is XD
good job though
| Raevn Wings chapter 1 . 1/21/2009
...Woww... x3 Hot! Although Balthier was quite off character, it was worth it in the end.
DAMN that was hot! xD
| oblivion's pen chapter 1 . 9/7/2008
Virgin!Vaan is fucking adorable.
I have nothing else to say.
| Author Demon chapter 1 . 7/18/2008
This was...whoa. O.o YOU are an awesome author. Actually, you kinda remind me of another authoress and my own type of voice in your writing. It is very cool. Kinda...Buffy-esque? -shrug-
Anyways, this was awesome on a whole other level of awesome. :D I totally love it.
| 594229 chapter 1 . 6/18/2008
"A small, albeit important part of him is screaming for him to stop this. And then the hormonal teenager in him is saying fuck yes."
And that, is about how it usually goes. XD.
| Vulpine Ninja chapter 1 . 4/11/2008
i've been reading about 'innocent' and 'curious' Vaan, but this Vaan can really protest, but in the end submit himself to Balthier. good work~!
| Effective Immediately chapter 1 . 3/20/2008
I've got a better idea, MigeloBangaaOfRabanastre. How about you create an account here, and fight your own battle? Why should I have to go through your friends to get to you? Are you scared? I can't beat you up via internet, promise.
Expressing an opinion! You deliberately told her/him to write a story based on another pairing! You didn't even ask her/him! An opinion would have been "I prefer this other pairing." Like you did on here.
Just because I haven't written anything doesn't mean I can't spot good writing or write well. I happen to read quite a bit thank you very much. Just because someone writes doesn't mean they're good at it! So please take that tired excuse and shove it. While you're at it look up Ebert's law.
Now once you grow a backbone, pm me.
On another note, I am so sorry Selphiebunny. Feel free to curse me out for the above.
Um, you have a few mistakes here and there, nothing a proofread can't catch. Personally I think you rely a bit too heavily on dailogue and action, I'd suggest fleshing out the scene somewhat with more description and less prose. Even though you told us where they are it still seems as if they're in empty space. So far it has a he did, she die feel to it.
As for the sex scene. First times for guys don't always hurt, it depends on the top lover. There are plenty of factors that affect the outcome, ex: Prep, size, position, whether or not they use lube, how trusting the bottom is of the top and how relaxed he is. Though personally I love how you handled Vaan's insecurity for his first time.
Then of course there's the lack of foreplay, have fun with them! There's more to sex than penetration. And there are a lot of body parts that get shunned in fic like hands, feet, hair, eyes, you get my drift. The possibiltys are endless, and one can get so creative. Foreplay equals fun. Let's not forget toys...
This particular line:
",and oh my god, Vaan is coming." - It seems as if you're watching them and telling us. Naughty voyeur. Seriously though, it throws the reader off. Who's POV is it?
Another problem I spot is your switching of tenses, just no. Either past or present, pick one and stick with it.
Personally I think past makes a story run smoother.
Again I appoligize for the arguement above.
| eternal-black-chaos chapter 1 . 2/19/2008
I like it :]
| kellegirl chapter 1 . 1/25/2008
Yay, the hormonal teenager won! That was damn hot too, you definitely have a talent for the lemon.
| Hirakareta chapter 1 . 1/15/2008
That was hot. I think I lost a brain cell O,o. How do you write such good lemons? I have a hard time just thinking about writing one.. Is there some kind of training or something?
| Strawi chapter 1 . 1/6/2008
Oh. My. God. Damnit, if my life were an manga, a nosebleed would surely be killing my slowly. But it was worth it. Totally.
| bloodlust17 chapter 1 . 12/9/2007
That was hot. Great story! I hope you write more stories like this.
| 678ej34lPR chapter 1 . 11/10/2007
I really loved it, it's gripping!