|Reviews for Between Good and Evil|
| Starzinmieyez chapter 30 . 8/11/2011
This was brilliant! I loved this fic! It's such a shame that Cadence died though :( I love how you made Fred come back Great job!
| Starzinmieyez chapter 19 . 8/11/2011
I've been reading this fic all the way through so far, and it's all brilliant, but I just had to review this chapter coz I love the ending so much! It's actually made be giggle On to chapter 20!
| cheese XD chapter 12 . 9/5/2010
awsome! gr8 chapter btw!
you r awsome!
| cheese XD chapter 10 . 9/5/2010
wow great chapter
| cheese XD chapter 11 . 9/5/2010
wow you are amazing i love this story!
| XritaskeeterhatersX chapter 30 . 9/3/2010
| Celtica Noir chapter 1 . 9/3/2010
Well, it might've been good, except that your spelling and grammar turned me off. Did you run this through a beta yet?
| XritaskeeterhatersX chapter 21 . 8/31/2010
| XritaskeeterhatersX chapter 15 . 8/30/2010
Wow! I did not expect that!
| XritaskeeterhatersX chapter 10 . 8/28/2010
| Sapphire at Dawn chapter 1 . 8/26/2010
So, the opening paragraph isn’t the best. The first sentence is a run-on, meaning you need to divide it in two. Try reading it out loud; you’d run out of breath before you reached the end. Entrance Hall also needs capitalising, and there’s also a fair bit of repetition. Beginning the last two sentences with ‘it’ doesn’t read very well, and neither does the repetition of ‘place’. Your opening paragraph should hook people in and make them want to read the rest of the story, and having mistakes or it being poorly written doesn’t set a good standard for the rest of the fic.
On to the second paragraph. The first sentence is rather convoluted; I understand what you’re saying, but it could be done in a much better way that makes it flow better. I’d either cut the ‘for him’, or else put it at the beginning of the sentence. The last part of the second sentence really doesn’t relate to what you’ve been saying in the first part; you switch from talking about Hogwarts to talking about the wizarding world in general, and then, in the third sentence, switch back to Hogwarts again. You’re also giving the impression that Harry had an amazing first three days at Hogwarts in his first year, and the rest was all doom and gloom, which we know isn’t true. Right through the books, Harry looks forward to going back to Hogwarts, and sees it of more of a home than Privet Drive. He makes some sort of comment in one of the books about the ‘abandoned boys’; he, Snape and Voldemort, finding their homes here. The fear and hatred he learned about he didn’t connect with the castle at all. He connected that with Voldemort.
The third paragraph is better, but you’re still using a rather strange language that seems really forced and in some places needs a couple of reads through to understand what you’re actually trying to say. I think that you need to simplify your language, just so the reader can easily understand what you mean.
Your dialogue also reads rather bland; I’m getting nothing but a robotic feel to the conversation between Harry and Neville, it’s almost like they’ve been programmed to say these lines, rather than choosing to speak them of their own free will. You need a question mark if someone’s asking a question, and it’d be great if you gave some inclination as to their feelings.
The plot. Hmm. I don’t like the idea that Dumbledore simply had the information about the ‘crossers’ and told nobody about it, ever. It would be something he would make sure people would know in case Voldemort came back. He wouldn’t keep it to himself and then go ‘oops! Well I’ve known about this for a fair while. How silly of me not to tell anyone!’ It’s just not believable. A better idea would be that Dumbledore didn’t know about any of this, and Harry or someone researched possible reasons and dragged the idea of crossers from some obscure and ancient book.
There were also tonnes of grammatical mistakes throughout, and words like ‘password’ and ‘Headmistress’ are one word, not two. I suggest that you get a beta to look this over.
| XritaskeeterhatersX chapter 7 . 8/26/2010
This is great so far!
| ForeverEvolving chapter 1 . 8/15/2007
please do update soon.
i'm finding this fic very much to my liking :-D