Reviews for Second Coming
StackerWlf chapter 5 . 12/31/2008
when will you get back to working on second coming providence, it is my favorite story by you.
Creampuff chapter 5 . 12/8/2008
OMG! UPDATE ASAP PLEASE!
mangagirl18 chapter 5 . 7/30/2008
Hey, I'm not to crazy about the new fic, but I'll stay tuned in it. But I really hope that you'll continue with this one as well. Will you do that?
the lone wolf chapter 4 . 7/25/2008
great story especially when patamon says "But you may call me... Citizen Snips" lol. i thought that gatomon would use him as a scrathing post but stuffing him under the carpet and using him for a seat is just as good. when is blackwargreymon gunna show up and how was he revived by patamon exactly? i serously cant wait to see the rest of patamnon's evolution mainly seraphimon.

keep up the great work
BenignUser chapter 4 . 7/18/2008
Rather interesting. You’re created a really amazing alternate universe here, very dark and it has me eager to find out all the details about what happened in the “true” timeline before Takeru and Takato went back in time. In a way I read everything looking for the tiniest hints.

For instance, I didn’t miss out on the mention of Neo Saiba at the beginning of your fic. That along with Daemon’s ‘Super Ultimate’ evolution nicely alludes to V-Tamer without any further mention about the series in subsequent chapters. Since Neo was introduced as the antagonist here, I’d say it’s a safe assumption that he’ll be eventually helping Daemon try to evolve, just as he had done in V-Tamer.

Your lengthy exposition serves well in introducing us to this dying world. It’s very magnificent, going way back to the first five Chosen and with a very nice origin story to Daemon and why Patamon was always the last to evolve. But at the same time it leaves many questions unanswered, too. Was Neo Saiba the original partner to Daemon? How did our well-known Tamers and Chosen meet their demise? Who were the last Seven? I’ll be eager to see all these mysteries solved. Your setting and plot has really captured my attention.

On the topic of the seven: well; truly there were only seven of them. Why bother having military titles? Admiral? Commander? It reads as though they were a bunch of kids that gave themselves titles to make themselves seem more important without any idea as to why they were calling themselves that. It seems faulty (Admiral is a navy title, for instance) and implements a much unneeded caste system amongst the Chosen. Yes, it was a war; but the same can be said for the original eight in their war against Piemon and his Dark Masters. They followed under Taichi, but he wasn’t a Major, Lieutenant or General. At the same time we see Takeru and Takato jogress evolving their Digimon. It shows a mutual respect and seeing each other as equals, again disregarding the need for titles (and a caste system).

You showed a very nice aspect of the powers that Takato and Takeru have. I like the fact that you brought together the different abilities from all the Digimon seasons – especially the idea of the DigiSoul. In Savers it basically came down to enhancing Masaru’s punch, but here you wonderfully expanded on the concept by giving Takeru the ability to fly. They have access to armor evolutions, modify cards, and I’m assuming Takeru still has his Crest and Takato is still able to bio-merge. You’ve still left me wondering what the Spheres enable them to do, but I’m assured it’ll be explained in time. It’s a very nice arsenal and I’m sure it’ll bring lots of fun action sequences.

The comic relief in the first chapter with the BlackWarGreymon / Patamon relationship being narrowed down to words like ‘lizard-lips’ and ‘rodent’ was a nice comparison to Rattrap and Dinobot of Beast Wars whom frequently refer to each other in that way. Reading that made me smile; reading Daisuke constantly getting Takeru’s dub name wrong, and acting all goofy … not so much, I was forced to skim over it since it was getting on my nerves. Show him the respect he deserves as the leader of the Chosen. If there’s anyone Takeru should confide him about what he knows will happen, it would be Daisuke first and foremost.

The mergers, however, were very well done. The characterization Takato and Takeru was very different and distinct from their present and future selves. Their present selves were very in-character as we know them now; while their future selves were rugged and war-torn shells of their former beings. Unfortunately that seemed to end after each pair merged. Their present selves seem dead, cast aside to make room for their future personas. While it makes sense, it just feels odd. They’re too different from the Takeru and Takato that we know. Remember that we (the readers) didn’t see how Takeru and Takato grew up, how their characters evolved, and all the hardships they went through. You’re the only one that does and you’re very close to making the two of them OOC and having their romances being nothing but fluff.

If Takato wakes up one morning and is a Superman at DDR, acts like he hasn’t seen his friends in years, and begins flirting with Ruki and calling her Princess – something is wrong. The same can be said about Takeru and his ‘walking like a swordsman.’ I can understand this being done intentionally for the others to notice something is “off” with Takeru and Takato – but it still doesn’t change that we’re reading about characters that have names we’re familiar with but that act nothing like themselves.

