Reviews for Electrified
devilin chapter 1 . 10/10/2008
Lol, you guys, you miss the opening sentence!

"He grabs her hand as she laughs and he takes off with her, fleeing around the corner from their playful pursuers."

Orphans Playful pursuers. Hm
ohxasphyxiationx chapter 1 . 9/14/2008
It's some great work. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Please tell me that this is a Vaan/Penelo fic. I can't seem to find enough of them anywhere!

All in all it's wonderful, very much the style of stories that I like to read. Mysterious and enticing. Keep up the great work.
Notorious George Weasley chapter 1 . 1/18/2008
I get that it's Ashe... with Basch...? cause if so, that's the hottest thing I've ever read. :D
Josef Mojave chapter 1 . 12/14/2007
I like how most of it is written, but for good lemon as well as other stories you need to be clear about who is in the story especially if its something so short. Its hard to imagine anything sexy with faceless people... unless you're into that kind of thing.
Nuclear Burp chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
Hmm. I'm not really one for lemons, but I said I'd review... *Sighs*

Anyway, At first I was a little confused at the lack of the naming. But then I realised that was part of the charm, it gives a better... I don't know, makes it easier to immerse yourself into the story. If it was intentional, it was well done.

One minor critique, though, the kids shifted almost instantly from 'childish innocence' to 'BAM, total lust!', maybe a bit more build up would let the mood flow just that much easier.

All in all, a fairly good oneshot. Will get around to reviewing the rest someday.

One minor point for future fan fics, 'Bran' is easier to type then 'Balthier x Fran'.

person chapter 1 . 10/26/2007
VaanxAshe? This is VaanxPenelo, is it not? I hope it is, I love that pairing, but either way, this was very nice, brief, yet somehow not lacking in detail. Bravo :)
Morohtar13 chapter 1 . 10/14/2007
Wow I'm surprised this was your first time writing a lemon. It was really good and I enjoyed reading. Love the ending too. Perfect blend of an absolute ending and possible cliffhanger.
SXR4EVA chapter 1 . 10/10/2007
Dude, I love the way you wrote that. You didn't specify who it was (Although I think I know) And you can substitue He and she for anyone you want. LOVE IT!
MigeloBangaaOfRabanastre chapter 1 . 9/22/2007
I love the way you're making the characters so mysterious.

This is a masterpiece. You're officially one of my fave authors...

So... I'm guessing the couple is... Vaan... and Ashe... Nice pairing... :) You're a genius... :)
Anonymous chapter 1 . 9/9/2007
Ill tell you honestly, i liked this. It was good. It wasn't clear at first who you were talking about, but you made that clear well. It wasn't too over the top, it was both tense and nervous, reflecting the fact that it was their first time. Well done.
curiouskitty chapter 1 . 9/7/2007
um... couldn't you have at least included the details? like the who's? but anywayz, good story. :)
The Apocalypse Lock chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
OMG. *Just realized it was Vaan and Penelo*

Wow, I totally can't see that. xD They're too immature. BUT OMG, that was hawt ;D Keep up the good work, dear.
Archadian chapter 1 . 8/20/2007
This is NO lemon!

It's a chocolate covered strawberry with whipped cream on the side!

Firestrider chapter 1 . 8/18/2007
How interesting... though I don't care for lemons, it's so interesting to see how you kept the characters' identities secret. But... I think I can guess the male to be Vaan or Balthier. Anyway, I'll keep myself annonymous so I don't have to have people know I read a lemon. '

Good job. Is it really your forth? It was good.