|Reviews for The Virus|
| Guest chapter 15 . 4/11/2008
Hmm hmm...well...keep up the work you are doing. You're doing better than generic anime and games.
| Guest chapter 13 . 4/11/2008
Hrm dum...the only thing I have to comment on is Mewtwo's little deal and and Kai's story. Let's see how these are panned out.
| Guest chapter 12 . 4/11/2008
Having strategy in battles is always a lot nicer than mindless brain-bashing, and Pichu's strategy explained by Roy is an example of this (your doing better than Naruto and other generic animes with strategic battling, and your portrayal of Roy as a calm, collected, kind, strategically-minded person is going very well).
And despite using Pichu as a joke character too (he was kind of created as one anyways), him being disregarded by the rest of them really is a decent story for him.
Even though you are overabusing anime and video game story lines, at least you seem to be able to use them a little better than generic anime and video game stories. I did say earlier to think about other bases, but you may also think about simply using the one you have and not following the generic paths that anime and games follow (like emo, gritty, angst, cheap romance, and other stuff they do to win points with the fans).
| Guest chapter 11 . 4/11/2008
SSB throwback, anime idea with having the Smashers fight in the jungle, live for fighting...DK fighting against Kai was good, and the thing with the Melee Master was weird. Despite the hate of fan characters, it's generally that way because most fan characters are simply the author making themself a character, or some other generic stupid character. I've read stories with actually good and likable characters who play powerful roles.
Meanwhile, some "canonical" characters can be annoying and stupid, no matter how canonical they are. Canonicity means nothing, it's all about the characters that are in play and how they are being used. An overpowered Igglybuff fan character that replaces Pichu that is done well is going to be more interesting than another story about LoZ or Fire Emblem (the two SSB games that set themselves up most for this).
| Guest chapter 10 . 4/11/2008
There's a lot of laughing, I wonder if people actually laugh maniacally like that a lot in real life (then again, most people in real life don't consciously call themselves evil, but most sane villains probably don't think of themselves as evil).
By the way, the "everyone said/wondered/muttered," it seems a little...off to have everyone doing one thing at the same time I huge problem with trying to dance around with 26 characters at once (also makes everyone look like an idiot, because they all just stand around while the story focuses on other). Just like all the characters in Brawl, it's just too much. Better off to keep them split up.
By the way, the more you distance yourself from anime & video game story lines, the better off you'll be (although that means you'll need to know another basis to work off of, and it'll have to be one compatible with the story you have, and better than what you have right now). Anime & video game story lines really are...cheap.
| Guest chapter 9 . 4/11/2008
Maybe it's just because it's been a while since I've read this, but the whole Popo thing with the tournament did slip my mind a great deal. It took me till quite near the end of the chapter to fully piece together and be comfortable with what was going on and what they were babbling about (again, probably because it has been a while since I read the story).
I'll save further reviews after I've read a little more of the story again and know it a little more.
| ElementUchihaMaster chapter 15 . 10/26/2007
| eum chapter 9 . 10/17/2007
when did mario come in?
| Count Blarch chapter 7 . 10/13/2007
OK, the last two chapters weren't anything too special, but the two Roy chapters that I've read so far are cool (Roy is a lot cooler than Marth, that's for certain). Roy is cool.
| Count Blarch chapter 6 . 10/13/2007
Yup, extremely fast-paced, although at least the Master Sword has its purifying powers still.
Now why did you do that to Ganondorf, Ganondorf was incredibly awesome in the first story and I was expecting him to be holding a beaten up Jigglypuff and looking bored at the easy accomplishment. An incredibly shame (and I notice you haven't gotten any reviews at all besides mine virtually).
| Count Blarch chapter 5 . 10/13/2007
Well, the general anime and game style of the entire fic hurts it a lot still, but you realize that and it's kind of hard to get around that at this point, no? Still, need to try (the Naruto rip-off and anime lines really hurt).
And you are fully aware of how fast-paced this is, and how non-horrific it all is (unless you suddenly go into gruesome detail about Frankenstein or something, but that's just shock-horror and not any real horror).
Well, Pikachu at least is still acting cool.
| Announcer chapter 1 . 10/10/2007
Sonic's in brawl, spread the word!
| Count Blarch chapter 4 . 9/4/2007
OK, short explanation on the spore (get to see Bowser's still pretty evil desires), the battle scene, but the end of the chapter was incredibly brief.
Really, you have not spooky atmosphere built up at all, and the story is setting itself up to be mainly fight scenes. I'm not sure this story will turn out as well as your other ones (which need work too).
I really do recommend a long break and an evaluation of all of this.
| Count Blarch chapter 3 . 9/4/2007
Actually, I think I was a little quick to judge on the last review. I had forgotten all the talk about and the talk about the mansion and whatnot, so it's more of a 30% fight scene. It's Smash Bros., I guess.
You still do need to work on setting up a spooky atmosphere (and I presume the spookier plot devices will come later).
| Count Blarch chapter 3 . 9/4/2007
OK, there wasn't over much to comment on in this chapter, aside from the fact that this story, again, isn't doing a good job at presenting a dark and evil atmosphere so far. The prologue struggled to present everything in an evil fashion, and then the fic turned into more battles.
Remember that this is a story. Stories use action to advance the plot, video games use plot to advance the action. So far, this story has been 70% battle scene and is setting itself up to be that way the entire way through. Not very good at all, especially if you were aiming for a dark and spooky story instead of a brawl-fest story (oh, and you do need to slow the story down a bit).