|Reviews for Phoenix Ashes|
| rowenstar chapter 7 . 4/29/2014
I hope to see more of this story! It's amazing! I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Sapphire5 chapter 7 . 2/7/2014
Happy to see this pop up in my alerts!
Nope, not confusing. It helped a LOT having the headings for the time switches.
The way you write Tasuki's dialogue is perfectly understandable. His accent is heavier than I like to write him, but then, you're not me! And it does, for the most part, sound natural. When it doesn't, I read it again, giving it different inflection, etc. Kind of like voice acting, only it's Tasuki talking in my head.
Oh, and you're dead on about Miaka mentioning the book being written in Chinese in the first episode. She's surprised Yui can read it and Yui comes back with something like, "I'm a genius, remember?" (If I'm recalling correctly.)
Looking forward to the next chapter whenever!
| organizationkhII chapter 2 . 1/15/2014
Really interesting story. I'm going to read the rest. :D
| Sapphire5 chapter 6 . 12/18/2013
Yay! You addressed the timeline issues! Much clearer now!
Part of what made it not compute to me was I was basing my math off a slightly different take on the "cannon" timeline. Watase actually said somewhere that there is no actual ratio of time passed in the book to time passed in the real world. She explained that if a person in the real world reading the book reads a line like "the next day.." then a whole day has passed in the book in the time it took the reader to read the line (about two seconds). Conversely, if you think about it, some scenes take way longer to read thanks to description, than the events described would actually take to happen. It's impossible to formulate a ratio because of that. (I always base everything off of book time when I write, but my reckoning of time passed in the book is slightly different from yours.) Case solved!
| Lupinara chapter 6 . 12/17/2013
So excited for the next chapter!
I am so looking forward to seeing the little eight year old Nakago and little bitty Suboshi!
Great job and I can't wait for more!
| Lupinara chapter 5 . 8/3/2013
Please please please continue!
This story is extremely well written and I can't wait for more
| princesspooka chapter 5 . 6/28/2013
Ahhh! Please update soon, you're story is interesting while staying true to the characters. I'm really loving where it's going so far. I've just rewatched the entire series for the 138th time (exaggeration) and my fanfic quest led me to your little gem. I truly can't wait to read more.
| MercuryMoon chapter 4 . 6/27/2013
Hmm... so for this chapter and the previous ones, I noticed a few discrepancies. You mentioned in chapter 1 that Hikari is two, then Yui tells Chichiri that she's three, and now she's almost two in Chapter Four? Also, in the first chapter, Yui is in her third year of high school and applying for college. But then in chapter two, Yui and Miaka are supposedly 21, which makes them really old for high school. Is this a carryover from the original that didn't get fixed? The timeline is a bit confusing overall since Chichiri last saw Miaka when she was 17. I'm not sure if she was pregnant at this time or not since it seems like you're going by the anime and I never finished the anime, but that would then put her at 20, if it really has been three years.
I feel like some of the Japanese is being used the wrong way, too. -san isn't something that is only used for married women; it can be used for anyone, formal or informal context. And some of the names you've used... Kasumi, Kenji are all Japanese names. One thing that is distinct about the FY world is that the names of the characters in the book world are always Chinese made into Japanese, which is how you get names like Houjun and Shouka. Something that might help you with coming up with names is looking at kanji and putting the
onyomi sounds together instead of the kunyomi.
I'm being nitpicky, but the above did throw me out of the story a few times. I really enjoyed Chosei and Shouka's scene together though. We barely got to know her in the series, and I like what insight you've shown into what she could have been like. Chosei's mother's reaction was also very logical. The view of the parent of a seishi is often neglected, and the fact that you included her really built on the story. And oh, Miaka. Your insights into how a parent would react now that you are one yourself. And how Chichiri also understands what's going on and knows that it will eventually work out. He is a sly one.
Curious if Shouka's necklace is going to have any kind of significance in the future. And I just realized that Chichiri still has Mitsukake's spirit water! Can't wait to see how that scene unravels if he returns it to him. I absolutely adore the way Mitsukake idolizes Chichiri. Looking forward to how their relationship develops.
Anyway, nice job on this chapter. The story is unfolding nicely. :D
| MercuryMoon chapter 3 . 6/27/2013
Eeee. I remember I saw your summary a while ago and was intrigued, but haven't had much time to actually go through and read the story until now. I like what I've read so far though. The rationalization for why Yui goes into the book world, how the book was really only supposed to have one Priestess at a time... Her connection to the book by being two Priestesses. I don't see that referred to a lot, and I thought it was kind of cool that you just slipped it in.
