Reviews for The Temptation of Felix Nikitin
Rozen chapter 10 . 2/13/2009
...Obviously you are being real trollish just to gain attention, and with that, I am going to let you slide since reviewing you any further than this is going to feed you more attention than you desire. ;)

There is no way normal human can write this , unless you're faking it of course.

I hope you have your fun while your butt is reported for a particular reason you don't even need to know.

Good day.

Rozen
Mealine chapter 7 . 7/27/2008
You have to be faking this. There's just no way it can be that bad.
Mealine chapter 2 . 7/27/2008
Oh, dear god. It's still hilarious.

I don't think you spelled Dumbledore's name right even once.

Are you _sure_ you're not a troll?

Why does Harry have a dark mark on his chest?

Sorry to be mean, but this story has so many problems it's not worth the effort to be nice.

1. Mary Sue.

2. Bad spelling and grammar.

3. It's all out of character.

4. Bad plot. And by bad, I mean "no apparent."

Your English is better than my Russian, and I'm not mocking you for trying to learn another language. But before you post, learn it a bit better. And actually read the books. It could help, and you'd probably get less flames.
Aesthetic Butterfly chapter 3 . 7/8/2008
I didnt even get to the third chapter, it was just bad.

Normally I read through a whole story to see if it improves. This obviously doesn't according to the comments people have left you.

But seriously.

"My name is Felix Nikitin. I have blond hair but it is fake. My favoritte colour is white because it goes with any thing. I am a white person but I know a black person and his name is Randy. He is realy nice so what they say about black people isnt true."

What the HELL?

Oh my god.

Just... words cannot describe what I am feeling right now.

Just so you know, it is a mutinous feeling.

Jesus, just... get a beta reader, stop writing Mary-Sues... it's just bad.
Mealine chapter 1 . 12/1/2007
Oh, wow. No offense, but this story is the worst thing I've read in ages. I could excuse the horrible spelling (not really, it made me cry) if you had any kind of plot. You say you won a writing contest, were there any other entries? Because you wrote a complete Mary Sue, and as far as I can tell, anything you want to happen, happens. And maybe you should read the books first. Some people only watch the movies before writing, but you, you're worse than that. You've probably only read fanfiction before deciding you wanted to write.

And what was that about Randy? WTF

And I have to go now, but I think I might want to come back and insult your story some more. Bye!

And because I feel guilty about being mean, you could send stories to me if you want a beta. I'll be nice then, but if you write another story like this one without anyone to edit it, I will be supremely pissed.
Seren-chan chapter 10 . 12/1/2007
Damn. What a troll. You made yourself so obvious, though. You're still screwin' up, kiddo.
bellalana chapter 1 . 11/28/2007
Mne ehta ochin nravitsa!
Genkai Lady chapter 1 . 10/6/2007
I saw English wasn't your first language, and decided that in my experience, having a good example of how to write will help you improve. Therefore, I have beta-ed your story for you. Here is the first chapter.

~

Chapter 1

The newspapers had announced Harry Potter and his friends had graduated from Hogwarts. I myself had just graduated from the Magical Mitchum School in Russia. I didn’t know what I wanted to become after graduation, so I decided to just relax during my summer off. But then, I heard of Hogwarts where Harry graduated from, and thought I should check it out to see if they had nice job offers and career services.

I got a response two days later, although my cat named Friskers killed the owl. I found the owl’s decapitated body outside. I didn’t really care about the owl, so I took the letter that was tied around its leg and read it. It said I should come visit Hogwarts.

First of all, you should be wondering what my name is! My name is Felix Nikitin. I have blonde hair, but it is fake. My favorite color is white, because it goes with everything. I am Caucasian, but have wonderful friends of other ethnicities.

I rode my broom in the rain to Hogwarts when the summer was over. I walked into the school and an old man asked me if he could take my coat. I told him I wanted it back, but he just hung it up. I had thought he was going to take it! The old man said his name was Dumbledore.

I felt somewhat comfortable and weird around him when I saw him looking at my breasts through my wet shirt. It was a white shirt and a I had a bra from Victoria’s Secret on! I crossed my arms, but that just smooshed my breasts together.

