Reviews for The Roaring Snake
Silverfawkes chapter 29 . 2/4/2013
Scabbers1957 chapter 4 . 1/28/2013
The only thing I have to say about this so far:::::If Minerva or anyone had really wanted to find out what Harrys life was really like::::they could have done a little bit of passive Legitimes (not sure if that is the correct spelling) on him. Other than that this story is really good.
Judaphine chapter 29 . 1/7/2013
Although I enjoyed the story, you propensity to use large words in the wrong context detracted from it quite a bit. Many of the words you chose didn't fit the plot, the phrase they were used in and occasionally seemed contrived. I'm a native speaker of the English language (proper English-English in fact) with all of my highest achievements being in English, Literature and Languages to the point that I studied Linguistics at University and I spent much of my time reading this story either having to re-read sentences or skip sections that didn't make any sense. Here's a bit of advice for you, you don't need to use a word (or make up one) just because it's big or sounds important. It may be of no use to you or just make you sound like Don King.
AlbinoBee chapter 9 . 12/29/2012
Love the intro for Millicent. She's in and a part of Harry's crew, but it doesn't feel forced in anyway. Very natural. Great job.
ForSer chapter 1 . 12/24/2012
Great story. I will be glad to read the sequel.
Inferius1957 chapter 30 . 11/28/2012
This was a totally riveting and well written story, I wish more "writers" were as good or at least try to do this good. I'll add this to my story favorites. I'll start reading your sequel asap.

tonygestaple chapter 30 . 10/29/2012
I really enjoyed your story. You've put a tremendous amount of work into it and it shows, ie, all the faves and follows, as well as all the reviews. The only thing that annoyed me was that the dialogue sounded do stiff and formal, not like children talking at all. Maybe it's due to Pureblood wizards being so formal, I don't know, but that's my opinion on it, anyway. I'm going to start reading the sequel, now, hoping that it'll be updated sometime soon. Thank you for posting The Roaring Snake.
kitza chapter 12 . 10/24/2012
so... if I'm black, and we're studying together. I say something annoying about you getting special privledges and your friend calls me the "N" word (even indirectly), my leaving is a betrayal of YOU?

I dislike your Harry. he's like a sociopath, the only emotions we've seen from him are anger and maybe a little hurt (he didn't behave hurt, but you specifically said he felt or looked hurt so I'll take your word for it) apparently all of his friends are replaceable too. ick. Millicent deserves better..
BetaPAWDkitsune chapter 30 . 8/30/2012
Great story. I really enjoyed this. Many aspects were things that I found to be very interesting and it perhaps makes this story one of the best I have read. I can't wait to read the sequel :D
Many thanks for sharing.
Guest chapter 22 . 7/27/2012
This story sucks smelly donkey d ck. why the hell would u do this? I thought it was awesome at the beginning but now I am solo bored. All it is is harry getting manipulated, he surprises a few people, manipulators manipulate some more, Harry gets manipulated, blah blah blah. It's so boring! What the hell! Hurry up and get on with the interesting part of your writing, cos at the minute, u r bloody dull.
Guest chapter 11 . 7/27/2012
Good story so far, but when rita is tryin to interview Harry Millicent sort of disappears at the end of the chapter. I suggest fixing that.
corrwin chapter 29 . 6/9/2012
Awesome story. Political!Harry at its best. Realistic Dark/Light politics, manipulative Dumbledore we all can hate, smart Harry... story joined my personal Hall of Fame.
Oracle10 chapter 4 . 5/22/2012
I'm finding this story very interesting, but I do have one or two little suggestions. some of the sentences seem a little awkward and you use a lot of Americanisms. It might be a good idea if you got someone to beta this who has a good grasp of British English and give the story a nice polish. I would also recommend a bit of re-writing. You tend to over explain portions and the story could be a little more streamlined.
eos9 chapter 30 . 2/4/2012
Hmm... I still feel that this story is mis-labelled, but that doesn't stop it from being a good story.

The unrelenting grimness of the tale did ease a bit towards the end, but overall, the story was quite dark, with no humour or playfulness, no amusing repartee to balance it out.

While of course, that's mostly just my own softy-ness showing and plenty of people enjoy darkfics, I think the one disservice from this style is that without the occasional break in tension, eventually the reader becomes immune and the pace can lag a bit. Tbh, I ended up skimming a lot of what you wrote- interested in the plot-points, but worn out by the unending escalation.

Also, when the only interactions shown between characters is how they respond in crisis mode, the relationships can come off as 2-dimensional, with the characters themselves reading as rather flat.

The only other criticism I have to offer is that there didn't seem to be any justification for leaving out Fawkes and legilimency other than to make the absence of the former easier for Dumbledore's machinations, and the absence of the latter to better enable Harry's maneuvering.

Also, having the parents basically drop out of the story seemed highly unrealistic, particularly when they went to such lengths early on to control the Dursleys. Why did they do nothing when Dumbledore only responded to one group's letter on Harry's sickness? Why did getting barred from St. Mungo's route them so completely? Why did Rosier not get his godmother involved when Harry first withdrew? Or Daphne not convey her concerns to her healer mother? And after all that happened at the beginning of the year, Minerva should be far more cautious with Dumbledore and less inclined to continue to report everything to the Headmaster.

There are just a lot of dei ex machina in play, here. Overall, it felt like you were trying to hard to control the characters and make them do what you wanted them to do, whether it fit exactly or not.

That said, the ideas you've presented are interesting, enough so that I will continue on with the sequel, even if I end up skimming again.
eos9 chapter 18 . 2/3/2012
This is very well-written; however, I'm not certain that I agree with the genre description it's been given. To me, "adventure" implies a bit of fun. This certainly has the necessary adrenalin, but it lends itself more to the "thriller" end of the spectrum. If I were to assign this an ffnet classification, I'd probably call it Angst/Drama.

So far, the whole thing has been pretty miserable, with any reprieves almost immediately overshadowed by more horribleness. The tension is pretty unremitting. I've seen that in your AN intro for the next chapter that he'll have a bit of an upswing in chapter 20, but I think I need to take a serious break from this story before I'm able to wade through any more of Harry getting dumped on by unscrupulous bastards.

I almost wish this story weren't so well done...
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