And what about Ruki? She hasn’t gone through any changes, yet she isn’t acting like herself much. She seems instantly smitten by the “new Takato,” constantly thinking of him and then berating herself for it. And it ends with him protecting her from bullies. A bit way too cliché. She does have her moments of being written well, however. Her words, “you’re a pretty okay guy” seem right on target. Very Ruki-ish; but I think they came too early. She’s practically in the love with the guy all from a single chapter.

It’s good that Renamon was able to see the difference in him, yet it brings me to believe that because of this huge difference Renamon would’ve interfered to ‘protect’ Ruki way back when Jen was still around with them. Takato was simply too different to act casually around, and I would’ve grown very suspicion very fast in Renamon’s situation.

And well, hmm… about the names and naming... I noticed you seem to alternate between using Takeru and TK. In fact both TK and Rika react to Takeru and Ruki as their “real names.” At the same time you use honorifics like Kari-chan and Hida-san. Iori’s grandfather and mother retain their Japanese names, even your OC Shigure, has a Japanese name – yet you decided on using dub names for all the main Chosen and Tamers. Why is this?

At the end of your first chapter I felt a little disappointed that you left pairings, of all things, open to decision to your readers. It gave me the impression that the story would move to be more about the romance then it would about the mission of stopping Daemon. And honestly, after having read chapter 4, it seems like I was right on target. It’s true that a dark fic such as this needs to give the reader a moment to breathe every now and then, but I felt the entire dark tone was lost in your recent chapter. I think you should focus less on romance and more on the plot. Let the people looking for the next cookie-cutter Takari / Taiora / Rukato fic drool over some other inferior story. You’ve got a wonderful world planned out here and the talent to write it; I wouldn’t want to see it go to waste.
Inflatable Marshmellows chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
I just finished the first Chapter and I can't wait to start on the others (though after studying for my Math test of course... Reality... Sigh).

I'm not much of a fan of AU stories but this one is written so brilliantly and it's wow. I can't even imagine how you even started crafting this story, it's amazing. It may be just me, but there seems to be so much details and it's as though this Holocaust did happen instead of just a fanfiction. Everything just seems so real.

And of course, the fact that Takeru's the leader doesn't hurt either. I'm a Takeru fangirl too! :D I lovelovelove his characterization; he has to be the Digidestinied that gone through the most, in my opinion, in the cannon stories, I can't wait to see the rest.

Okay, I'm just rambling, but I'm in awe.

I'm probably going to print this out, so that I'd be able to bring it around to read because it's so WOW! :D
StackerWlf chapter 4 . 7/16/2008
I love this story. keep updating. and I loved the prank that patamon pulled on gatomon. it was so funny.
digihope chapter 4 . 7/16/2008
The new chapter is fabulous~

Honestly, I'm completely in love with this story, because I have the same perspective on T.K. I always thought there was something more to him and it should've been delved into. But, I guess now I don't have to think about it myself because you've got it covered. xD

I hope you get another chapter out soon, because I'm really looking forward to it. Like, fer realz.
Katsugi chapter 4 . 7/16/2008
cool you updated. Good job and please continue updating.
AkumaPrincess chapter 4 . 7/16/2008
That was another great chapter. It seems that Henry, Terriermon, and Renamon are suspecting Takato, while Rika is too flustered to really think. As for T.K, I'm wondering if he's going to ask Ken, or Matt if they noticed the battle worn aura around the teen.
mangagirl18 chapter 4 . 7/16/2008
OMG! YOU UPDATED! YAY! AWESOME! I usually hate the Rukato pairing, but I actually think it fits in this story. Anyways PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE update ASAP!
Minwolf chapter 4 . 7/16/2008
Another very insteresting chapter. Patamon and Takato seem to be having all the fun while they can. I was laughing so hard at what Patamon did to Gatomon that my eyes were tearing up. Demi-Veemon is right about that Gatomon would never allow him to get away with what Patamon did.

Takato seemed to love poking fun at Rika and then took on that bully, he seems a lot like Takato from 03 but at the same time he doesn't. I guess that is from him being from the future and merging with his past self.

Well keep up the good work and see ya next chapter.
taintedlegacy chapter 4 . 7/15/2008
Man...awesome story! I can't wait to see more TK Kari interaction, along with Takato and Rika. Keep up the good work, and update soon!

Oh, and why did you change your name? It used to be MackSama, didn't it?
Mizuki hikari chapter 4 . 7/15/2008
yess your back! every time I read a digimon fic I think of yours please continue
Silver Warrior chapter 4 . 7/15/2008
so, there are suspiscions where Tk and Takato are concerned. Well, it certainly can't be helped. Though Renamon's observation was... surprising.
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