Dumbledore coughed. I think he was erect!

“Felix, you look cold,” Dumbledore said.

“Yes, do you have something warm I can wear?” I asked.

“I know just the thing!” said Dumbledore as he winked at me. He got out his wooden want and suddenly…

~

Your English on the whole is fairly bad, but you do have potential. You have some grammar right, and some spelling right. The rest of the fanfic is terrible, and I mean that in the kindest way possible. I once wrote a terrible fanfic myself. You have indeed created a "Mary Sue."

This is something you should research yourself, in order to avoid writing something similar in the future. Also, Dumbledore is not perverted in such a way, Harry would not have been held back for more than one year which is much longer than it would take for Hermione to rise to such a high government position, and in your writing you had some socially unacceptable things like "black friends." I realize that black people are not all mean, but the way you said it lacks tact.

Please continue your English lessons, reread the Harry Potter books (in English, if you can manage it), and then try editing your previous chapters.

P.S. If this is a troll, this is the most genius troll ever written.
Tiger Lantern chapter 1 . 10/6/2007
Hi Felix,

I see you've been getting a lot of criticism over your spelling. Would you like a beta for that? It might be useful so that you can have criticism about the story itself.

If you'd like me to beta for you please reply to this :) just the spelling though as I am a busy person.

I noticed someone else offered to beta for you also and as this isn't something that happens every day, I really strongly suggest you take one of us up on it!

Best wishes,

Tiger
Insert My Name chapter 9 . 9/14/2007
My god, this is so BAD that its HILARIOUS!

Really. I'm usually not this cruel.. but.. there you go.

Anyway, I insist that you write another chapter so I can laugh some more. This is .. oh my.. haha.
Seren-chan chapter 9 . 9/14/2007
I'm praying this is a troll. If not..

You have a Mary Sue. What is that? I should remember silly little authors like yourself don't know. Here ya go:"Mary Sue" is an unkind term used to describe a certain kind of character, a style of writing. She (or he) is created to serve one purpose: wish fulfilment. When a writer invents someone through whom he/she can have fantastic adventures and meet famous people (fictional or real), this character is a Mary Sue.

Mary Sue is any original or deeply altered character who represents a slice of his/her creator's own ego; s/he is treasured by his/her creator but only rarely by anyone else. More negatively, a Mary Sue is a primadonna (usually but not always badly-written) who saps life and realism out of every other character around, taking over the plot and bending canon to serve his/her selfish purposes."

I'm not going to explain why as everyone else has. Just take the mary sue limitus test on my profile. Then come back to me and say she isn't.

Grammar and puctuation. I understand that english is not you first language. How about typing in Russian instead? You can do that you know on this site. Just make sure to read the books agin and get a gist of everyone's original personalities and redo your 'OC' again.
RoHeHaExpress chapter 8 . 8/29/2007
What'd you do? Write this with one hand? In any case, it's still hilarious! By the way, Babelfish is not for translating whole stories, okay? Just thought you ought to know.
Unfading chapter 8 . 8/19/2007
Thank you, my spirits are high again!

And in case you're _really_ from Russia:

Аффтар пеши исчо!
RoHeHaExpress chapter 7 . 8/14/2007
This is freaking HILARIOUS! It's a parody, right? Oh, it's not supposed to be? Well, it's still the funniest thing I have read in a long time.

I am SO favoriting it, because it's just that funny.
Kaitylen chapter 6 . 8/10/2007
Don't worry about all those other jerks, it's good especially if your' only just learning english. If you repond to my review I'd be happy to beta for you and check all of your' spelling mistakes and stuff...ALL OF YOU WHO WERE REALLY RUDE ABOUT THE STORY SUCK! NOTHING GIVE'S YOU THE RIGHT TO JUST SIT THERE AND BAG SOMEONE ELSE'S STORY EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT! CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS ALRIGHT BUT THEY WERE ALL JUST FLAMES SO WHY DON'T YOU ALL JUST GO AWAY!
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