|Reviews for Under the shade I will flourish|
| 19-twilight-fan-93 chapter 11 . 2/25/2012
After reading this chapter I'm disappointed. There were two places which stood out to me.
1) "Jasper I am fine," I said. Not wanting to let him worry about me. Besides the ride was nice and autumn air felt good against face.
"Isabella there was someone hiding behind the tree I think he was watching the whole thing." He placed me on the ground and looked at her. Her face grew grin and she rapidly rose up.
"No, I have to leave. The Kitchen. She is going to be mad if I'm late," Isabella said sputtering out words.
-The first and second paragraph, is in Bella's pov, but then without warning it just changes.
2)"How are you fairing in the kitchen" she said
"It is pretty good" I said
"How is Jasper?" I said. I saw her eyes light up and that when I noticed she liked him a lot.
-In this, you have "I said" twice, but it's different POV for each one, I was so confused I had to read it four times to understand it. Just something to keep in mind for future stories.
| 19-twilight-fan-93 chapter 10 . 2/25/2012
This is actually a really interesting story, except for this chapter. I was SO confused! You kept changing the POV and I couldn't follow it at all! I'm going to continue reading so I hope its not like this for the rest of the story...
| KATY123 chapter 27 . 9/27/2011
| 19-twilight-fan-93 chapter 7 . 8/4/2011
This is a really good story line, and will go a long way, but since I started reading I've noticed something and I just have to ask. Please don't take this the wrong way because like I said, you have a great story here, but you have two different persons talking at the same time, what I mean is that you are writing in both first and third person, and at times it can get really confusing. Try writing in just one person. Third person is "she looked at the brown eyed boy with delight. 'Hi.' she whispered. 'Hi.' he returned politely." see how I'm using 'she' and 'he' instead of 'I' ( which would be first person). Just something to think about :)
| scarletblusssh chapter 27 . 7/12/2010
this is really good, although im not sure about edward changing...
| livebyinsanity chapter 10 . 6/26/2010
This has been a good story so far, but you need to be careful that when switching POVS, readers know who you're speaking about.
| Ribeana Girl chapter 24 . 1/16/2010
I LOVE THIS STORY
| Daeuiel chapter 1 . 11/30/2009
It's a great idea and interesting start. It would be an excellent first chapter if you had someone to help you with the spelling and grammar. Some phrases and sentences aren't quite right.
| denise marie cullen chapter 27 . 8/27/2009
i absolutely love this story. it was great. keep up the good work.
| nic0l23 chapter 27 . 8/25/2009
really man this story shure did take a crazy turn at the end i have not reviewed for all of your 27 chapters because i found myself excited to see what happenes next and i readdly do like to judge people but this was a really good story thank you are you planing to do a sequel it seems like it?
| Vanquish13 chapter 18 . 7/8/2009
mike was definately a suprise.
| Vanquish13 chapter 5 . 7/8/2009
god those mean are gross.
| Vanquish13 chapter 1 . 7/8/2009
im liking this. D
| TheInsatiableVampire chapter 27 . 5/9/2009
Interesting story, though I am slightly confused on whether it's ended or not :S
| TheMissSmith chapter 27 . 3/31/2009
like the sttory. epilougues suck though. only sorta ended it. give a little more detail for the next one you write for whatever story.