|Reviews for We Leave the Tears Unshed|
| Erin Cade chapter 1 . 9/21/2007
Aww! LUV! Lolz.. I love it. :)
| Skeledog Lover chapter 1 . 9/15/2007
This did not suck! It was beautiful yet simple. It's pretty amazing to be able to get so many emotions into juist a few words:)
| Lon-Dubh chapter 1 . 8/9/2007
Don't take this as a flame, I'm just trying to help you: It isn't bad, but it could be better. Here are some tips, just some help if you would like it.
#1. If you are going to have words rhyme, then having a rhyme scheme. Don't just randomly have one or two lines rhyme and not the others. It breaks apart the flow of the poem.
#2. Try not to randomly repeat words and lines unless that repeat is part of the poem structure.
#3. Try to vary your word choice a bit more.
#4. If you want your poem to be, well, more "poetic", then use the poem as a metaphor for something else. Don't flat out say sentences, try to make to words into a deeper meaning. Does that make sense?
For example: "We leave the Socs run" to something more like "Our enemies we leave to flee". Using different phrasing and not flat-out saying exactly what you mean will make it seem more poetic than if you just broke prose down into different lines and tried to force it to be a poem.
#5. Unless you have a specific structure to your line beginnings, variate the first word of each line more. Most of your lines begin with "we", but then you randomly throw in a few other words. It makes the writing appear unstructurely.
#6. The last line of your poem is one of the most critical. In this case, I have nothing to use as an example because the last line of the poem is very good, but keep that information in mind for future reference.
Again, this isn't intended to be a flame, I'm simply trying to help you improve. If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me.
| NellieGURL chapter 1 . 8/9/2007
It did't suck at all! :) I really liked it, I mean it too. You should write more!