|Reviews for The Roaring Snake|
| Guest chapter 22 . 7/27/2012
This story sucks smelly donkey d ck. why the hell would u do this? I thought it was awesome at the beginning but now I am solo bored. All it is is harry getting manipulated, he surprises a few people, manipulators manipulate some more, Harry gets manipulated, blah blah blah. It's so boring! What the hell! Hurry up and get on with the interesting part of your writing, cos at the minute, u r bloody dull.
| Guest chapter 11 . 7/27/2012
Good story so far, but when rita is tryin to interview Harry Millicent sort of disappears at the end of the chapter. I suggest fixing that.
| corrwin chapter 29 . 6/9/2012
Awesome story. Political!Harry at its best. Realistic Dark/Light politics, manipulative Dumbledore we all can hate, smart Harry... story joined my personal Hall of Fame.
| Oracle10 chapter 4 . 5/22/2012
I'm finding this story very interesting, but I do have one or two little suggestions. some of the sentences seem a little awkward and you use a lot of Americanisms. It might be a good idea if you got someone to beta this who has a good grasp of British English and give the story a nice polish. I would also recommend a bit of re-writing. You tend to over explain portions and the story could be a little more streamlined.
| eos9 chapter 30 . 2/4/2012
Hmm... I still feel that this story is mis-labelled, but that doesn't stop it from being a good story.
The unrelenting grimness of the tale did ease a bit towards the end, but overall, the story was quite dark, with no humour or playfulness, no amusing repartee to balance it out.
While of course, that's mostly just my own softy-ness showing and plenty of people enjoy darkfics, I think the one disservice from this style is that without the occasional break in tension, eventually the reader becomes immune and the pace can lag a bit. Tbh, I ended up skimming a lot of what you wrote- interested in the plot-points, but worn out by the unending escalation.
Also, when the only interactions shown between characters is how they respond in crisis mode, the relationships can come off as 2-dimensional, with the characters themselves reading as rather flat.
The only other criticism I have to offer is that there didn't seem to be any justification for leaving out Fawkes and legilimency other than to make the absence of the former easier for Dumbledore's machinations, and the absence of the latter to better enable Harry's maneuvering.
Also, having the parents basically drop out of the story seemed highly unrealistic, particularly when they went to such lengths early on to control the Dursleys. Why did they do nothing when Dumbledore only responded to one group's letter on Harry's sickness? Why did getting barred from St. Mungo's route them so completely? Why did Rosier not get his godmother involved when Harry first withdrew? Or Daphne not convey her concerns to her healer mother? And after all that happened at the beginning of the year, Minerva should be far more cautious with Dumbledore and less inclined to continue to report everything to the Headmaster.
There are just a lot of dei ex machina in play, here. Overall, it felt like you were trying to hard to control the characters and make them do what you wanted them to do, whether it fit exactly or not.
That said, the ideas you've presented are interesting, enough so that I will continue on with the sequel, even if I end up skimming again.
| eos9 chapter 18 . 2/3/2012
This is very well-written; however, I'm not certain that I agree with the genre description it's been given. To me, "adventure" implies a bit of fun. This certainly has the necessary adrenalin, but it lends itself more to the "thriller" end of the spectrum. If I were to assign this an ffnet classification, I'd probably call it Angst/Drama.
So far, the whole thing has been pretty miserable, with any reprieves almost immediately overshadowed by more horribleness. The tension is pretty unremitting. I've seen that in your AN intro for the next chapter that he'll have a bit of an upswing in chapter 20, but I think I need to take a serious break from this story before I'm able to wade through any more of Harry getting dumped on by unscrupulous bastards.
I almost wish this story weren't so well done...
| atymer chapter 29 . 1/8/2012
Kudos to the author for a well thought out story. If Harry had gotten a reprieve in canon, where he had a moment to question and/or understand a tiny bit of his new world, what would have happened?