The only thing I'm confused about is I thought the book was translated into Japanese, so Tetsuya should have no problem reading what's going on. Is it in Chinese now? Or some other obscure Japanese writing? I'm also curious as to why you named the story Phoenix Ashes since the story seems to be centered more around Seiryuu, even if Yui is also gathering the Suzaku seishi. My guess is the answer will be revealed sooner or later though, so I shall look forward to finding out.
I'm also majorly excited for the next chapter. That character has always been one of my favorites and that you're going to spotlight him next \o\
| Sapphire5 chapter 2 . 6/17/2013
I'm still liking it! My favorite passage was Tetsuya's answering machine recording. It sounds just like him!
Now for the critique. I'm confused about the timeline. I was actually scribbling math on a scratch paper trying to figure it out, especially when Chichiri said the first time he'd come to Mt. Taikyouku was 19 year prior to his present day. Going off the cannon timeline as I understand it, that's not possible because you have him older than he should be. I think a specific reference to the last time Chichiri had seen/heard from Miaka would help immensely. PM me if I'm confusing YOU. :-)
Far easier to wrap my brain around... When Tetsuya gets home, he sets a 'suitcase' down. Perhaps 'briefcase' would be a better word.
As for my suggestions, take 'em or leave 'em. It's up to you.
| Sapphire5 chapter 1 . 6/17/2013
I can't believe it took me this long to get around to reading this! I always wanted to simply because of the name. Then you started reviewing my work (Oracles of the Four Gods) and I really wanted to read it to reciprocate. Then life happened...and now it's years and years later. Whew. Time flies.
Anyway... I really like PA so far! I've always liked the idea of Yui going back into the book on her own. I've tried to read a few about her but...they weren't very well written so I never finished them.
As an author myself, I know how valuable constructive criticism is, so here goes mine. Hikari seems to be having a gender identity crisis. I gather you've changed the gender from the original PA, so I understand, but it would be a good idea to go through the story meticulously to make sure all the gender dependent pronouns are corrected. It gets a little distracting at times.
On to chapter 2!
| KittyLynne chapter 5 . 5/27/2013
I had a big long review typed up and my kitty stepped on my keyboard and erased it! Argh!
There is no sign of writer's block in reading this...everything flowed together so nicely. I enjoyed the interactions and the sly humor. You write Chichiri well, I can easily visualize him and his abilities the way you describe them. The scene between Yui and Tasuki was great, you bring forward an aspect of characterization regarding Yui's pov that had me going, yes, that is exactly what she'd say and feel towards him. Well done.
As for the youngster they found...considering where he was found, I have an idea of who it is. *grin* But I will wait and see...can't wait for the next chapter!
| obsessed dreamer chapter 5 . 5/20/2013
Oh my gawd you're baaaack! *glomp-tackles* hehe the kid is ashitare ne hehe. Or... I already forgot the old version waaah!
| Diary-chan chapter 4 . 10/4/2009
This story is so awesome! Yui has always been one of my favorite characters, and it's great that you can give her a story all her own without having to be the 'bad guy'. The plot is well-thought-out and interesting and as far as I can tell you tend to keep things in-character. I can only await your next update :)
| miss-apple-dbz chapter 4 . 7/13/2009
...uhm, if you get two of this review, just ignore the first one. FF . net is having errors, and this is about the third time I've lost a review for your story. *sigh*
Aw! I liked Chosei a lot! Hehe, you worry too much; I think you characterized him very well, giving him a solid background, and hopefully a bright future. That little scene with him and Shouka was so heartwarming. I loved it, and I thought it was really sweet. Almost sad, really. For one thing, they were lovers in their past life (well, Mitsukake, more like... I'm not sure if Shouka was the reincarnation of the other Shouka ), and now they're best friends. (Although I know that at least for Chosei, it runs a little deeper than that.) I hope that for the second time round, his life would be better, and he'd finally have a chance at love. I understand the way his mother feels, and I really appreciate you digging deep into his new life. It's not just that Yui and Chichiri happen to meet these reincarnated seishis, but they also have separate stories to go along with them. This gives the story much more depth, and makes it a lot more interesting! _
Anyway, I realize that I've been way too excited about the plot, that I keep forgetting to compliment you on your writing style. I haven't read too many multi-shots in the FY fandom (mostly, I read one-shots), and one thing that really grabs my attention to this certain fanfiction and keeps me hooked, is its flow. It really does have a good flow, and I'm already beside myself that there's no chapter five yet. _ Hehe. The timing is great and well-paced; I feel like I'm going along the journey as well.
Well, I don't know why I keep writing lengthy reviews... hehe _; anyway, I know you probably heard this a dozen times, but I can't wait until you update again. I'm looking forward to what happens next. I mean, Tasuki's next! What's not to get excited about that? I hope you update soon, but I also know that you're quite busy, with school, work and military, and of course personal life (or is work and military the same? ). Best of luck to your writing, and hopefully I'll get to see chapter five sooner rather than later!