Ry

How would Ginny be alive if Arthur had died much earlier than she was conceived?

As soon as the chapter where Tobias and Ross used guns (since guns aren't common in the UK) I knew that it was coming to this, it's the perfect dramatic irony, and since earlier you specified that Severus' middle name was Tobias. I really like and support this idea - too bad the ministry didn't think about it the first time around (most UK citizens don't have guns, but the MOM is in touch with the PM who could have supplied armed forces.)

Similarly, since I have no where else to put this thought, in the original time line the prediction says "the one with the power to vanquish the dark lord approaches..." maybe this first line is independent from the next line, and is about Severus who was approaching outside the door and is referring to the important role that Severus played in defeating Riddle.

YESSS

NOOOO

noooo their hairrr

Also, your attitude towards sex is not justified. If you didn't want sex, don't mention it in the story. Sex between teenagers is actually quite common. Instead of talking about it, being all saint-y about it isn't right. I feel like you're imposing your attitude about sex on your readers. I'm sorry to say this, but I just hope your rl children don't suffer as such because of your approach towards sex.

I'm going to be very critical. This is a story for 12 year olds. Logic and reasoning have been given a miss. Actions which would warrant extreme scrutiny and explanations, are routinely dismissed as nothing more than a petty thing. I was going to read your original story, Hannah's Rainbow after finishing this, but I'm not so sure now. Maybe I'll give it a chance, anyway. I just hope it's not as childish a story as this.

E

Yv

Tr

Gt

Ru

Have you heard the phrase "poverty porn"? You chose to make this chapter suffering porn. It's common in fanfics unfortunately. For bigger drama authors ignore reason and have characters involved even act out of character, worse than in books, all to serve the sweet infliction of pain. A better writer avoids such cheap manipulation. Be better. Nothing in this chapter makes any logical sense.

the Severus going back on time stories are supposed to change him. I hate how he's pushing Lily away on all these stories