Here Harry makes mistakes, but after all he is eleven and so are his friends. Children are subject to the manipulation of the adults that surround them, oft times to their destruction.
Having the inclination to think about what is going on around him is a boon for Harry. I like how protective of his friends he has grown and also how he listens to everyone and considers. Blind panic and rage could have been his response to Dumpy and Snapes harassment and he could have turned to Voldy for assistance. Good thing he saw through all the adults in constant contact and retains a healthy suspicions of the others motives.
I will put this on my fav list. I enjoyed it very much.
| Emeraldfireblade chapter 23 . 11/8/2011
first of all it's good to see the "old" harry back, and it's good to have an author who understands the needs for challenges and character growth.
I really like your take on Dumbledor as well, I'm honestly not sure if I woundn't mind Voldermort winning over your version, as they both seem to think the end justifies the means and I'm not sure who would be worse for the Wizarding World in the long run (say two generations from now).
Guardian of the Sacred Emerald Flames
| frustrated lone author chapter 24 . 8/1/2011
i like this story... the complexity of the politics involved is endearing and the maturity of how harry handles his affairs is outstanding but what i don't like is the way dumbledore knows of everything in the castle... i think it is too much of a disadvantage when added to the implied listening charms that he was able to place outside the castle... especially in the homes of the dark pureblood families... you would think that they would have counter measures for such things... lastly the lack of short term tangible victories on harry's part is a bit disheartening but all in all the story certainly rates an 8 on a scale of ten...
| Guest chapter 25 . 7/25/2011
barty crouch is or was a member of the ministry,the more languages he is able to speak the better off he is in that role,i wouldn't find it hard for anyone in a govermental role,wheather it be muggle or magical goverment not being able to at least speak three or 4 languages a days at least in the united states to train ambassadors they use a training technique called the rosetta stone.
| Dragonanzar chapter 30 . 5/5/2011
Well, a very good story and a strong final line. I look forward to the sequel. Of course, several times I felt like strangling you for the tension and creating frustration because of knowing things without being able to effect them. I also felt like strangling Snape and Dumbledore; I'm sure you'll agree with the sentiment. It must have been fun writing all the manipulations. At last, I feel that Harry is starting to have an edge, mainly because he realises that Dumbledore is his enemy, not his friend. Despite this, he still has to battle against a character who has had years to build up his power base, whose word is equal to an unbreakable vow to many. I wish him luck.
| Dragonanzar chapter 26 . 5/5/2011
The thing is that I think JKR took that music idea from the Greek myth where a hero (I think Orpheus) followed his dead love down to Hades' realm to plead for her life. He was a talented musician and he got past Cerberus, the guard to Hades, by playing music to make him sleep. He then played sad music in the underworld until Hades' felt some compassion and allowed him to take his love on the condition that he didn't look back to check who was following him until they both reached the mortal realm. Orpheus' paranoia was his undoing; he became convinced that it wasn't his love who was following him but something else. He looked back when he was in the land of the living, but his love was still at the mouth of the passage down to Hades. She was dragged back in and Orpheus cried. The version of the tale that I know had another goddess (I can't remember which one) taking pity on Orpheus and changing him into reeds. It is said that when the wind blows the water reeds whisper Orpheus' sorrow. A very cute tale, and perhaps one you already knew.
| Dragonanzar chapter 17 . 5/5/2011
Very nice story. I like how you interweave everyone's motives together. When Dumbledore said 'I have a plan' in the last chapter, I felt my stomach sink. I was just wondering, though, about the French. Surely Narcissa would have replied 'comment vais-tu' instead of 'comment allez-vous' because she is speaking to a younger person who is also ostensibly part of her family. Vous seems a little too formal for the circumstances. That aside, I very much like your writing style; I keep coming across words which I do not quite understand, so it's a good learning experience!
| cp90 chapter 6 . 1/30/2011
harry seeem vary Lelouch like... that is graet
| Hivedragon chapter 29 . 1/27/2011
Good story loved it.